Let Go
by Companyo'Thieves
Summary: Bella goes to a party of questionable status, hoping to start reinventing herself, she gets more than she bargains for, but is it exactly what she needs? Lemons, because we love them.
1. Chapter 1

**Let Go**

**Drink up baby down, are you in or are you out?**

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

I shifted my eyes away from the mirror where I was painstakingly applying red lipstick to my best friend Alice. She sat on the edge of my bed fidgeting uncomfortably.

"Yes, I'm sure." I recapped the tube of lipstick. "Are you _not_ sure?"

"No, no. I'm sure, I just ….this is so unlike you to …to …to do."

She was stumbling over her words, which was out of character. Alice was very self-assured in everything she did and every word she uttered, so I stopped fluffing my wavy brown hair and turned to face her completely.

"Spill it Alice, just go ahead and get it out now." I leaned back against my vanity dresser, giving her my full attention.

"I just don't want you to regret this." She finally explained, clasping her hands together.

"Regret what exactly?" I wasn't going to let her be vague; if she had issues with this, she needed to be specific.

"Bella!" she exclaimed exasperatedly, as she stood up and began pacing around the room. She was like a tiny tornado, whirling with energy. "You know what! Regret about going to a _sex party_!"

She whispered the last part, as if saying sex party in full voice was a sin. I wanted to laugh, but I held it in.

"You're right, I do have certain…reservations, but I think that's a good thing."

"Say what?" she looked puzzled. "You aren't sure you want to do this, but you think that's a good thing?"

"No, that's not what I said. I said I had _reservations_, which just means that I'm not going into this thing blind, I know that I'm about to walk into an environment that is completely foreign to me, and that makes me nervous, which is good, it means I'll be on guard. Besides, you and Jasper are going to be there with me, so if I need to leave, I can get one of you or just let you know I'm leaving. You're my safety nets." I finished smiling and turning back to wipe a bit of smudged eyeliner out of the corner of my eye.

"I just… I can't understand why you want to do something like this." Alice said quietly. "It feels like you're trying to prove something, and you just don't need to, Bella."

I sighed as I walked to the closet and pulled out a pair of black heeled ankle boots.

"I am proving something; to myself. Alice, I'm proving that I'm not dead, that I can do things outside my comfort zone; that I'm willing to try and live." I yanked the boots on and looked into my friend's face with determination.

"I'm not going to let Jacob stop me from living."

"No one is asking you to stop living, Bella, just don't get hurt in the effort to show him what a douche bag he is." Alice said softly.

I shook my head and grabbed my handbag.

"I'm not going to get hurt and I'm not doing this to show him anything. I'm doing this for me. Are you ready?" I asked signaling that I was done with this conversation.

She looked at me for another moment before nodding.

"Alright, let's go get our sex on." I joked shaking my butt as we headed into the living room where Jasper was watching ESPN and waiting for us.

"Whoa," Jasper looked up. "You're planning on having sex tonight, I thought this was just a 'let's go check this out, but not participate' kind of deal."

I shrugged, "It might be, but I'm not going to rule anything out."

Jasper and Alice both look scandalized. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Relax you two. It's going to be fine. If it is a total gross-out-fest, we'll leave. Or if it really bothers you, you can stay home and I'll go.

"No!" they both yelled simultaneously.

"We're not letting you go alone. Who knows what kind of creeps will be there."

Jasper clenched his teeth, "If even one of those assholes puts his hands on you, I'll break his neck."

"Easy Terminator, take a breath. In fact, take a shot of something, you too Alice.

You both are about to drive me crazy." I walked over to the cabinet and grabbed three shot glasses and a bottle of tequila.

"Yeah, let's get liquored up and completely lose common sense before we attend a sex party, that's a great idea." Alice said sarcastically, but still took a glass out of my hand.

"Oh brother, you're not getting "liquored up", you're taking a shot, _one_ shot," I poured the clear liquid into each glass. "Bottoms up."

We clanked the rims of our glasses and tossed it back.

"Bleh! How can you stand that stuff?" Jasper winced after swallowing.

"How can you stand Jagermeister?" I quipped.

"Because it's better than that shit." He muttered.

"Okay, Jasper has started swearing, the alcohol is working, let's get this show on the road." I announced, heading for the door.

Alice rolled her eyes, but took Jasper's hand and followed me outside.

We climbed into Jasper's Audi and headed towards the address I had written down.

I took the moments before we arrived to think about what had led up to this point. The years of being sheltered by my father, the cop, the neat little bubble that I lived in because I was too shy to go outside of it, the months and months I'd allowed Jacob to control my every move once I'd moved out of my parent's house, and ultimately Jacob's betrayal that had eviscerated me. That had _saved_ me. He'd cheated on me and left.

I didn't want to be that girl anymore, who let someone else run her life and hurt her relentlessly, who stayed in the background and watched, who did what she was told. Screw that, I was done being a puppet. Time to grow a backbone. I was tired of missing everything fun in life, and that included sex. Okay, so maybe going to a swinger's party wasn't the best place to go to find good, meaningful sex, but beggars can't be choosers. I wanted to get laid and I want to get laid now, so this was where I was going to start, and like I told Alice and Jasper, if it was just too much for me, we'd leave.

But dang it, I really hoped I'd be getting some tonight, and if that made me a slut, so be it. Jacob left a lot to be desired in the intimacy department, and part of the new me was not allowing that to happen again. I'd dressed that night to entice a man, a real man, that would know how to touch me. I'd left my hair down and flowing so that it reached the middle of my back, I threw on a little bit of bronzer, and black eyeliner, and deep red lipstick. I was trying to channel my inner siren. I paired that with a tight black jersey dress that stopped mid-thigh, and a gun metal grey motorcycle jacket. I finished the whole thing off with black sky high ankle boots and a black clutch. I felt fairly confident, but then again, maybe this was all wrong for a sex party, who knows, I've never been to one before. At least Alice was dressed kind of similarly.

We pulled up in front of a large brick house, if you could call it a house. Mansion was a more succinct term. The road was lined with cars, all of which were foreign and new.

Wow, a snobby sex party. My anxiety just ratcheted up another notch. I took a quiet breath and stepped out of the car, following Alice up to the door, Jasper walked behind me.

Alice reached for the doorbell, but stopped and threw me one last look that screamed, 'are you really, really sure about this?'

I nodded, but before Alice could hit the bell, the front door swung open to reveal the most beautiful blonde woman I had ever seen. Her hair was pulled back in a loose chignon so that a few wisps hung down around her angular face. A skin-tight green dress clung to her body like paint.

"Hello." Her voice was low and cultured, oozing sex appeal.

"Hi, I'm –"

"Alice" the blond cut her off, sweeping her eyes over her and then to me. "And you must be Bella, and Jasper. Please, come in."

She opened the door wider, and stepped aside to allow us through.

What the…? How did she know who we were when I didn't have the slightest clue who she was?

"I would have recognized you three anywhere, Esme described you to a T."

Ah, Esme. I worked with her in a secretarial pool. She was a few years older than me, and totally surprised me one day by leaving a paper on my desk about this party. I'd looked up at her confused.

"Honey, you're floundering. Get out of that coffin and do something crazy." She smiled almost maternally at me and walked away.

I was stunned speechless, _Esme_ was telling me to go to a swinger's party. I could almost hear the theme song from the Twilight Zone playing in the background.

"How do you know Esme?" I asked.

"Long time friend." The blond smiled coyly.

Ooookay, I don't even want to think about the implications of that.

"I'm sorry, I being so rude," she reached out a hand towards me. "I'm Rosalie, but please, call me Rose."

"Nice to meet you." I was definitely uncomfortable, but used every store of willpower to relax my smile and even out my voice.

Rose shook Alice and Jasper's hands too before leading us through the dimly lit entryway. Jasper threw Alice a look that said 'what _are_ we doing here?' Alice shrugged and shifted her eyes back to me. I pretended not to see either one of them.

We walked into a large living room where at least twenty-five people were sitting, standing, or leaning, and chatting away leisurely. I couldn't help the flood of relief that I hadn't waltzed straight into an orgy.

"Please make yourselves at home. There's a bar to your left near the kitchen, and there's food as well. Can I get you something to drink?"

"I'll take a beer, if you don't mind." Jasper lunged for the opportunity of alcohol. Poor boy was _not_ comfortable right now.

"Of course, and for you two?" Rose turned expectantly towards Alice and me.

"Same," Alice replied quickly.

"Actually, I wouldn't mind some red wine." I said.

"Sure, I'll be right back." She started to the kitchen. "Oh! Em, come meet some of Esme's friends, they just arrived. Jasper, Alice and Bella, meet my husband Emmett."

Approaching us was a hulk of a man. He had to be at least 6'4 and wide as a refrigerator.

"If you aren't a football player, you have missed your calling." I said before thinking. To my relief, his face lit with humor and he laughed.

"Only in college, now, I'm afraid I'm just a boring doctor." He put out a hand for me to shake.

"Nice to meet all of you, Rose and I were glad you all could make it, Esme has nothing but good things to say about you."

"Thanks, and thank you for letting us crash your party like this." I said somewhat anxious again. For a sex party, it sure felt …well, G rated.

"Crash anytime, we like meeting new people. In fact, if it makes you feel better, you aren't the only ones here tonight that are new." Emmett smiled charmingly. "I have a buddy from college to finally show up to one of these things, he's around here somewhere, I'll have to track him down and introduce you."

"Here we are." Rose had made her way back with the drinks before I could reply to Emmett. "Beer for you two, and one red wine."

She distributed the drinks.

"Are we talking about Edward?" She asked turning towards her husband who looped a muscular arm around her tiny waist.

"Yes, I was saying that once he came out of whatever corner he's in, we'd have to introduce him to everyone."

Rose shook her head good-naturedly, "He's scared to death that he's entered into Sodom and Gomorrah. Like he's so innocent." She laughed nudging Emmett.

"Yeah, he's fine, I'm sure he'll be joining the party before too long." He grinned, and then turned to Jasper.

"So can I introduce you to some other people? I know it's kind of hard to just jump into parties without knowing anyone."

"Uh, sure," Jasper seemed somewhat at a loss, which was kind of unlike him, and come to think of it, Alice was unusually quiet as well. I'd done most of the talking since we'd arrived, and _that_ was definitely weird.

"Okay come over here, I've got a buddy Alec I'd like you to meet." Emmett headed towards the corner of the living room where a tall blond man stood talking to a voluptuous red head.

Alice shrugged and followed Emmett and Jasper. I stayed with Rosalie.

"I can take you around too, introduce you to a few people if you'd like," she said softly.

"That's alright." I took a sip of my wine. "I think I'd just like to wander around a little."

"Of course. You're welcome to any area of the house, some doors will be shut."

_Bingo_! Hello sexcapades.

"But if they are unlocked, you are welcome to go inside." She laid a hand on my shoulder, it wasn't inappropriate, yet it felt strangely sexual….or maybe that was just my raging hormones talking. "Don't feel uncomfortable Bella. No one will hurt you here, we wouldn't allow that to happen in our home."

Okay, well she may be a nympho, but she was a kind nympho.

"Thanks Rose, I really appreciate that."

She squeezed my arm and turned to speak to a couple a few feet away from us. I took another swig of wine, as I scanned the room. In fact, after a few more deep drinks, I was almost out of wine. I headed to the bar to get a refill.

"Pinot Noir, please." I told the bartender, and bless the man, he filled my glass to the top.

After thanking him, I walked slowly down a connecting hall, one side of it was a normal wall, but the left side was completely made of glass, opening up to a starry night sky. More people stood outside chatting as well. Maybe it was the wine, or maybe it was seeing that it really did just seem like any other party, but I felt more relaxed.

I kept going through another sitting room, where only a few couples were scattered and talking. Geez, there were people all over this house. I smiled back at the ones that looked up and smiled in greeting, but I kept meandering through the opposite doorway into an empty stairwell.

But oh whoa, not empty, I felt like my eyeballs were going to pop out because right before my very eyes and man and a woman were uh, pleasuring one another with their hands underneath the stairs. The both were moaning, as they fondled each other, totally oblivious to me.

I turned quickly and fled up the steps. Feeling flustered and embarrassed, I looked into the doorway of a bedroom and _shit_, was he …oh yeah, there was definitely a guy going down on a very naked woman on a bed. Before I could turn away, she turned her head and looked at me. I froze. Oh crap, oh crap.

"Hi," she panted. At which point, the dude, looked up as well.

"Hello." He said with a smirk.

"Don't you dare fucking stop." She scolded him laughingly.

"Care to join us?" He grinned charismatically before he resumed licking between her thighs.

I think my mouth fell open, but I couldn't make words come out, "excuse me" I finally muttered and almost ran down the hall further, stopping to guzzle some wine, geez, what is the matter with you? I chastised myself leaning against the wall. You knew what this was going to be, now stop being a retard, and stop acting like that didn't just turn you on, I tagged on, realizing how much it had made me ache in all the right places.

I sighed and looked over beside me at the closed door, hmmm, what could be behind door number three, I thought anxiously.

I took a breath as thoughts of threesomes danced in my head. I turned the knob opening it to a dark room. Nothing. The room was empty. I laughed at myself for getting so nervous. I flipped on a dim light, and walked to the bed, plopping down unceremoniously. I leaned back on my left hand, and stared at the wall. Take a breath, Swan.

A creak in the floor caused me to swing my gaze quickly to the door, and there stood a tall man with bronze colored hair, his face half shadowed.

"Hi, sorry if I startled you." His voice was low and smooth, almost velvety.

"No," I laughed lightly. "I think I'm just jumpy. Did you, um, need the room?"

I started gathering up my bag and stood up.

"No, no," he stepped more fully into the room, and hello, sex god. "I was going to hide in here from a certain tenacious guest." He didn't smile at his own joke, but rather, seemed serious, intense even.

"Oh, well then, come join the club." I said sitting down again and willing myself not to stare into his deep green 'do me now' eyes.

"Ducking for cover too?" he asked smirking.

"Afraid so, I think I burned my retinas permanently on the way here." I finished off the rest of my wine and realized that I was definitely starting to feel the affects.

"What did you see that made you uncomfortable?" he asked leaning against the wall across from me.

I looked at him strangely for a minute, what did he _think_ I saw, given our location, it was bound to be naked people doing naked things.

"Why don't you want to say it?" He asked in that same deep tone.

"I…" I looked down while turning my empty wineglass in my hands. "I think it's pretty obvious what I saw." I said finally.

"Yes, it is." He acquiesced. "But I'm wondering why you can't say the words."

"Because, I'm….not used to it." I blurted out, my face feeling hot, hopefully the dimness of the room disguised it.

"To sex?" he clarified.

"To sex being so open." Geez, why was he pressing this?

"You think it should be closed off?"

"No, yes…I don't know."

"Well, why are you here, if you weren't at least interested in sexuality in, to use your words, an open environment?" He crossed his arms and tilted his head, waiting for my answer. I studied him for a minute, made myself study him. His confidence was strangely appealing, and it made me want to run to him and away from him at the same time.

"Why do you want to know?" I asked, never pulling my eyes from his.

His mouth curved minutely in approval.

"Because you interest me."

"I've interested you in the few minutes that you've been talking to me?" I asked skeptically.

"No you interested me when you walked through the door downstairs and made me want you."

My stomach jumped and shimmered with desire.

"You followed me up here?"

"I was going to talk to you in the living room, but I got waylaid by a certain person who doesn't take no for an answer. I lost you for a minute, but yes, I did follow you up here. If you want me to leave, I will."

Amazing, he was saying amazing things to me. No one said, _did_ things like that because of me.

"You're very beautiful." He told me softly.

I stood up, not sure if it was to run out of the room or to run to him. I looked over through the window into the night and took a minute to think, really think about what I was going to do. This is why I came isn't it? And he was really doing it for me. I almost laughed at the perfection of it all.

I looked back at him, he was watching me intently. I walked to stand in front him, setting my wine glass down on the little table next to the lamp. I brushed my body up against his as I leaned over and closed the door.

"Tell me this means you're going to let me touch you." He spoke in that same soft voice.

I looked up at him through my eyelashes and nodded as I ran my hands up his chest. His mouth turned up in that smirk that turned me on and made me want to scold him for being an asshole.

I stood on my toes to take his mouth with mine. But he stopped me by gripping my hips and flipping us around so that I was against the wall and he stood over me.

"Before I touch, before I even kiss you, I want you to do something for me." His face an inch from mine, his breath that smelled like cinnamon fluttered across my cheek.

"What?" I was hypnotized by his green, green eyes.

"Tell me what you saw before you came in here."

"Huh?" I pulled my head back, rapping it lightly against the wall behind me.

"Tell me what you saw." He didn't even blink.

"Why?" I was completely confused.

"Because we are going do things to each other that you've never done, and I'm going to make you feel things that will drive you crazy, but before we do, you need to be comfortable enough with sexuality to at least talk about it."

His quiet voice was setting my body on fire, so yeah, I definitely agreed that when he started touching me I was going to go up in flames, but why was it so damn important that I tell him about the intimacies of others.

He smiled knowingly at me.

"You think I'm just being perverted. I promise I'm not. Yeah it's going to be a bonus hearing you talk about it, but if you can't even discuss sex with me, how can you open yourself up enough to really enjoy it?"

"You want to have a discussion? _Now_?" I asked incredulously.

He chuckled as he brushed his body against mine suggestively, and hello little guy, or should I say big guy. My eyes widened.

"Just think of it as foreplay." He nuzzled my neck softly.

I let out a shaky breath, and felt my knees go weak.

Okay, okay, I could do this, hell, I was _going_ to do this because he was turning me on five bazillion times more than Jacob ever had.

"I saw…I…saw," I could barely think, let alone talk.

"Yes?" he mumbled against my neck.

"Shit." I blew out my breath and felt him laugh quietly.

"You can do it baby, take your time, we've got all night."

His hot breath gave me goose bumps.

"I saw two people underneath the stairs." I finally got out.

"What were they doing?" He messaged my waist.

"T-touching each other." I stuttered as he began taking off my jacket.

"How were they touching each other?" He tossed my jacket across the room.

"They had their hands down each other's pants."

I tilted my head back as he began kissing my neck, oh sweet heavens above.

"Say it baby, what was she touching? You can do it, it's just me here."

"His, his dick."

"Good girl, what was he touching?" he sucked lightly on my collarbone.

"Her pussy." I said a little more confidently.

"That's right baby. What else did you see?" he slowly pulled me forward, walking backwards toward the bed. He looked me in the eye with that crazy sexy intensity, and I'm not ashamed to say that I almost came right there.

"I saw a man going down on a woman?" For some reason it came out as a question.

"Are you sure that's what you saw?" he asked with humor in his voice.

"Yes. I'm sure." I said as he sat down on the edge of the bed, and I stood in front of him.

"How do you know for sure?" he reached up behind me and pulled the zipper down the back of my dress.

"Kind of hard to miss." I whispered.

He stopped pulling my zipper down and laughed lightly.

"Okay, fair enough. Did it turn you on?" he finished unzipping me.

"Yes." I hiked my skirt up and straddled him in one swift movement.

"Whoa." He breathed, surprised at my movement.

"What are you doing?"

"Moving things along." I replied working the buttons open on his shirt.

He laughed again, but there was desire in his eyes.

"I think it's only fair for you to tell me what you saw." I fueled my confidence and rocked lightly against him.

His eyes glazed with pleasure for a second. "Aren't you a surprise?" he said gruffly.

"I'm trying honey."

"Good girl." He said again. "Alright, let's be fair then."

"I saw a man licking his way up a woman's body, taking his time, stopping to give special attention to her pussy, giving it long wet strokes, making her writhe in pleasure, and then stopping again to suck on her nipples, flicking his tongue over each tip, while rubbing her clit and making her come."

My hands, that had been deftly unbuttoning his shirt dropped limply to my side as his words washed over me. The man was the devil himself. His every breath was making me ache with need.

"Seems like you saw a lot." I said weakly.

Again, he smiled triumphantly at me.

"That was all I saw," he pulled the straps of my dress down, making it pool at my hips and leaving my breasts covered only with a strapless lace bra. "because I wanted to find you."

He ran a hand lightly over my heart, just above the swell of my breast and up to the back of my neck.

"You are so fucking beautiful." He said so firmly, it was almost threatening.

I shook my head, no, I'd never really been beautiful. Cute? Sure, but beautiful, no.

"You don't believe me?" He asked pulling my mouth down to his, and every thought flew out of my head as his lips, hot satin, kissed mine.

He pulled back a fraction of an inch, "I'll just have to show you."

He wrapped his arms around me and molded our bodies together.

I moaned at the contact. He was so solid and firm against me.

I felt my bra loosen and fall to the floor, and then his hands were on me, running up and down my sides, making me arch against him, begging for them. Finally he cupped my breasts, flicking his thumbs over my nipples, making me light-headed and giddy.

"More" I said against his mouth.

He flipped me over so that I was lying on the bed and he yanked my dress down my hips, pulling my panties with it. He pulled my boots off quickly, and somehow got himself naked before I could blink.

He crawled up over me and began kissing my neck again. The man should get an award for the way he could kiss, it felt like, well nothing I'd ever felt before.

"You're naked." Was what brilliantly came out of my mouth.

He laughed, his chest rumbling against mine.

"That's the idea baby." He kissed his way to my breasts and took a nipple in his mouth, sucking and nipping it with his teeth.

"I guess it is." I arched into his mouth. "Fuck!"

"You like that?" he asked against me. "Does it feel good?"

"Oh….yeah."

His hand slid up my thigh and ran lightly over my pussy.

"You're so wet baby." He looked into my eyes as he slowly pushed two fingers inside of me.

And hello, green eyes, I just got a little bit wetter.

I ran a hand through that thick coppery hair and his eyes softened for a second before they grew darker with desire as I wrapped my hand around his hardened length.

"Hello." I said quietly.

He smirked and rubbed small circles with his thumb over my clit.

"Oh…" I groaned.

He leaned in and kissed me before slithering down my body and settling between my legs.

"Wha, whoa, what are you-?"

"Shhh, it's okay," he murmured soothingly. "Relax baby, I just need to…."

He licked me lightly, and then firmly.

Too much, too much, too much, was all I could think and then shit, I coming, hard.

"Oh my gah…" I moaned.

"That's it," he murmured against me. "Come for me, let it go."

I strained, riding out the waves of pleasure.

He crawled back up my boneless body as I lay there spent. He laid next to me, running hand up and down my stomach and chest. His hand was warm and tender.

"Wow." I smiled turning my head towards him.

He ran a hand through my hair. "So fucking beautiful." He said again.

I rolled towards him and pulled him on top of me.

"You're turn darling." I kissed him feverishly and tilted my hips toward him in an obvious invitation.

He groaned and again started kissing his way down my body.

What the?

"Hey-" I started.

"Shhh." He shushed me again.

When he got far enough down the bed, his feet hit the floor and his grabbed my ankle, pulling me down as well, only when my feet touch the floor he turned us towards the dresser with a large mirror hanging over it.

"What do you see?" He breathed behind me into my ear.

I saw two very naked, very turned on people.

"I see …sex." I said honestly.

He ran his hands over my hips and stomach, making me want him with an unrivaled need.

"I see the sexiest woman I've ever met, and the lucky bastard who gets to touch her and taste her."

My eyelids drooped and my mouth fell open slightly as I felt another wave of desire slap through me.

"See, sexy as hell." He moved my hair to the side and sucked my neck. "Lean down baby."

Eager to feel him inside of me, I put my hands on the dresser and heard the crinkle and zip of a wrapper.

"Mmmm" he ran his hands over my ass, before pulling my hips back and thrusting inside of me.

"You feel so amazing." He told me kissing my back.

His voice sounded funny, like he was straining.

"You're so tight baby."

"Don't stop, please, don't stop." I pushed my ass against, eliciting another moan.

"I won't last long if you keep…" He tried

"I don't care, I'll come with you, it feels too good. Please." I was almost begging and well, I didn't care.

"Please what baby?" The devil was back and he was taunting me.

"Don't stop."

He was sliding in and out of me with a slow mind numbing speed.

"Don't stop what?"

I groaned in frustration and need.

"Just say it baby, please, I just want to hear you say it." He ran a hand down to rub me in front.

"Fuck me, please, fuck me harder." I gritted out.

He moaned with pleasure, "thank you."

He began thrusting deeply and before I could even catch my breath, I was soaring into another orgasm so strong I thought I was going to faint, he was hitting me at an angle that was definitely oh so right.

"Oh baby" I fisted my hands and felt him come inside of me.

When he pulled out of me, I thought I might just fall into a heap of bliss on the floor, but he carried me to the bed and gathered me into his arms.

"That's was unfuckingbelievable." He whispered in my ear.

I laughed, I couldn't help it. I was too perfect to care.

"Oh yeah it was."

We laid there in silence, in wonderful, relaxed, just had _the_ very best sex of my life silence for minutes, hours, days, I don't know, we just laid there together.

"So I was thinking," he said finally. "Maybe we should-"

"Bella!"

"Oh shit!" I scrambled up as I heard Alice bellowing outside in the hallway. I grabbed my dress and yanked it back on, pulling the zipper up while working my feet back into my boots, I threw my jacket back on and lunged for my purse.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit." I swore trying to straighten my wild sex hair back into submission. I looked in the mirror to wipe my smudged makeup off, when I saw him watching me intently.

Without another thought, I ran and jumped on him and kissed him with all I had.

"Thank you." I told him sincerely, and kissed him again. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

I jumped back up and made for the door.

"Wait," he tried to catch me as I opened the door, throwing him one last look, he was gorgeous with his rumpled hair, bright green eyes, and solidly muscled chest, that I'd failed to notice earlier in my sex haze.

"Bella!" Alice ran to me, seeing me through the opened door. I quickly shut it behind me so that she wouldn't see him undressed.

"Are you okay?" She asked frantically. "We've been looking and looking for you! Jasper was about to call in the National Guard!"

"I'm fine, really." I said reassuringly.

"What in the world…Oh my go-"

"Stop" I told her before she could finish. "Yes, I did, no you can't see him, and I'll tell you all about it, but not tonight." I started down the stairs, making sure I kept my eyes in front of me, last time I looked around I saw things that I'll never forget.

"Uhhh." For once Alice was actually speechless.

"Okay."

I turned around and looked at her questioningly.

"Okay." She said again nodding.

"Okay" I nodded back, thankful for her compliance.

When we reached the main living room again, I saw Jasper pacing nervously.

"Hey." I said nonchalantly.

His head snapped up, and he rushed toward me.

"Where have you been?" He pulled me into his arms. "We couldn't find you and…" His voice trailed off as he leaned in and sniffed me.

"Why do you smell like-"

"Jasper! Not now." Alice, thankfully interceded.

Guess I smelled like eau du 'get it on'. And well, sue me, I didn't care.

"Oh Bella, I'm so glad you're still here." Rosalie walked up to us. "I wanted to introduce you to Emmett's friend. It seems he's finally come out of his hole, now that everyone's mostly gone of course."

She laughed, as Emmett and oh. My. Sweet. Heavens. Mr. Sex of my lifetime walked up.

I swallowed audibly, as he stared into my eyes, and suddenly I felt naked all over again.

"Bella, this is Edward." Emmett said as way of introduction. Too little too late there buddy, we've met…intimately.

"It's nice to meet you Bella." Edward stuck his hand out and shook mine, placing his other hand on top of mine. It was warm and oh yeah, I remembered where those hands had been less then ten minutes ago. My thoughts were mirrored in his eyes, and I knew exactly what he was thinking of at that moment.

"Nice to meet you too Edward." I tried to smile normally.

"I hope it's not too forward of me to tell you what a beautiful woman you are." He smiled mischievously. Forward my ass, it was this side of an hour ago that he was doing me from behind. Well alright, two can play at this game.

"Not too forward at all, thank you for the compliment, and I have to say Edward, you have very nice hands, makes a girl wonder." I smirked back.

Edward chuckled and nodded approvingly.

Jasper cleared his throat uncomfortably. Okay, so maybe it was too forward for them.

"I uh, think maybe we should head out." Alice said, tilting her head questioningly at me. Her eyes reading 'you bet your sweet ass I was details in detail missy'.

"Right, Emmett, Rosalie," I said releasing Edward's hand, "thank you for having us."

"Anytime," Rosalie looked between Edward and I and somehow, I knew that she knew exactly what was going on. "Please come back soon."

Jasper gave Edward the evil eye as we walked outside and made our way to the car.

"Bella! Wait!"

I turned to see Edward jogging towards me.

"Here." He put a piece of paper in my hand.

"What's this?" I turned it over, but he covered it with his hand.

"It's my number, I hope you'll call me sometime, maybe we can, get to know each other."

"Okay, yeah." I said trying to hide the thrill inside of me.

"Okay," he echoed and began walking backwards away from the car. "See you."

He lifted his hand in the quintessential man wave.

"Definitely."

I climbed into Jasper's Audi and opened the piece of paper in my hand as Jasper drove away. Written inside in spidery script was a phone number and a note that read:

_I can still taste you, and now that I have a name to put with the flavor, I hope you'll let me taste you again. _

_Edward_

I felt my body wanting him again, with a ferocity that almost scared me.

Jacob who?

**A/N- Okay, so I originally posted this a looooong time ago as a one shot, but decided to extend it, however, there were a few details that I needed to change so everything would make sense, I thought I caught them, but I missed a couple so I finally went back and fixed them. Sorry for the discrepancies! And thank you everyone who's given me a heads up on any I overlooked. I don't have a beta, (risky, I know) so all mistakes are strictly mine. Thanks for reading and sending me the feedback!**


	2. Chapter 2

So here is the second chapter after months and months since I wrote the original one-shot. I hope you like it.

**Chapter 2**

_**In my head, I see you all over me, you fulfill my fantasy  
You'll be screaming out,  
In my head, it's going down.**_

I sat stone still in the back of Jasper's Audi with my entire body tingling. Both Alice and Jasper kept shooting concerned looks at me from the front seat. I know they were waiting for me to say something, do something, _anything, _to let them know I was alright. However, I knew the moment I opened my mouth to assure them how great I was, the flood of questions would begin, and I was in no mood to talk. I wanted to get to my room, lock the door, turn off the lights, lie in bed and bask in the glow inside of me.

I wasn't delusional, I knew what I was feeling wasn't love, or even the beginning of love. What this was, was a confidence boost, a itch scratched, a basic human need taken care of...to orgasmic proportions. A man, a damn sexy man had desired me and given as good as he'd gotten. Actually, for once I think I got better than I'd given. I wanted to giggle with glee. What about that, Jacob? Does he even know how to pleasure a woman? How would I know, he never took the time to show me.

I took a deep satisfied breath. So what that my hair was tossled beyond repair, my dress was an inch from being zipped to the top, and all traces of my lipstick were gone. I felt loose, used in the best kind of way, and alive! Oh yeah, I felt alive. Bless you Edward whatever your last name is. Bless you and your hands, and your luscious mouth. My stomach clenched at the memory of what that mouth had done to me.  
"Bella?" Jasper finally spoke up softly.  
I shifted my eyes from the window to his face, but remained silent.  
"Are you alright?"  
I looked between him and Alice, who wore a similar expression of concern.  
"You guys, I'm fine."  
"Are you sure?" Alice finally chimed in. "Because it's okay to say you're upset, we'll fix it, whatever you need, we'll fix this."  
I couldn't help it, I laughed out loud, surprising them both.  
"How could you fix it, I can't unsex myself." I'm really cracking up now, picturing it in my head. "And believe me, I don't want to."  
They remained quiet until we were walking up to Alice and my apartment.  
"Bella, what happened at that party? All we know is that you came stumbling out of a room at a _sex party_, and you won't tell us anything, were you hurt, did someone force you to do something? You can tell us anything, we'll help you!"  
I sighed as I unlocked the front door and walked in with them following me.  
"I'll kick his ass. I don't care who he is, he won't get away with it." Jasper said vehemently.  
I tilted my head in exasperation at both of them.  
"Do you even know who "he" is, Jasper?"  
"Doesn't matter, I'll find out." His hands fisted at his sides.  
"Really, both of you need to calm down. Do I act like I'm upset?"  
They studied my face for a moment.  
"No." Alice answered slowly.  
"That would be because I'm not. I'm really fine. Nothing bad happened, I was not violated, or abused. Stop worrying about it. You guys are freaking out for no reason."  
I turned and started walking back to my bedroom.  
"Goodnight." I called before closing my door behind me.  
I heard them talking in hushed tones as I shook my head and threw my clutch on the armchair in the corner of my room.

Finally, solitude.  
I walked over to my dresser as I shrugged out of my jacket and tossed it on top of my clutch. Color was high on my cheeks and my eyes were bright with smug satisfaction. What a night. What a beautiful sensual night. My lips curled up as I closed my eyes and remembered those hands of Edward's sliding over my skin. His deep emerald eyes staring into mine with intensity as we took each other to the edge and over it.  
I took another deep breath as my heart pounded thickly in my chest. Oh yes, he'd definitely taken me places I'd never been before. And I was raring to visit there again. Set up camp. Plant my flag and stake a claim there. Name it Fort Isabella and live out the rest of my days blissfully.

Shaking my booty in delight, I bounded over to where I'd dropped my purse and dug out the little piece of paper Edward had given me.

_I can still taste you, and now that I have a name to go with the flavor, I hope you'll let me taste you again._You better believe I'll let you taste me again. I thrilled at the idea that tonight wasn't a one time deal, that there could be more of it. And okay, yes, I'm flying high because I had sex with a stranger, but it was stupendous sex, and I made the decision to do it, to throw my over-analytical tendencies out the window and just do it! Literally! A tiny giggle bubbles out of me before I slap a hand over my mouth. I absolutely did IT! Not only that, but I said things I couldn't even imagine myself saying. I said dick, and pussy, and _fuck_!  
I don't talk like that! I say crap and hell, and maybe damn every now and then. Sure I curse in my head, but I always felt ridiculous when I'd say them out loud. Not tonight though, oh no tonight I whispered dirty nothings in a crazy sexy man's ear as he touched me in all the right places.  
Can we say break through?  
I barely said 'yeah, right there' to Jacob, let alone had an orgasm! Which was another issue. He was only too quick to tell me that I was a cold fish in bed, never participating. If he could see me tonight, I participated the hell out of it with Edward.

Edward.  
992-8435

Taking off my dress and stripping down to my panties, I threw on a short cotton nightgown and slid into bed. I reached to my nightstand and clicked off my lamp before snuggling down into my covers. I would drift off to sleep knowing that I set out to be brave, strong, and empowered, and damn it, mission accomplished!

My eyelids were growing heavy when I heard the soft knock at my door. Knowing it was Alice, I ignored and hoped she would go away.  
No such luck.

"Bella?" She eased into my room, a sliver of light shining behind her from the hallway.

"I know you're not asleep." she said again, slightly louder.

"Actually, I was almost asleep. What do you need?" My voice came out thick with sleep.

"I came to check on you."

"Why?" I sighed.

"You know why." She replied with annoyance saturating her tone.

"You came to check on me, and you're the one irritated?" I finally rolled over to look at her.

"Yes, I am irritated because we're best friends and you won't tell me what happened tonight, which can only make me worry about you. You went to a swinger's party, and had some kind of incident with a pervert and you won't let Jasper or I help you!" Alice's voice rose steadily.

"Incident? Pervert?" I spluttered. "Oh, oh you are way off on so many levels, sister."

"Name one." she defied me.

"I'll name more than one! It wasn't an incident, or accident, or mishap. I was in control of the situation the entire time!"

Except when I was losing my mind with pleasure.

"Secondly, if he's a pervert, so am I, and actually, so are you and Jasper, because you were both there too!"

"We were there for you! That's different!" Alice shouted flipping on the light switch viciously. I squinted at the brightness as I sat up and got out of bed.

"Alright then, fine, then I'm the only pervert. Me. I walked into that party on my own volition, so stop acting like he coerced me there into his den of sin! And thirdly," I plowed on before she could say anything else. "You and I _are _best friends, but that doesn't mean I have to share every little thing with you when you tell me to, I am entitled to tell you when I am good and ready."

"Why wouldn't you want to tell me!" Alice almost pouted, and that's when it struck me. Yes, she was probably worried that I could have gotten hurt, but more, she was upset that something fairly significant happened and I wasn't giving the details.

"Alice, it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me and being ready and willing to talk about it. I am fine, I am good, I am _great_,so you are going to have to trust and do something that is very difficult for you." I put my hand on her shoulder.

"Oh and what's that?" She still didn't look pleased.

"Be patient, because that's what best friends do."

She stood there for a second before stepping back and stomping a foot.

"Ooooh!" She huffed. "You're right and I really really hate that!"

I smiled with triumph.

"Point, Swan" I bowed.

"Don't rub it in!" She shrieked, but laughed.

"You always do when you win an argument, so I'm going to be the sore winner tonight." I dramatically curtsied and waved to the proverbial crowd. "Thank you, thank you. Now get out. I'm tired."

I shoved her towards the door.

"But, but wait!" she cried as I started closing my door. "We just made up, I conceded, you were right, don't I get something in return? A small clue of what you did? Come _on_, anything! I'll take anything!"

I paused right before I'd fully shut my door, and tilted my head while looking up like I was weighing my options.

"Well, I guess under the circumstances...my answer is still no." And with that I clicked me door and turned the lock. "Goodnight Alice!" I called through the door grinning madly when I heard her outraged scream.

Tonight had been a damn good night indeed. I crawled back into bed and quickly fell into an exhausted sleep.

I woke up the next morning to banging around in the kitchen. I grumbled and turned over to look at my alarm clock. 7:34. You've got to be kidding me. I hadn't gotten to bed last night until 2:00, and for me, 5 1/2 hours of sleep just doesn't cut it.

I rolled out of bed, and with a scowl on my face, walked into the kitchen to find Alice opening drawers and cupboard doors arbitrarily and slamming them shut again.

"What, do you think you're doing?" I yelled over the din of noise.

"Oh, good, you're finally awake, so I was thinking since you had such a nice night's sleep you would be ready to have a little chat." She said brightly. "I'll make pancakes!"

"You've got to be kidding me." I fisted my hands on my hips and cocked an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" She asked innocently.

"You're not going to steamroll me into telling you, Alice." I was going to hold my ground, the old Bella would have folded and told Alice everything.

"What do you mean?" She repeated.

"Do you really want to know what happened last night?"

She clasped her hands together and all but jumped up and down.

"Yes, yes yes!"

"Too bad, you need to learn to be _patient_, remember, we talked about this a few hours ago, and yes, I said a few hours ago because, I JUST WENT TO BED!" I turned on my heal and walked back into my room, slammed my door shut.

"Bella, come on, I'm dying here!" I heard her yell from the hallway.

"Not my problem!"

I stood there staring longingly at my bed, but knew there was no way I was going to get back to sleep now. I blew my breath out and turned toward my chest of drawers, pulling out a pair of jeans, and t-shirt. After running a brush through my hair and throwing it up into a loose bun, I slapped on some powder, blush, and mascara. I shoved my black framed glasses on my face, and slipped on a pair of black Chuck Taylors. I emptied the contents of my clutch into a big gray hobo handbag.

I walked out into the hallway to find Alice still standing there waiting.

"Dude."

And in that one word, she knew how ridiculous I thought she was being.

After a pause, she sighed. "I know, I know, I know."

I rolled my eyes, but waved her to follow me.

"Come on."

"Where are we going?" She picked up her black Chanel tote.

"Starbucks. I need some caffeine if I'm going to tell you all the gory details."

"I'll pay!" She all but skipped outside our apartment building.

"Damn straight, sister."

REVIEW PLEASE:)


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Obviously, I'm not SM, I only own these words….and a sweet, sweet pair of cowboy boots….but that really has nothing to do with this story.**

**Chapter 3**

_**My heart stops, when you look at me,  
Just one touch, now baby, I believe.**_

I drank my caramel latte in greedy gulps while relaying what had happened at Emmett and Rosalie's house the night before. I didn't tell her Edward's name or that he'd slipped the note into my hand before we'd left. Somehow her and Jasper had missed the exchange. Thank goodness. I didn't want to have to hear about how I needed to call or not call him for the next month.

"I cannot believe you actually went and had sex with a stranger!" she was all but humming with excitement.

"What can I say?" I smiled into my coffee. "I'm a new woman."

"I'll say! Can you imagine what Jacob would do if he knew? Oh my gosh, he'd die! Just die!"

"Yeah, well, it's pretty unlikely he'll ever find out." I say, hating that I still had the gut-check reaction that _hoped _he wouldn't find out. Like I could get in trouble or something. Which is completely absurd. I'm an adult. I can't get in trouble. And I don't owe him anything, we're not together anymore. I never should have been in that relationship to begin with. He was controlling and overbearing.

"I know, but still, _still_, he'd just freak. Asshole." She put in for good measure, which did make me smile.

"You got that right." I stood up and tossed my empty cup into the trash.

"So," Alice threw her cup away too as we walked outside. "What are you going to do if you run into him somewhere?"

"Jacob?"

"No of course not Jacob, silly, the guy, sex guy!"

"Oh, uh, I don't know." I stammered, and I didn't know, not really. I definitely planned on calling him, but I didn't know what I was going to say. Like what, 'uh hi, Edward, so the sex was amazing, feel like getting it on again tonight? Okay great, well I'll be over to do the nasty in a few. Thanks.'

Yeah, not likely.

"Well," Alice sighed. She was appeased now that I'd told her about my wild night. "I'm glad that you had a taste of the dark side and came out unscathed. Now we can get back to normal."

"What do you mean, normal?" I stopped walking and looked at her.

"I just mean we've done the whole crazy kinky sex thing, and now we're done." She kept walking oblivious that I wasn't still beside her.

"Hmmm." I started walking again, I was going to argue about that, but decided I didn't want to mess with the fight. She could go on thinking that it was over, but I'll be damned if I'm going back to the doormat I felt like before.

Alice chattered on about an upcoming date with Jasper the rest of the way home. I half listened, but mostly had my mind on one gorgeous copper-hair man.

After dinner that night, I paced my room and looked at the piece of paper on my dresser. My stomach flipped with nerves. Could I do it, actually dial the numbers on my phone, and talk to him?

I mean, why not, right? I stopped and stared at that stupid note again. I talked to him last night just fine. I wrung my hands and rolled my neck before turning and to pace some more.

'Why am I doing this', I think with aggravation. I'm the girl. He's the guy. He's supposed to call me. It's science, it's history, it's written through the pages of time. It's just how things are done. I'm supposed to sit and wait for the phone to ring while I wash my hair, and paint my nails, and apply copious amounts of lip gloss while _he _does the whole should I/shouldn't I call her thing.

It's just the way, damn it! Why are we messing with success. If it's not broke, don't fix it!

Oh for pete's sake, I plop down on my bed and take cleansing breaths. The longer I agonize, the worse I'll feel, the more worked up I'll get. Do it, do it, do it. I pop my knuckles, and stride to my cell phone which is sitting next to Edward's note. And before I can talk myself out of it, I key in his number and hold my breath while it rings.

And rings.

And rings. Finally, his voicemail picks up and I don't know whether to be relieved or annoyed that after I finally got the nerve to call him, he doesn't answer. Then his voice comes on and all thought leaves my brain.

'Hey, this Edward. Leave me a message.'

That's it, that's all he says and suddenly I'm in a that room with him again, he's whispering in my ear and moving in and out of me. A wave of heat rushes over my body before I realize that I need to get it together and leave a message.

"Uh, uh, hey, Edward. This is Bella from last night? Anyways, I was just calling you to..." to what? I think frantically. What could I possibly say? To screw? No, no that would be horrible. Right? Yes, yes of course it would. "to see if you wanted to get together, and maybe have coffee or a drink or something. So call me back, my number should be on your call log now. Okay, well bye."

I close my phone and sink to the floor in abject horror. Could I have possibly sounded more socially inept. I stuttered, I was unclear, and totally awkward.

Why? Why? Why me? I stare at my wall feeling miserably nerdy and think dully that if I were a Gilmore Girl, I would have been witty and full of charming quips.

I'm startled out of my pity party when my phone starts ringing. I jump and look down to see Edward's number flash up. Oh no, oh no, breathe, Bella breathe. Where is all my confidence from last night? Oh yeah, it wasn't confidence it was alcohol. It's called liquid courage for a reason. Okay, answer the phone, don't be an idiot.

I clear my throat and push the answer button.

"Hello?" I ask like I have no idea who is on the other end.

"Bella? Hey, it's Edward."

That voice, oh geez that _voice_.

"Hi, that was quick." I laugh, hoping it sounds natural.

"Yeah, I just missed your call when I was in the other room."

"Oh." I say inanely

"You feel like getting a drink?"

"Sure. When?" Maybe the less I say, the lower the chance I'll sound stupid.

"How about now?" His voice is so smooth, and deep.

I glance at myself in the mirror and cringe. I haven't showered today, and I'm still wearing my black Chucks.

"Sure." I say brightly.

"Great, there's a place on 78th, Winston's. See you there in say, an hour?"

"Sounds great. I'll see you in about an hour." I say yanking my hair out of the bun.

"Bye Bella." Oh geez, I'm almost weak in the knees, the way he says my name.

"Bye, Edward."

I hear the line disconnect and I throw my phone on my bed, and all but trip on the way to the bathroom, and into the shower. I shave my legs, and under my arms, and scrub my skin within an inch of its life with my citrus body wash. I shut off the water and dash back to my room, digging frantically through my closet. There has got to be something I can wear.

I think fleetingly about going into Alice's wardrobe, but reject it because she's more petite than I am, therefore, most of her clothes look a lot tighter and shorter on me. Really, her things just look sluttier on me. Of course, I'm _hoping_ for a slutty ending tonight, but that doesn't mean I should walk around looking like I want everyone to know that. After a quick debate between, a skirt, or pants, I finally settle on a pair of black cigarette pants, a metallic bronze racerback tank top, and a pair of black peep toe pumps. I throw on eyeliner, mascara, blush, and opt to leave my lips unpainted.  
I stare at my hair for a moment at a loss before pulling the sides up and bobby-pin them back. A piece falls around my face, but I leave it and practically sprint to the door. Thank heavens Alice is out with Jasper tonight or I'd never get out of the apartment without her version of the Spanish Inquisition.

I glance at my watch and realize that I'm going to have to haul butt to make it six blocks in 15 minutes.

I silently thank Alice for making me wear heels every now and then throughout our friendship, otherwise, there would be no way in hell I'd be able to book it in them tonight.

Out of breath, I make to the entrance of the club three minutes late. I roll my neck and take another second to try and regulate my breathing before pulling open the heavy oak door. The inside is dark and smoky, but along with the cigarette smoke is the scent of pipes and cigars. I've passed the place a couple times, but have never been in. Obviously it's nicer than most other bars. I step over to the side of the entryway and wait for my eyes to adjust to the lighting.

It's a beautiful space actually. The back corner accommodates a jazz trio, little tables with votive candles in the center are occupied with couples or small groups. The bar is a long shiny oak that is warn with time and usage. My perusal of the bar catches on a certain green-eyed man who is watching me steadily. My heart thunders as I start towards him. He stands up as I approach.

He looks gorgeous of course, in dark jeans, and a black button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. I smile lightly when I see he's wearing a pair of black Chuck Taylors.

"You look beautiful, Bella." He leans in and kisses my cheek. He smells of soap and I actively want a drink when my mouth goes dry.

"Thank you, you look great too." I try to smile naturally and hitch myself rather ungracefully onto the stool next to his.

"Thank you. Can I get you a drink?" His eyes are practically sizzling into me as he casually asks if I want a drink, of course I want a drink, and then I want to find a dark corner where he and I can do unspeakable things to each other.

Whoa slow down, girl. You're going to have to slow it _way_ down, or you'll spontaneously combust.

"I'd love one. White cab?" I reply and flick my hair back nervously, and shoot for nonchalance.

He orders my drink and a beer for himself.

"I'm glad you called." he says as he takes a drink of his Guinness.

I sip or rather take a healthy gulp of my wine before answering. The kick of alcohol in my mouth helps to shake some of my nerves.

"Me too. Now I know what boys go through having to call a girl."

He smirks.

"I don't believe that." He replies. "I was a pretty sure thing considering I asked you to call me."

"Yeah well, girls say that all the time when what they really mean is, don't ever talk to me again." I drain my wine.

He eyes my glass and then orders me another with a glass of water.

"Thanks." I say sheepishly. Okay easy there, don't make him think you're a giant lush.

"You're welcome. I didn't mean that when I gave you number. I thought it was pretty obvious."

My mind flashes to the words on his note, and from the look in his eye, I know he's thinking of them too.

My cheeks burn, and I'm glad it's dim in here.

"Touche." I bite my lip.

"So I'm assuming after last night that you don't have a boyfriend." He leans on his forearms, but turns his head and looks me in the eye. I can't help but notice the sinewy muscle that peeks out of the sleeves of his shirt. I shouldn't be so taken with something so minor when I've seen the man completely naked, but somehow, well, I am.

I shake my head, "No, there's no one." I smile wanly, thinking fleetingly of Jacob.

"Good."

"You don't have a girlfriend do you?" I ask sitting up straighter at the idea.

"No." He smirks again.

"I feel like I need to tell you that I don't usually go to those kind of parties, I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me." I say suddenly.

"What kind of idea would that be?" He raises his eyebrow and drinks more of his beer.

"Just that," I stop and think. "Well just that I'm, I don't know, easy, I guess, but that doesn't seem like the right word. It was the first time I'd ever been to a party like that." I stutter all over myself and finally give up and take a swallow of water.

"I guess that would make me easy by your standards then." He gives me a devilish smile, and I want to die of embarrassment, and sexual attraction.

"No, see, that sounded bad, and judgy, but that's not what I meant. I just mean that..." I stop when he starts chuckling.

"Relax, Bella. I knew that you were inexperienced. It was fairly obvious last night."

I feel my face flush and know he can tell I'm mortified.

"Well." I reply not knowing what else to say.

"It's fine that you aren't used to the lifestyle. It didn't stop me from wanting you last night." He licks his lips, and I feel my lower regions start to tingle. "Or wanting you tonight."

Boom.

There goes my brain. It has exploded inside my head. Gone, all gone. I'm reduced to only hormones, and they are surging joyously through my body.

"Uh." I stare at him with unconcealed lust. Can you blame me? With little else to do with myself, I drain my second glass of wine.

Again that damn sexy smirk flits across his mouth.

"Would you like another?" He asks gesturing to my glass.

"No, no thank you, I'm good with the water." I need to keep my faculties about me, especially since my brain just imploded a minute ago.

"Hey!" I say suddenly causing him to jump. I laugh feeling like a moron, but continue with my realization. "Last night when I was talking to Emmett and Rosalie, they said that you were at one of those parties for the first time too. How can you be used to them if it was your first time?"

"They are good friends of mine, but they don't know every little thing about me. They assumed I hadn't and I didn't correct them." he smiled lightly.

"Oh."

Well huh.

We talked a little bit longer, about where I went to college, University of Maryland, where he went, University of Washington, and how he met Emmett there through a mutual friend. The mutual friend had lost touch with both of them, but Edward and Emmett had remained close friends. Rosalie came along during their senior year. They'd attended a party on Greek row, the house hosting it was Rose's sorority. Emmett came in dressed in a toga, never mind that it wasn't a toga party, and saw a curvy blond also wearing, oddly enough a toga over a gold bikini. The took one look at each other and the rest is history.

"You're joking." I said sipping my water.

"Complete truth." Edward smiled lightly.

"That's just crazy, yet somehow, after meeting both of them, also believable." I smile back.

"Who could make that up?"

Edward looks above the bar at the clock.

"Are you ready to go?" He asks finishing his Guinness.

I blink, it seemed like we'd just sat down, but as I look down at my watch I realize we've been there for almost two hours.

"Sure." I slide off the stool and feel fuzzy from the wine. I'm thankful I stopped after the second glass and also glad I'll be walking six blocks back home.

"Goodnight Jax." Edward calls to the bartender, who salutes him with a smile and goes back to polishing glasses.

"Come here often?" I ask and then cringe at the cliche.

Edward merely chuckles, and places his hand on the small of my back as he leads me out into the cool night air.

"Actually yes, I own it." He says simply.

"Own it?" I ask dully. "Winstons?"

"Yeah, are you surprised?" He sticks his hands in his pockets and begins walking down the street with me.

"Yes, I mean no," Ugh. "I mean, I shouldn't be." I finally reply.

"I opened it five years ago."

"How old are you?" I asked studying him. He'd seemed about my age last night, but now I wasn't so sure.

"28. And you're what, 23?"

"Yeah, good guess." I tilt my head at him.

He laughs lightly.

Before I know it, we're a block away from my apartment, and I start to panic. Do I invite him in? Will he invite me to stay with him at his place? Does he expect me to make the first move tonight since I'm the one that called him? Although, _he_ actually called me, after I'd tried calling him. Will aliens invade and relieve me of this awful pressure? Crap! I don't know.

"You've gotten quiet." He says softly.

"I, uh." Have no idea how to answer that. Probably shouldn't mention my fleeting thought of aliens.

We stop in front of my building and I have no clue what to say.

"I'm glad I got to see you again." He takes one of my hands and kisses the knuckles.

I feel myself melting into a pool of desire.

"Me too."

"Bella." He whispers and reaches up to caress my cheek.

"Yes?" I'm barely audible and all I can think is, you, me, in my bed, right now.

"Don't be nervous around me. I have to admit, it's kind of flattering, but unnecessary." He leans in and I can feel his warm breath on my face. It smells like dark Irish beer.

Then his lips take mine and all I feel is the softness of his mouth, and sweet pressure of the kiss. I think I moan lightly as I wrap my arms around him. He slips his tongue teasingly over my bottom lip and then gently messages my tongue.

I've died. This is me dead. Nothing on earth could possibly feel this good. I thought I remembered what being in his arms felt like, but I was wrong, so, so very wrong. It's unimaginably wonderful, and I want to sink in to this feeling forever.

He breaks the kiss way before I'm ready and then drops a light kiss on the corner of my mouth before standing up all the way. Without any thought, I loop my arms tightly around his neck and fuse my lips to his again. I can't help it, it's unplanned, ill-thought out, and without any finesse, but I need to taste him, feel his body against mine right now or I'll die.

I can feel more than hear a deep growl rumbling in his chest as he yanks my hips flush against his. I've never felt this crazed over a man, never hungered for that intimacy and sexual coupling like I do with Edward. I want him with a single-mindedness that is frightening. And wonderfully exciting.

With a gentle nudge, he sets me back from him. His eyes are burning with that familiar desire that shoots straight to my gut. He flexes his fingers on my hips and takes a slow breath.

"I'll call you." He says in a low voice and pinches my chin lightly before turning and heading back towards Winstons.

"Okay." I say after a minute. He's already halfway down the block, before I find my voice.

I walk dazedly into the apartment, and I can hear Jasper and Alice talking in her room with the door closed.

"Hi Bella." Alice calls.

"Hi." I say distractedly as I walk into my room and close the door, locking it to make sure Alice doesn't pop in unexpectedly.

I sit on the edge of my bed and drop my bag on the floor with a thump.

What _is_ this? I think hazily. What are we doing? Are we dating?

I don't know, but whatever it is, I like it.

A lot.

Wait a minute, how am I here alone? I fully expected to have sex tonight because…because it was amazing the last time, and we'd already had it, and I thought he wanted to taste me again. I shiver at that thought.

What guy walks away from sex when it's practically a sure thing?

Edward, that's who. And then I realize I still don't know his last name. I lay back thinking this is by far the strangest relationship I've ever been a part of.

I also find that I don't care.

**What do we think people? Yes? No? Like it? Love it? Hate it? Review for 7 minutes in heaven with Edward. Did anyone else play that game in junior high? Anyone? No? Oh, okay.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay, first things first, please, please leave me some reviews, I feel like a starved child that has no reviews to satiate them. This is me begging for them. **

**And with that said, let's get down to business, I need a beta. I need one for all sorts of reasons, for feedback, for love and support, and for beta-ing. So if anyone is interested, I would be so grateful. I've never had a beta, I don't know how the beta world works (even though I have a degree in english and could be my own beta) I still need one desparately. Let me know if any of you fine readers are willing! Alright, I'm doing with my sorry groveling, here is Chapter 4, enjoy, and know, steaminess is coming (no pun intended):) Muwah!**

**Chapter 4**_**Hot and Dangerous  
If you're one of us, then roll with us.**_

The next morning I get up early and head to Baker Publishers, a tiny company that I started working at three months ago. It's just getting started, so there's only about ten people working in the building. Esme works in the main lobby, while I'm a personal secretary to one of the Editors, Angela.

I try to put Edward out of my mind as I ride the elevator up to my office. I don't want to dwell too much on when he'll call me. But I hope it's soon.

My boss, Angela is in meetings most of the day, so I'm left to man her desk and my own. At lunch, Esme wanders up to my desk and hitches a hip on the side while she munches on an apple.

"So," She gives me a wink. "How was your weekend, honey?"

I take a bite of my chicken salad and smile smugly.

"Oh, fine." I say breezily.

"Did you do anything interesting?"

"Oh I don't know, mostly the normal stuff," I say playing along. "Relaxed, hung out with friends, met an incredible man."

"Ah!" She points a finger at me. "I knew you would go! Did you like Emmett and Rosalie?"

"Yes, there were very nice, and uh! I didn't know you were such a freak." I poke her ribs teasingly.

She laughs.

"But my dear, how do you think I met my husband?"

"You didn't!" I gasp.

"Okay, well my first husband, rest his soul." she smiled. "but I don't want to talk about me, let's talk about you, and you're sexual revolution!"

Somehow with Esme I wanted to tell her all about Edward and what happened. I hadn't wanted to share it with Alice because she would have wanted to protect me and tell me what to do. Esme would just listen and encourage. She would be happy as long as I was happy. I told her everything, what we did, the note he gave me, and our date last night.

"Ohhhh." She teased me when I'd finished. "He sounds dreamy."

I giggled. "Dreamy?"

"Give me a break, I'm like 35, I'm practically ancient."

Which was completely untrue. Esme was beautiful and didn't look like she was even 30. She had long wavy hair the color of caramel and golden brown eyes. Her skin was flawless, and I knew for a fact that she worked out five days a week to keep her slim figure. She looked like an innocent old movie star. I would never have guessed that she was such a sexual creature.

"Oh whatever, Esme. You seem younger than me sometimes."

"Well I'm young for my age, and you're old for yours. We meet in the middle. But," she waves her hand as if to dismiss our words. "the question of the day is what are you going to do with your new man?"

I shrug and try to seem like I haven't been agonizing about this very thing since I woke up this morning.

"He said he'd call me."

"And then after he calls?" she prompts throwing her apple core into the trash can under my desk.

"I don't know. We'll see."

"Friendly advice?" she offers

"Shoot."

"Go for it with him. Don't plan, don't think, just do. And by do, I mean have wild jungle sex at every moment you can!" she grins wickedly when I start laughing.

"You won't be sorry, honey, you'll just be satisfied." She slides off my desk and saunters toward the door. "Keep me updated."

"Always." I grin back.

I dump the rest of my lunch in the trash and feel infinitely better about the situation since talking to Esme, she has a calming effect on me. I don't need to stress about this, I just need to enjoy it.

I try to remind myself of this four days later when Edward still hasn't called me. I walked to work in a navy blue pencil skirt, gray blouse, and nude pumps while repeating that I should just be glad for the night that I had with him over and over in my head.

The wind keeps blowing my hair into my face so I throw it up into a messy twist with a pen I've dug out of the bottom of my handbag.

I set out to be liberated, do something wild and crazy and _not _me. And that's exactly what I did, so I'm proud of myself. There is absolutely no need to feel sad that he hasn't called.

The butthole.

Stop it. I scold myself as I walk through the double glass doors of the office building of Baker Publishers. I step into the elevator and take a deep breath. It took all I had to walk away from Jacob, and now I should enjoy all the freedom, all the liberation that came with it. There was no one to tell me to do this, act like that. Nothing stopping me from doing exactly what I want. And being with Edward, whether having sex or getting a drink was just that. It is about being free to be with whoever I want in whatever capacity I want.

I keep telling myself this as I work through the morning. Esme stops by my desk again at lunch to hear if anything new has developed and I tell her in overly bright tones that no, he hasn't called, but I'm totally fine with it, in fact, I think I'm going to go out tonight with some friends. Of course I've totally made the last part up, and of course Esme knows it, because I'm not the girl that goes out on Thursday nights, I'm the girl that holes up with a book.

Regardless, she gives me Rosalie's cell phone number and tells me that they are going out to some new club if I'm headed out anyway. I think she just feels sorry for me, but I choose to believe she's helping me branch out. The truth probably lies somewhere in between. A new writer, Mike, comes into Angela's office near the end of the day, and after he winks and flirts his way passed my desk, Angela tells me to go on home, and that she'll be leaving for the day as soon as her meeting with Mike is over. Part of me is annoyed with Mike's ridiculous attempts to hit on me, the other part of me is slightly smug, see Edward, you're not the only man around. Mostly though, I'm just annoyed.

After what feels like an endless day, I walk into the apartment and find an enormous spray of white roses on the kitchen counter.

Jasper must have really screwed up this time, I think as I walk over to them and sniff appreciatively. Then I notice the card that has my name scrawled in a familiar spidery script. My heart skips as I open the envelope and see the message.  
_  
Bella,_

Many apologies for not calling you as soon as I'd hoped.  
I've been thinking of you constantly.

Edward

I stare at the card reading it a second, third, and fourth time. It's the first time I've ever received flowers from a guy and by far the sweetest note. His first note was just plain sexy, but this, this is sweet. I melt and bury my face in the white blooms again.

"There you are!"

I whirl around and find Alice standing there with an accusatory look on her face.

"What?" I say innocently.

"Don't 'what' me. Who is sending you flowers?"

"Uh." Is my intelligent reply.

"Don't 'uh' me either, Bella Swan." Her tone is practically scolding.

"Did you read my card?" I ask narrowing my eyes like I'm really upset at her violation of privacy, but really, I'm hoping she didn't so I can lie about it.

"No." She glowers at me. "I have a speck of respect, but don't think I didn't almost do it!"

"Well that's something I suppose." I say with relief. "They are from a friend of Esme's. You know from work?"

This is not necessarily a lie. Emmett and Rosalie are friends with Esme, and Edward is friends with Emmett, so you know, it's all connected in the grand scheme of things.

Alice studies me.

"Why would a friend of Esme's send you flowers?"

"Oh you know, he just has a little crush." I wave my hand like it's no big deal.

She cocks an eyebrow, "Three dozen roses is no little crush" but thankfully doesn't say anything more as she flounces back to her bedroom.

Phew! Just squeaked out of that one. I take the vase and set it on my dresser. Pretty, I think to myself. Surely, he must be planning to call me soon. I change out of my work clothes and into some comfy sweats and wait for my phone to ring.

Four hours later and still no word from him. I know, intellectually that it's not as big of a deal as I'm making it, but I'm _feeling _pretty pathetic. I've literally been sitting here for four hours waiting for my phone to ring. Who does that?

Isabella Swan does, that's who.

I growl to myself before looking at my clock. It's 9:00 p.m. on a Thursday. Damn it, I'm going out. I grab my phone and dial Rosalie's number that I've gotten from Esme. It rings twice before she picks up.

"Hello!" She yells over the din of music and voices in the background.

"Rosalie?" I say loudly.

"Yeah, who is this?"

I hear the noise receding as I assume she's moving away from it.

"It's Bella, Esme gave me your number." I say feeling awkward.

"Bella! Hi! Yeah, Esme told me she was going to give you my number. Are you coming out tonight?" Her voice warms once I tell her it's me.

"Yeah, I think I am, where are you right now?"

"We're at Hot Point, stupid name, but it's actually a fun crowd tonight."

"Okay, are you going to be there a while?" I ask glancing at my closet trying to think of what I want to wear.

"Yeah, yeah, at least for another few hours. I'll keep my eye out for you!" I hear Emmett say something in the background and Rosalie laugh.

"Emmett says he'll keep his eye out for you too" She says suggestively.

I laugh because I don't know what else to do. We say goodbye and I dash over to Alice's door.

"Brandon, front and center!" I yell knocking on her door.

She throws open her door.

"Reporting for duty," she salutes me.

I laugh and run over to her closet, and start pawing through my options.

"I'm going out, you coming with me?" I ask pulling out a short one-shouldered purple dress.

"Do you even know me at all?" She looks exasperated as she dives in beside me and grabs a silver halter top and black leather pants. "You should wear that dress, and I have the cutest necklace to go with it."

"Done, can you do my makeup?" I start stripping down to my panties, and throwing on the dress, forgoing a bra altogether.

She stops and stares at me with wide-eyes. "Who are you, and what have you done with my best friend?"

I shrug with a grin. "I'm a new woman remember?" And then I yelp when she kisses me full on the lips.

"I think I'm in love with the new you!" We both giggle and then start getting ready.

By the time we walk into Hot Point, my hair is big, and my face is painted. Alice even talked me into wearing a pair of sky-high bronze ankle boots. I am feeling ready to get my party on. As soon as we walk up to the bar, I spot Rose dancing with Emmett in the middle of the crowded floor. She was wearing a deep red shift dress that matches her lips perfectly. Her hair is hanging down her back in a rain of smooth gold. The girl is stunning, even in a room full of people.  
Thankfully, she saw me as soon as I saw her, and danced her way over to me.

"Bella! You look amazing!" She leans in a for a hug and to my surprise kisses me on the cheek.

"You look gorgeous, Rose!" I don't know why or how, but I feel comfortable with Rosalie.

"Thanks! Alice!" she turns towards my friend. "You look great too! Come on, let's get you both a drink!" She takes both our hands and leads us to the bartender and orders a pitcher of margaritas.  
They are citrusy and delicious and before I know it, I've downed four of them.

They swim gloriously in my head as I dance with Emmett. I look over and Rose is dancing with the blond guy from the party last weekend, and Alice must have called Jasper at some point because she's grinding with him in the corner of the floor.

Emmett pulls me towards him, spins me out, and then dances back in. We both laugh hysterically. I love this feeling, like anything can happen and I won't care. I won't over think it, analyze it, worry about it.

I throw my arms in the air and slither up his body. He grabs my hips and moves them in rhythm with his. I'm sure I'm grinning stupidly at him, but I _just don't care! _Before I know it, the song has ended and Rosalie saunters over to us.

"Someone's got moves," she smacks me on the butt, and I let out a yelp of surprise.

"So does your boy." I throw my thumb towards Emmett.

"Oh sugar, you don't even know." She smiles smugly.

"Woo!" I hoot, and they both laugh.

"Maybe I'll let you see them sometime." Emmett grins at me wickedly.

"I don't think I can handle your moves, dude." I punch his arm.

I look over and see Jasper shooting me concerned looks. The boy just doesn't know when to let up. You'd think he really was my older brother. I smile at them and walk over to do some consoling.

"You guys having fun?"

"Always!" Alice yells. She's been chugging the margaritas with me, so I know she's feeling good.

"Yeah, Bella, do you _really _know those people? I mean, they're kind of different." Jasper says laying a hand on my shoulder.

Trying to keep it easy and simple, I smile brightly. "Sure I know them, they're friends' of Esme's from work, and you know, sometimes different is good."

"Sometimes, it's not." I hear him mutter. Okay, it's time to booze up Jasper before he's total buzz kill.

"Come on." I loop my arm through his.

"Where are we going?"

"To get you a Jagermeister."

"I don't want a Jagermeister."

"Yes you do. I'm buying."

We get up to the bar and I order two, and hand them both to him.

"Bella, who are you?" He shakes his head at me.

"I'm me, and everyone needs to start getting used it. Drink up, bud."

The music changes again to "OMG" by Usher and I stick my tongue out in a grin as I dance my way back towards Emmett and Rose. Jasper stares at me in disbelief and then finally chugs one of his drinks.

Em and Rose both turn towards me and we start dancing in a tiny group. I keep dancing my ass off and I lose track of time. A slow song comes on, so I head back up to the bar for a drink of water. I think I've pretty much sweated half of the alcohol out of my body, but I'm parched. Just as I take the first glorious sip, I'm yanked back by my shoulder, making me slop water all over the floor and myself.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" The angry voice causes my stomach to jump into my throat, and I'm speechless.

Jacob is glaring at me, with a look that is beyond enraged.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, just an addiction to it and red wine. **

**Chapter 5**_** Still the night, kill the lights, feel it under your skin  
Time is right, keep it tight, cause it's pulling you in.**_

"Answer me!" Jacob gives my arm another shake, and still I can't make my voice work.

"Get your hands off of her right now." Jasper has bolted for us and is in Jacob's face. Emmett is beside Jasper with his fists clenched and ready, while Alice and Rosalie are pulling me away from them.

"Are you okay?" Alice asks, gripping my hand and rubbing my back. I start coming back to my senses, and realize that we've drawn quite a bit of attention. People are staring and I'm standing there with a dumbfounded look on my face, dripping water onto the floor.

"I didn't know you'd turned into such a whore." Jacob practically spews at me. My stomach heaves again as a knee-jerk reaction. He always had the ability to intimidate me.

"Watch your mouth, asshole!" Rosalie shouts at him. I've never seen anyone talk to him like that before, and both Jacob and I stare at her in shock for a second.

"Shut up, bitch. This is between me and her." He points at me and starts walking towards me.

Before he makes it two steps, Emmett's decked him and he's flat on the floor with his nose gushing blood.

He hunkers down and picks Jacob's head up by his hair. " See when you speak to women like that, it pisses their husband's off, and when you manhandle women like that, it pisses their friends off. Unlucky for you, you just did both to my wife and my friend. You come near Bella again and I'll personally break every bone in your body." Emmett let's go of Jacob's face, and pokes him hard in the chest.

Jasper raises an eyebrow in agreement and I think has found a new friend in Emmett.

"Come on, honey." Rose starts leading me outside.

The cool air hits me and I breathe it in. Reality begins to crash down around me and I feel all the humiliation of what I had allowed into me life be exposed for everyone to see. I know that my face is pale and I'm trying to not cry.

"I'm so sorry, guys-" I start to dive into my apology, but am interrupted.

"Don't even start that shit." Jasper says pacing, obviously still spoiling for a fight.

I blow out my breath and close my eyes, not sure what to say.

I finally put my hands on my hips and shrug.

"I sure can pick 'em."

"And you know when to discard the losers too." Rose says furiously. "He's an idiot, and I wish I'd been the one to punch him!"

"Me too." Alice says jerking her chin up in camaraderie.

"Join the club." Jasper mutters still pacing.

Emmett just grins because he got too. "I have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed it."

"Selfish." Rose grins at him, obviously proud of her man.

"Only sometimes." He winks back and suddenly they're acting like we didn't just have a high adrenaline moment in the club.

"Okay, everyone, we need to go cool off." Rose links her arm with Emmett. "Come on, champ, I'll buy you a drink."

They start heading down the street, and Alice just shrugs and follows with her arm still latched through mine. I glance back at Jasper and he's following too, but with a dissatisfied look on his face.

"Jasper," I say quietly, dropping back to walk with him. "I really am sorry."

"I'm not mad at you, Bella. I just _hate _that guy."

"I know." And I don't say anything else, because really what is there to say?

Five blocks later and Rose turns into Winstons. I jerk in surprise. This is where we're headed? Into Edward's club? Perfect. The last thing I need is to see him and have explain why my dress is damp and why we've come here to "cool off". Maybe he won't be here.

We walk in and it looks exactly as I remember, except instead of a jazz trio in the back corner, it's a man and woman both singing with acoustic guitars. The mood is mellow, and soothing. It's a complete opposite of the club we just came from.

Rose and Emmett head straight for the bar and order drinks for everyone. By the time I'm drinking my Shiner Bock, I see Edward come out of the back room. My stomach tightens and I can't help the flash of us writhing together in ecstasy flash through my head.

I feel my face flush and hurriedly take another drink of my beer. What is it about this man that makes me feel like I need to drink copious amounts of alcohol just to feel comfortable around him?

"Hello everyone." He walks behind the bar and nods at the bartender, Jax, and takes his place filling drink orders. "What brings you all out tonight?" He looks at me through a fringe of eyelashes and my mouth goes bone-dry.

"We needed a pick me up." Rose grins at Emmett, and then winks at me.

Oh no, she's going to tell Edward about the humiliation at the club. I kick her ankle just as she opens her mouth again.

"There was- Ow!" She winces and then tries to cover herself as I widen my eyes in a silent plea.

"There was what?" Edward looks between the two of us, and settles his look at me.

"Just a little fight broke out at the club we were at. So we left." I say hoping my voice is convincing.

"I see." He says slowly and angles his head at me like he knows there's more to the story than we're telling him, which of course is true.

"Yeah, dude, you should have seen it, I totally cleaned this guys clock!" Emmett spouts, oblivious to either me or Rose, who is squeezing his thigh under the bar.

I close my eyes, knowing, just _knowing _that here it comes, my ridiculous drama with a crazy ex-boyfriend, that will no doubt scare off Edward. Because really, what is more attractive than a girl with baggage? Not to even mention the fact that he said he'd call me, and he hasn't so it looks like, here I am, showing up to stalk you in your club.

Alright, so it wasn't my idea to come here, but he doesn't know that.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom." I say quietly to Rose, who nods and shoot Emmett a dirty look.

"I'll go too." Alice pipes up, hopping off her stool. She and Jasper have been pretty silent since we walked in. I notice that he's nursing a Bud out of the bottle, and looking at Edward suspiciously. I hope he doesn't remember him from the party last weekend, but part of me is pretty sure he does. Jasper is a watchdog when it comes to me, and he's relentless. Especially after the Jake fiasco.

'Fiasco'. What a joke. Understatement of the year. It was a complete debaucle, and will go down in my life as one of the biggest lessons slash mistakes of my life.

Alice and I make our way back to the dark hallway that leads to the restrooms. As we walk into the surprisingly lush ladies room, Alice grabs my arm.

"That's the guy!"

"What guy?" I play stupid, while thinking, _crap_, _crap_, _crap_.

I head to the hand dryer, punch it on, and stand underneath the spigot, trying to dry my still damp dress the rest of the way.

"The guy! The _guy_!" She yelps gesturing wildly.

"You'll have to be more specific than 'the _guy'_."

No way am I giving her anything, she's going to have to get all of this on her own.

"From the party, Rosalie and Emmett's friend!"

"Why do you think that?" Dang it, she's a bright little thing.

"Because we met him right before we left."

"So? What does that have to do with anything?"

"What it has to do with," she rolls her eyes in exasperation, " Is that he's totally into you, don't you remember the way he looked at you at the party, _ultra _lusty! AND, he keeps flicking his eyes at you tonight! You should go for it!"

"What?"

Now I'm confused, maybe she doesn't know that he's '_the guy'_, like rocked my universe _guy_.

"You think I should go for it?" I say lamely.

"Absolutely, you need a guy who'll boost your confidence after the train wreck that was Jacob, and going to sex parties and sleeping with strangers just doesn't cut it!" She shakes her tiny finger at me.

Oh boy, she has no idea how much it had cut it.

"I'll think about it." I run my fingers through my hair and start back to the bar.

"Speaking of sex parties, why are you acting funny around Rose and Emmett, you've barely said two words to them, don't you think they're nice, I mean, they hosted the whole thing after all." I whisper as we're walking.

"Sure, they seem nice, I just don't want to think about the kinky-kinkiness they do." She whispers back.

Okay, fair enough, it is kind of crazy to think about what happens at their house, especially since I saw it first hand.

When we get back, Edward has disappeared, and Emmett is looking at me sheepishly.

"Sorry, I didn't know we weren't talking about the fight."

He looks so cute, I pat his arm.

"It's okay."

"I think I'm ready to call it a night." Jasper stands up. Poor guy was probably ready to call it a night three hours ago.

"Come on, babe, I'll make it up to you at home." Alice nuzzles his neck.

And they get all weird about Rose and Em's public displays of affection? Geez.

"You ready, champ?" Rose stands as well.

"Yeah, let's get you home and into bed." He winks enthusiastically at her. I can't help but shake my head at all of them. One track minds.

Although, let's be honest, my mind has been running the same loop a lot lately too, so what am I talking about?

"You ready to go, Bella?" Alice asked me. "Or did you want to say goodnight to Edward?"

She smirks, as does Rose.

"Uhhh." Is my brilliant reply.

"We'll wait." says Jasper firmly.

"No we won't. See you at home." Alice practically shoves Jasper out the door, as I roll my eyes. The whole set up is so ridiculous.

Everyone trails out and suddenly I feel apprehensive about staying. What am I going to say? 'Uh hey, everyone else left, but I stayed so I could look at you a little longer, even though you said you'd call me, and haven't, but well, I'm desperate, which is pretty obvious because here I am, trailing you like a love sick puppy.'

Why do I want to stay and make a bad night even worse?

The answer is I don't. I don't want to be embarrassed and feel stupid.

I grab my clutch and head to the door. I push it open and walk out into the cool night. I see a little wooden bench down in front of the neighboring building under a tiny tree that is planted off to the side of the sidewalk. I meander over and drop down onto it. I sit staring at the night sky and wonder how long I should give Jasper and Alice before I head home. I really don't need to walk in on her 'making it up to him.'

It feels nice to finally be by myself and in the quiet. After the craziness with Jacob tonight, and the anticipation of Edward calling, it just feels good to breathe in the night air and relax. Other than the few pedestrians, and the evening breeze, it's silent. My phone vibrates in my bag. Probably Alice. I dig it out and to my astonishment, it's Edward's number on my caller ID.

"Hello?" I sit up straight, and look around like he's noticed me sitting outside and wants to know why I'm such a freak, staking out his joint. I should have at least walked down to the next bench.

"Didn't feel like saying goodbye?" He says softly into the phone.

"Uh, well, actually..."

Okay, he doesn't know that technically I'm still here, and I don't know how to tell him that I am without seeming like a weirdo. You know, just hanging out by myself in front of his bar.

"I was trying to finish up here so I could be done for the night by the time you were ready to leave." He doesnt' sound annoyed, but not happy either.

"I haven't made it far." I say inanely, chewing on the corner of my thumb nail.

"How far is that?"

I hear the door to his place open and I just know it's him.

Well, hell.

"This far." I look over at him and give him a sheepish smile.

He blinks at me, and then the corners of his mouth turn up.

"And I was getting ready to scold you. I guess I can't now." He closes his phone.

Geez his voice sounds like liquid sex. My stomach jumps at the sound of it.

I kind of shrug and try not to turn red, which is pointless.

He comes over and sits down next to me.

"Hi." He says quietly.

"Hi." I whisper back. And to my utter joy, he slides his hand through my hair and leans in for a soft kiss.

"You look amazing tonight." He breathes into my ear.

"Thank you." It takes all my willpower to keep my brain functioning through the firestorm of hormones.

He leans back and smiles at me again before reaching into his pocket and taking out a pack of cigarettes and a silver lighter.

"So, how was your evening?" He asks and lights the cigarette.

Why is a guy smoking a cigarette so damn hot? It's like James Dean or Paul Newman hot.

"It was fine." Is my automatic reply.

"Hmmm. I heard about a fight. Care to fill in the blanks of the story?" Again he inhales and my eyes are drawn to his lips.

"No." I say honestly.

He raises an eyebrow, but doesn't comment.

Finally, he skims his knuckles on my cheek, and then runs his thumb over my bottom lip.

"Are you coming home with me tonight?" He says softly.

"I hope so." I say all breathy and light-headed.

He smirks again, the sexy bastard.

"Come on." He throws his cigarette to the ground and takes my hand.

Mutely, I get up and follow him behind Winstons. He unlocks a shiny, black Volvo, and I can't help but salivate when I climb in and it smells enticingly like lemons with a whiff of smoke. That shouldn't be appealing, but here I am, completely appealed to it.

Edward pulls up in front of a brick apartment building. He eases into the underground garage, and parks in a numbered stall. He throws me a sexy smile before cutting the engine and climbing out of the car.

We silently walk through a metal door and into a lobby with white walls. I follow him into an elevator where he punches the 11th floor button. I hear "Dancing in a Burning Room" by John Mayer playing through the building speakers. His mellow vocals soothe as well as arouse me further.

Edward takes my hand and pulls me out into the hall and into the apartment at the end of a very long hallway.

"Thirsty?" he asks glancing at me while emptying his wallet, keys and cell phone into a candy dish beside the door. Apparently, he isn't afraid that I'll steal his worldly goods and dash off with them in the middle of the night.

"Uh, yeah." I say, looking around, taking in the spaciousness of his loft apartment. "Just water, please."

He's got floor to ceiling windows on the East side of his apartment that are cloaked with gauzy red curtains. The north and south walls carry an eclectic array of photos, paintings, and prints of all genres and eras. The west side of the giant room leads into a pretty good sized kitchen and dining room. A rotiron staircase winds up onto a second level that is dark. I stare at it unthinkingly.

"Come on." He gives me that half smile that shimmers straight to my stomach and hands me the glass of water. He takes my other hand, kissing the knuckles and starts up the staircase.

At the top, is a small room that is completely open to the rest of the loft. He turns on the bedside lamp and sits on the bed.

I stand awkwardly, unsure of myself, unsure of the moves that should be so easy. Why can't I be like any other girl my age; ready and willing to the sexiest thing he's ever seen.

"Are you nervous, again?" He looks at me through impossibly long eyelashes.

"No." It's not a lie, I'm not scare, I'm _terrified_.

"Why?"

That's a good question. I know why I'm scared, it's because I'm completely unsure of what I should be doing, how I should be acting. The problem is that I can't tell him that. The last time we were together like this, it was in a totally different setting, a sex party. There were no expectations, only anticipation. Now, we know what happens when we get naked. Fireworks.

I just don't want my own idiosynchrocies to ruin it.

"I don't know." I say finally.

"You really shouldn't be." He says slowly standing up. "Somehow, you're still the sexiest woman I know. I've had you, tasted you, been inside of you, and I still feel like I did the night I first saw you."

"How is that?" Am I still breathing?

He stands right in front of me and looks lumberously into my eyes.

"I have no fucking idea, but if I don't have you soon, I'm going to go crazy."

Oh sweet-

All thought process is cut off as he slides his hands onto my hips and up over my belly, and resting his forehead against mine.

"Right now, Bella, don't make me wait any longer." he whispers.

"You're the one that didn't call me."

Where did that come from?

I didn't even know it was floating around inside my brain, I was so consumed with this man, all synapses had shut down for the night.

His face sets and he exhales slowly.

"Believe me, I wanted to," his long fingers grip the side of my dress and for a thrilling moment, I think he's going to rip it off me.

Instead, he relaxes each finger, one at a time, and brushes his lips over my jawline.

"I haven't had a moments peace since I've met you."

My brain fogs and before I realize it, he has hitched my dress up to my hips and is rubbing hypnotizing circles over my thighs. I'm hot, and tingling, and it's all centered on the beautiful man in front of me. It'll be a miracle if I don't come in the next minute.

"Edward." I breathe, barely able to believe his words.

"Let me have you, over and over, let me have you." he whispers into my ear, sending shockwaves through over my skin.

I'm about to fall into a puddle of drowsy hormones when he kisses me so deeply, so utterly, that instead of melting, I detonate. Like a bomb, like a firework, I shoot into orbit with colors so bright and dazzingly, I almost can't comprehend.

His lips are smooth and soft, yet rough and unyielding, and they are assaulting my body, my senses. He runs his lips from my mouth, down my throat, peeling the single strap off my shoulder and smooths the whole thing down my body, until I'm standing in front of him in nothing but my panties and heels.

"How can you do this to me, it's so un-fucking-fair." He firmly caresses my bare back as I unbutton his shirt as quickly as I can.

"Do what?" I say unwittingly, and breathless.

"Be more beautiful than I remember."

He leans down and takes one of my nipples in his mouth, suckling, I halt for a minute, absorbing the pleasure that washes over me, wave, after wave of it.

"Uhhhh"

"Tell me that you want me." He says in his velvety voice.

"I want you." I almost stutter, but mean every word. "I want you inside of me right now."

He groans and pulls away from me to dispose of his shoes and pants. Before he's finished, I pounce back on him, kissing his neck and down his chest until I reach his boxers. With dexterity that is completely unlike me, I whip them off and kiss the part of his body that I've been dreaming of, craving for, since we were last together.

"Mmmm" Did that wanton sound come from _me_?

"Oh sweet-" His voice is gritty and unimaginably sexy.

I lick him, and look up to his face through my eyelashes. He stares back at me with his mouth slightly open and an intensity in his deep green eyes. He tastes so good, so indescribable. I don't ever want to stop sampling him.

I know that I don't have any special tricks when it comes to pleasuring a man in this way, but I do know how to run my tongue over him, apply pressure on his tip and take him into me deeply, and if the noises he's making are any indication, he is enjoying himself as much as I am.

"Bella," He gasps, "Please, you've got to stop, I'm too close."

Slowly, he pulls out of my mouth and hauls me up and onto the bed covering me with his body. His hand snakes down between us and he fists my lace panties, effectively rendering them from me.

"Edward!"

But he's already plunged two fingers inside of me, and I can't help it, I start coming and coming and coming. We had sex a week ago, but it feels like an eternity. I'm so turned on, so attracted, and his eyes are locked on mine, as his thumb rubs mind-blowing circles. It's so erotic I can barely believe it's happening to me.

"That's right, baby." He breathes into my ear as I wind my arms around his neck for support and grind into his hand.

He kisses my neck as I catch my breath. Shit, that was, that was... I can't even come up with the word before he turns me onto my side and slides behind me. We both groan in unison as he eases into me. I feel so exquisitely full.

"Shit," His body tenses. "Condom."

"I'm on the pill" I practically moan, pushing myself back against him. "Don't stop, please don't stop. This feels so amazing."

I'm giddy with lust, and the only thing I can focus on is this moment right now.

Edward relaxes behind me, and pushes his fingers over my sex, countering our rhythm with firm caresses.

"Yes. Oh yes!"

"Fuck!"

With his other hand, he pulls my nipples. The combination of sensations throws me back into the building storm that is swirling inside my body, I can feel the tightening in my belly, warning me that I'm going to come again.

"Edward..." Whose voice is this? This husky whisper that is coming from my body.

"Come on, Bella, give it to me." He urges me, quickening our rhythm.

His words send me into a spiral, and I'm coming undone. His body clenches, and his breath is expelling erratically telling me that he's coming too.

When we've finally ridden out both of our orgasms, we lay silently, breathing heavy and sheened in healthy sweat. I've never felt this amazing after sex before, hell, I've never felt this amazing before period. The closest I've come is maybe after the last time we were together.

"You're still wearing your shoes." Edward says softly, kissing the middle of my back.

I giggle and toe them off. Who would have thought that me, Bella Swan would have jungle sex in heels, and not even notice? What a decadent feeling. I stretch like a cat in the sun and roll over to face him. His left hand is propping up his head while his right is stroking the side of my body. It's drugging and it makes me want to curl up against him for a nice long sleep.

"I got caught up and forgot to take them off." I say smiling at him.

His mossy green eyes are half-lidded, and a smirk tilts his mouth to one side.

"I like knowing that you wanted me so badly you couldn't even be bothered to finish undressing."

Cocky bastard.

I blush anyway.

His smile grows and he leans in for a gentle kiss.

"I hope that's what it was and you didn't keep them on so you could make a quick exit."

"Maybe that's exactly what I was doing." I say even though leaving is the last thing I want to do.

"Well, then I must convince you to stay apparently."

His hand that is lazily trailing over my body slides down to softly part my legs.

Edward's eyebrow quirks up.

"Wet already, Bella?"

The way he says my name makes me even wetter. I can't help or comprehend this strong physical reaction that I have for only him.

"It seems-" my breath catches as he starts kissing my breasts, "that I'm not done with you, Edward."

"I'm glad to hear that," he covers my body with his, and we both sigh as he fills me. "because the feeling is mutual."

**Tell me what you think!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Well this chapter turned into a mega-chapter (at least a mega-chapter for me), and I was helpless to do anything but keep typing it out. I hope you all love it, or like it, I'd be happy if you just liked it:) And for the record, this would have been up sooner, but for some frustrating reason, it would not load!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, just a bitchin red minidress.**

**Chapter 6**

_**Baby, I can come by, and pick you up,**_

_**We'll make love into the night, forever.**_

I wake the next morning to feel the warm sun on my back. Before I even open my eyes, the image of Edward floats through my brain. His smell is surrounding me, on the pillow that my head is resting on, in the sheets that I'm tangled in. It's that heavenly scent of lemons and smoke. Why is it so mouth-watering?

Because it's _his_.

I sigh in contentment and roll over, dragging the top sheet up to cover me, and look around the room. The sunshine is pouring brightly through his plated windows bathing the room in a yellow glow. I see that my clothes are laying neatly over a chair in the corner, and I also notice that I am alone.

Shoving a hand through my tossled hair, I slide off the bed, and bend down to pick up my underwear, which is in tatters and can't ever be worn again. I should be horrified to think that I'll be completely without any undergarments on my way home, but it only thrills me darkly, as the memory of Edward ripping them from my body with abandon. I give in and let myself shiver with satisfaction before scooping up my dress, and pulling it over my head. The clutch that I used last night is thankfully on the chair as well and I dig out a hair band. There's not much to be done with the haystack that is charading as my hair, so I pull it back into a ponytail.

Now, where is that man that used my body in so many delicious ways last night?

I pick up my shoes and pad silently down the stairs to the main level of his loft. It's lit brightly due to his wall of windows and feels completely homey, comfortable.

"Good morning sleepy head."

I whip around and see that Edward is behind a the counter of his open kitchen, dressed only in faded jeans, his coppery hair disheveled, and drinking a cup of coffee.

My mouth waters, and for once, it's not for the coffee.

"Hi." I say feeling somewhat shy. It's absurd that I should be awkward in front of him now, he's seen, if not, licked, every inch of my body. What's left to be uncertain of?

"I was about to wake you, I don't have to be at work until this afternoon, but I wasn't sure when you had to be in." He walks over, handing me a second cup of aromatic caffeine.

"Oh crap!" My eyes dart around frantically trying to find a clock. It's Friday, still a weekday.

"It's seven, well a little after, but close enough."

"I've got to go!" I gulp the coffee and set the mug down as the rich brew burns a trail down my throat. "I've got to be in by eight! Crap, crap, crap! I'm going to be late!" I drop my shoes to the floor with a thud, and slip them on. Then freeze.

"I don't have a car. I'll call a cab." I rip open my bag and dig around for my cell phone. Hmmm, three missed calls and two texts, all from Alice. I'll deal with her later.

A hand stops mine as I start scrolling for the cab company's number.

"Whoa, relax, I'll take you home. Just give me a sec." Edward sends me an amused smile, and then jogs upstairs, returning in seconds with a gray t-shirt on and flip flops. How can he look so handsomely comfortable, when I know I look like a train wreck? It's not fair, I could almost punch him. But then he walks over to me and kisses my mouth so warmly, and I decide that I'm a lover, not a fighter.

"Come on, we'll get you to work on time." He slides his arms around my waist and kisses my neck before taking my hand and leading me to the door.

A single thought plays on loop through my brain, 'you are in so completely over your head.'

I'm typing a memo for Angela when my desk phone rings.

"Angela Weber's office." I say finishing the sentence I'm typing, then grab a pen to take the phone message.

"You saw your stud again didn't you?"

"Hello Esme," I say smoothly. "Did you need me to connect you to Ms. Weber?"

"Stop playing games, little Miss! I know you, and I know what you look like when you get some. You got some good, didn't you? Don't lie."

"I'm sorry, it looks like Ms. Weber has already left for a business lunch, but will be back by two if it's urgent." I barely suppress a laugh. It's just too much fun to tease Esme.

"Lunch starts in five minutes and you better believe I'll be dogging you by 12:01. Be prepared to spill."

I hear the phone click and laugh out loud. I finish the rest of the memo and send it out to the designated employees. By the time I'm done, it's exactly 12:00, and the elevater dings. Esme walks out and hops up onto the side of my desk.

"Go." She pulls out a lettuce wrap and gives me her full attention.

"I've still got a minute." I smirk, taking out my own emergancy lunch of crackers and carrot sticks. I didn't have time to pack anything more substantial because I barely even made it through the doors by eight.

"I see you're eating the 'I woke up late, so I'll just have crumbs' lunch. He keep you up that late?" She wiggles her butt like she's settling in for a good story.

"As a matter of fact, I went home early with a headache last night, and just overslept." I say primly nibbling on my carrots.

"Liar."

"Okay, I partied hard, and then let Edward ravage me until the wee hours of the morning."

"Now we're talking." She points at me.

I shake my head, but like she knew I would do, I told her everything; how I went out dancing with Alice, met up with Emmett and Rose, Jacob and the fight, and finally going to Edward's.

"Does he have an older brother?" Esme sipped her iced tea, the lettuce wrap had long since disappeared.

"No, I don't think so." I laugh.

"When are you going to see him again?"

I frowned slightly, when he'd dropped me off at home this morning, he'd given me a rather chaste kiss, and said he'd call me. That wasn't exactly definite.

"I don't know." I admit.

"Hmmm, well hopefully it's soon." She wiggled her eyebrows at me, and hopped back off my desk.

"No kidding." I muttered as she waved and stepped into the elevater.

I tried not to think about it too much as I finished my work day, but wasn't it kind of odd that he didn't say when he'd call me, or make loose plans to see me again? Maybe I was just a booty call. I mean, we weren't a couple, it was too soon for that, and of course he'd invite me to his apartment last night after I showed up at his bar and practically threw myself at him.

Okay, I didn't throw myself at him, but I was pretty available to him. Am I being overly paranoid, I thought as I shut down my computer and gathered my things to leave for the day. Probably, but then again, maybe I'm not. I could so easily fall in love with this guy.

I stopped short, _fall in love_? _What_? That's crazy! That's ludicrous! I can't fall in love with him! Where was all the resolve that I had after the sex party? The maturity that we could enjoy each other without becoming tangled in a complex relationship? I knew that we had a moment of passion, but that didn't mean it was anything more than that! Right?

I took a breath, and decided to take the stairs down instead of the elevater.

Okay, okay, don't get ahead of yourself. You had sex with the man, and then you went on a date, sort of, you had drinks, and then you had sex with him again.

Well when I broke it down like that, I felt kind of slutty. I'd think about that later, for now I needed to talk myself off the ledge of insanity. No one is falling in love with anyone else, and that is that.

I huffed out into the lobby.

"Bella!"

Lauren, the front receptionist waves me down.

"Hey Lauren." I walk over to her.

"Hi, a call just came in for you, but I couldn't catch you at your desk. Here's the message." She hands me the pink piece of paper and turns back to her computer.

"Thanks." I take it and read it on the way out of the building.

_Call me. Edward._

Geez, how romantic.

And okay, maybe I'm being sensitive about it, but compared to his _'I can still taste you'_ note, this one leaves a lot to be desired. I make a face to myself, and blow out the double doors. The evening is slightly cool, but fairly balmy for this time of year.

I shove Edward's sort-of message into my purse and start treking towards my apartment. It's dark inside, when I unlock our front door and drop my bag and keys onto the sidetable. I've barely flicked a lamp on when I hear tiny feet stampeding up the flight of stairs outside our door.

Alice. And oh, am I going to hear it. I haven't called her all day because, frankly, I don't have the energy to deal with Hurricane Alice. I texted her as soon as I sat down at my desk to let her know that I was in fact alive, and not shoved into a refrigerator box, and floating down the river.

"You!"

I turn gingerly, waiting for the onslaught.

"I'm going to pour two very large glasses of wine, and sit my butt on that sofa, while you sit your's on that chair," She points so that there is no mistake to the seating arrangement. "and you are going to tell me in finite detail what happened after we left last night, and by finite, I mean, I want to hear about every moan, every gasp, and every 'oh baby', you got that Swan?"

You know, I could tell her to mind her business, that I'm tired and don't feel like talking, or that I just had a really long day, anything to get her off my back, but really, why fight it, fight _her_? And to be fair, I would want to hear the whole story, were our roles reversed. I might get it out of her differently than she's trying to get it out of me, but the bottom line is the same. So I prepare, yet again, to spill the latest in my love life. A love life that I actually have for once.

"Alright." I kick off my heels and sit down where she's directed.

She nods with a jerk, as if saying 'that's more like it'. I roll my eyes, but take the large glass of shiraz.

Alice curls up on her sofa, tucks her legs underneath her and waits in silence, as I recall every moan, gasp, and 'oh baby' for her.

I gulp down the last of my wine, enjoying the warm glow it's created inside me, and set it on the table.

"So when are you going to see him again?"

And again, I roll my eyes. What is up with all my friends needing to know exactly when my next date it?

"I don't know, he left me a message at work saying to call him, but I haven't yet."

"What?" Her eyes bugged as she over-enunciated the 'w' and 't'.

I shrugged.

"That's crazy, why would you do that?"

"Well, I haven't had a chance, I got the message at the end of the day, and by the time I got home, I was under the Alice Inquisition."

"Now! Call him right now!" She ordered running over to my bag and fishing out my cell phone.

"And you have to tell me everything you talk about!" She tosses it at me.

"As if I thought I'd have a choice." I mutter punching in Edward's name.

Here's the thing, I've decided that I'm big into self-denial. And the fact that I think it's pretty likely I'm going to fall in love with Edward only triggers this button of self-denial inside of me.

I tell myself that I'm not really all that into him, and truthfully, this is only just sex, granted, superb sex, but only that. So I'm reigning myself in, keeping what could be uncontrollable eagerness tethered back with chains of indifference, and logic. See, I'm cool, I'm fine, I don't need supersexy man of my dreams, nope, whatever happens, happens, and I'm completely okay with any and all outcomes. Because if I don't tell myself these things, I will have built up a store of expectations that will never be met.

Self-denial, it's a powerful thing really. That's how I got through a relationship with Jacob for so long. I kept telling myself it wasn't unhappiness that I was feeling all the time, I just wasn't being content with a perfectly good situation. Perfectly good, my ass.

So self-denial wasn't always the best course of action, I'll admit, but in this case, with Edward, it was the only one I could live with, and not come out the other side of this thing with my heart in serious shreds. It was self-preservation

I stood up and walked into my bedroom as my phone rang Edward's.

"Hey, I was wondering when you'd get my message" His deep voice went straight to my gut.

"Hi, sorry, I got caught up with something." That something being Alice.

"That's okay, I'm glad you called, do you think you can meet me here at the bar in, oh," his voice fades slightly when he must be turning to look at a clock. "an hour?"

"Well." It's my turn to glance at the clock, it's almost six now. He wants me to meet him on a Friday night, at seven, with only an hour's notice? Cocky son of a bitch, maybe I had plans.

"Yeah, sure."

Who are we kidding, like I'm going to say no, even if I did have something else going on.

"Great, don't eat dinner, there's a place I want to take you."

"Alright, should I wear jeans, a dress, what?"

"It doesn't matter, wear whatever you want."

Could he be anymore of a guy right now?

"Okay, I guess I'll see you in an hour."

"See you in an hour."

I hear his line click and I shut my phone. Well, it wasn't the most romantic phone conversation of my life, but he _was _at work, and maybe he didn't feel like he could be unprofessional, like, can you get here in an hour, I'm dying to be inside you again. Not the most work appropriate thing to say.

I head back out into the hallway and surprise, surprise, Alice is standing out there.

"So," she clasps her hands together. "Where are you going? What are you wearing?"

"I don't know, he said to wear whatever I want." I look at her like, 'you are so snoopy.'

"Buh! Men!" She scoffs, but lunges into her room, pulling me with her.

"Okay, we don't know where you're going, so we're going to have to dress you for all possiblities, which only means one thing. The LBD." She says firmly, she's like a general with her troops, only I'm the lonely soldier in her one troop.

"LBD?"

"Little Black Dress!" She scoffs at my ignorance. "The dress of all dresses, the most versitile garment in a girl's closet! Have I taught you nothing?"

"Oh brother," Can we say drama queen?

She gives me the stink eye, but doesn't say anything else about it.

"I think this one." She pulls out a rather plain looking sleeveless, crew neck black dress.

"Not what I expected from you, Brandon." I say studying the sedate garment.

"No, no it's perfect, the more I think about it, the more perfect it is." She tosses it at me. "Put it on."

I salute the general and start undressing.

"Whoa, whoa, what is that? What are you wearing?" She splutters.

"Huh?" I look down confused. I haven't even put the dress on yet.

"Is your underwear _cotton_?" Alice says 'cotton' the way most people say _'shit';_ with horrified emphasis.

"I was in a hurry this morning remember? Get over it." I start to throw the dress over my head, but it's whisked out of my hands.

"Friends do not let friends wear cotton underwear on hot dates." She tells me with utter seriousness saturating her voice.

"Really, it's not that big of a deal, they are bikini cut, it's not like I've got floral granny panties on, Alice."

"I cannot, and will not allow this, I love you too much." She dashes out of her room and into mine, returning in seconds with a mint green silk thong, and matching push-up bra. The tags are still on them because Alice bought them for me a month ago, and I still haven't worn them.

I tilt my head and make a face like, 'really?'

"Put them on, you'll thank me later."

I hesitate, but of course put them on like she says, one of these days, I _will _grow a backbone! I _will_, I tell myself.

"Now, put these on" She hands me a pair of sheer black thigh highs.

"Don't I need the garter belt?" I ask rolling them up.

"No, the tops have a rubber band around them so they stay up on their own.

Then she tosses a pair of black ankle boots.

"Now, hair, it'll have to go up since you didn't wash it this morning."

I sit on the edge of her bed and resign myself to whatever she decides. I know she won't stear me wrong, but sometimes, I'd like to dress myself.

"I do only have an hour to be ready and get there." I remind her. "Make that forty-five minutes."

"Don't worry, you'll get there in plenty of time." Alice pratically sings, with a mouth full of bobby pins. She somehow gathers my hair loosely back and pins it up at the nape of my neck.

"Okay, put these on," she drops a pair of silver dangle earrings in my hand, and shoves a chunky hammered metal ring on my left middle finger.

I may have to use that finger on her soon if she doesn't ease up.

"I'm just going to darken your eyes a bit and throw on a touch of blush..." she trails on as she's buffing the peach powder on my cheeks, and then hands me a tube of lipstick. "Put it on."

I think she's said 'put it on' to me three times in the last 30 minutes.

I sigh and open the tube, it's a nudey shimmer, and of course, it gorgeous. I swipe it on, and start to hand it back.

"Keep it with you for retouches." Alice drops a gray clutch at my side. "Here's a jacket for when it get's really cool tonight."

It's a double-breasted light wool jacket the same color as the clutch.

"How is it even possible for you to always have exactly the right thing to wear?" I ask standing up and walking over to the full length mirror.

Alice shrugs and giggles as I start at myself in the reflection. I don't know why I still get surprised when Alice pulls off another flawless look in no time, yet somehow I do. I look sophisticated and pretty without trying too hard. It's perfect.

"Alice, I love you, you annoy the hell out of me, but you are a genius and anyone that says you're not is a liar." I turn and give her hug.

"I am a genius it's true, and as much as I like hearing you admit it, you should probably start heading out the door."

"Oh crap!" I've got 18 minutes to get there.

"Thanks again!" I yell sailing out the door and down our stairs to the front of the building.

"Whoa!" I almost plow over Jasper on my way out.

"Hey Jazz, sorry, can't talk, I've got a date. See you later!" I blow him a kiss and keep on going.

"Wha-?"

"Alice is upstairs! Bye!"

I walk quickly down the blocks and then am relieved, as I see Winston's up ahead, that I have a few minutes to stop and catch my breath. Wow, they are really hopping tonight. It looks packed.

I open the front door to a wall of bodies. I slither my way through the crowd that is sitting, standing, leaning, and all listening to a suprisingly good indie band. I finally reach the bar, and see Edward, and Jax, his regular bartender, competantly filling drink orders.

I hang back and allow him to work while listening to a gritty guitar solo. Where does Edward find these musicians, they're all eclectic and all really good.

"Hey!" I feel someone wrap their hand around my wrist and pull me.

"Whoa!" I almost lose my footing, but gain my balance as Edward leads me to the corner of the bar where it's slightly less packed, and I do mean only slightly.

"Sorry, have you been waiting long?" He says into my ear over the music.

"No, not at all, you guys are busy tonight!" I lean into his ear and try not to focus on that wonderful smell of his.

He rolls his eyes mockingly, "I know! We were expecting a crowd, but not this."

"Do you need to push our date back a bit?" I try to be supportive, but hope he says no.

"Would you be really mad if I did?" His hand is caressing my waist, and at that moment, I doubt I could be mad at him for anything.

"No of course not, can I help you with anything?"

"No just relax, I'll bring you a drink and try to hurry." he hugs me and starts to lead me back to the bar.

"I really don't need a drink, just go ahead and help Jax, I'll be fine." I tell him finding a tiny space between a boho chic redhead and a very large blond man.

Edward sends me another apologetic smile, but starts getting customers orders again.

After 20 minutes, I notice that not only is the place not slowing down, it's getting busier. People are coming and going, but it seems more are piling in than streaming out of the place. I look over at Edward who is steadily building a guinness next to Jax, and decide that it's silly for me to sit here on my thumbs when I could be helping. I don't know how to make every mixed drink, but I can draw a beer or do a simple vodka and cran.

I make my way behind the bar and toss my purse and jacket back out of the way in a safe place.

"What are you doing?" Edward asks more surprised than annoyed.

"Helping. You need it." I tell him. "What can I get you?" I ask the annoyed looking brunette in front of me.

Edward laughs a little but just keeps an eye on me, as I begin getting three harps, and a whiskey sour. Thank you Gran for teaching me how to make them when I was nineteen.

Once I've finished and started a tab for her, Jax showed me how, I turn a look at Edward, who only shakes his head in, I'm hoping amusement, and goes back to helping other customers.

Three hours later, my feet are killing me, I smell like a distillery, I barely avoided a major drink catastrophe (thank you very much drunk frat guy), and I made ninety dollars in tips.

"You, sit." Edward stears me towards a stool to his right, after I hand one last crown and coke to a portly guy puffing on a cigar.

I willingly, and gratefully plop down on the stool.

"How do you do this every night?" I ask dying to kick off my boots, but know I'll never get them back on if I do.

"It's not like this every night." He grins at me as he wipes the counter. "Sorry about our dinner, you must be starving."

My stomach growls on cue, but I don't think he can hear it. I wave away his apology. "Don't worry about it. I can scrounge up something at home, after I soak my feet for a the next ten straight hours."

I smile reassuringly, and stand up to get my jacket.

"What makes you think you're going home?" He steps in front of me blocking my path.

"Because..." Why wouldn't I be going home, it's late, we're both beat, and a date is out of the question now. Isn't it?

He shakes his head at me a small smile playing on his sexy lips.

"I owe you dinner, and apparently, a foot rub." He says it in his low, velvety bedroom voice, and my knees go a little weak.

"Okay." I say dully.

"Come on." He puts my jacket on my shoulders and hands me my clutch. "We'll order something in."

"Okay," I stupidly say again, but then stop suddenly, "Oh, wait, here." I pull the wad of tips out of my dress pocket and hand them to him.

"What's this?"

"Tips, from tonight. I don't really work here, so I didn't think I should keep them."

"They're your's, you earned them." He tucks them back in my pocket. "More than earned them."

He leans in for a long soft kiss. Uhhhhh, whatever you say, just don't stop.

He pulls away, but I yank him back in for another blistering kiss. I can feel him smile a little against my mouth, but it quickly fades and I feel the rumble of a groan in his chest.

"Come on, Moneybags" He smiles as he leads me out the back door to his car, much like he did last night. "Let's get you some food."

"You really don't have to go to all this trouble." I say standing in the doorway of his bathroom. It's a somewhat small affair that is almost completely taken up by a hug tub.

"I know I don't have to and it's no trouble." He tells me leaning over the porcelain bath and starting the water. "How do you like your water temperature?"

"The hotter the better."

He grins widely up at me after flicking the knob further left. And then I understand, he thinks I'm being coy. Ha! If only I had a coy bone in my body. I meant it innocently, but sure, if he wants to think that was for his benefit, he can go right ahead and think it.

"Go ahead and get in, and I'll go order some dinner, chinese okay with you?" He walks over and stands in front of me sliding his hands up and down my arms.

"Sure, whatever you want." Because I can't even think of food when you touch me.

He leans in for a quick kiss and then leaves to call the delivery place.

I walk over to the oval mirror that is hung above the black stand alone sink, and laugh a little to myself. So much for getting all dressed up for a hot date. I take out my earrings and drop them in the little soap dish on the sink ledge, as well as the chunky ring. I've discarded everything else except my dress which I'm peeling over my body when Edward knocks on the door, and walks in.

"I hope you like egg rolls because I ordered a doz-" he stops short as I stand there in front of him in nothing but my mint green bra and thong with my dress clutched in one hand.

I'm not sure how long we stand there but it seems to go on forever, and every second that passes, his eyes grow darker with intensity.

I am now officially thanking you for the 'great underwear switcheroo', Alice, I think, feeling myself flush under his gaze.

"I love egg rolls." I say stupidly, needing to fill the charged silence.

"Mmm" Is his reply.

"Edward?" I finally take a step towards him, dropping dress. "Are you okay?"

He shakes his head slightly, and pulls me into him. It's a little hard to miss his arousal against my belly, which excites me to no end.

His hands glide down my hips and over my ass, which is pretty much bare, and he groans squeezing the flesh there gently, and burying his face in my neck.

"Gimme a second." His voice is muffled against me.

"Okay" I rub his back, trying to soothe.

He takes a deep breath and then draws himself up.

"Can I join you?"

"Of course." I reply still confused as to why he's being so serious.

He begins undressing and when I think he's busy and not looking I hurriedly take off my last remaining garments and get in the hot water. My body immediately relaxes.

"Ohhhh" I can't help moaning a little, my eyes fluttering closed.

I feel the water stir and Edward gets in with me, but sits on the opposite side of the thankfully, huge tub. We have plenty of room to both be in there. His eyes never leave my face as he picks up one of my feet and begins rubbing orgasmic circles over my arch.

I sigh and sink back further into the water so that it reaches just above my breasts.

"Why did you hurry and get in the tub?" He asks, moving his fingers to work the tension out of my toes.

"What do you mean?" I play dumb, and focus on the sensations he's creating on my foot.

"When I was getting undressed, you practically whipped off your underwear and jumped in the tub, not that I don't give you points for taking off your clothes fast, but why? I've seen you naked before, a couple times in fact." He set down my foot and grabbed the other starting over his ministrations.

I shrug noncommittaly.

"I just don't feel comfortable being naked in front of other people."

He tilts his head, "Why? You have a beautiful body."

"Thanks." I don't want to talk about this. It's embarrassing.

He waits a beat. "So why aren't you comfortable?"

"I'm just not, I've only-" I stop short, I was about to tell him that I've only been with two men, and one of them is rubbing my feet right now. I don't need him to know how intensly pathetic I am.

"Only what?" He prompts, now messsaging my calves.

"Nothing, it's...nothing."

"Tell me, Bella." His long fingers are making me crazy, no longer relaxing my muscles, but causing them to tighten in sexual anticipation.

I shake my head, as my breathing picks up.

"We have ways of making you talk." He smiles wickedly moving up my body, sliding skin against skin.

"I won't be bullied." I tell him tilting my chin up defiantly, or at least, I'm trying to look defiant.

"Who said anything about being bullied." He whispers softly in my ear, and trailing his fingers lightly over my breast. I can't help the hitch in my breath.

"Tell me, Bella," he repeats sucking lightly on my neck, sending chills through my body. "You've only...?"

I bring my hands up to run through his hair, and feel utterly lost in his seduction.

"Been with two guys." I whisper arching against him. I'm so easy, I should never be told government secrets, Edward would have them out of me in five minutes.

"So you're just shy, that's nothing to be ashamed of, just like this body, which I'm going to make come a hundred different ways tonight, is nothing to be ashamed of."

I moan, because that's the only noise I'm capable of making at this point.

The water in the tub is starting to get cool, but we seem to be heating it right back up again, as Edward keeps whispering why he loves my body, how he loves the feel of my breasts, how they taste like heaven, and he loves how soft my stomach is as he kisses it on his way down to my pussy, and again I moan when he says pussy.

Who knew talking dirty did it for me?

And how sweet I taste down there, how it's like he'd been waiting for that flavor his whole life.

The entire time his words are washing over me, he's kissing my below my ear, my neck and collarbone, and running his hands all over my body. I'm practically squirming underneath him, desperate for some friction.

He bites lightly on my shoulder, and I am one second from begging when the doorbell buzzes loudly.

"That must be dinner." He kisses me firmly on the mouth and climbs out of the tub, wrapping a black towel around his waist, and heads out of the bathroom. I sit up slightly stunned. How did we go from super erotic moment, to him leaving to pay the Chinese delivery guy? I drop my head back in defeat.

I get up and grab the navy blue robe that is hanging on the back the bathroom door and shrug it on without asking him if I can borrow it. I'm cold, he can share, I grumble to myself, totally annoyed with him for stopping.

I walk out into the living room kitchen area and he's unpacking the paper bags. Somewhere between the bathroom and front door, he'd pulled on a pair of gray sweat pants. He takes two plates out of the cupboard behind him and dishes up lo mein, orange chicken, steamed vegetables, and egg rolls.

I really want to be snotty and let him know I am none too pleased with his disappearing act, but I catch a whiff of food, and my mouth waters as my stomach rumbles, so I decide to be mad later.

I grab a pair of chopsticks that are next to the cartons and dig in without a word. It's so delicious, I feel like I could eat the whole order by myself.

"Hungry?" Edward teases while chewing on a florette of broccoli.

"No." I gulp down a swig of beer that he's sat in front me. "Starving. I'm going to eat until you have to literally carry me away from the kitchen."

"I can do that, I have plans for you tonight." He says silkily. "That involve a little manhandling."

My brain glitches for a minute, and then I remember I'm annoyed with him, and since I've already plowed through half my plate, I feel re-energized enough to act on it.

"I've got plans for me too, eat like a champ and fall into bed," I look at him trying to look suggestive before finishing the sentence. "and sleep until at least 10:00 tomorrow morning."

His smirk never leaves his face, even as I not so subtly tell him no sex for you tonight buddy. He must not be buying it because, hell, I'm not even buying it, and I said it.

"Those are some good plans, and believe me, by the time I'm done with you, you'll need to sleep in tomorrow."

Gulp.

"Pretty sure of yourself."

"Oh yeah." He sets his almost finished plate on the counter and starts towards me.

"Well we'll see how I feel later." I try for prim now, as I sit up straighter and take a small bite of carrot.

"I like how you feel right now." He tugs on the belt of my robe.

"Hey!" I say indignantly, as he takes my plate and sets it aside too.

"You can struggle a little if you want, in fact, I kind of like having to work for it." His voice is low with a shade of danger to it.

"Edward," I start, hoping that I can keep my wits for at least three minutes. "I'm trying to eat my dinner."

"Don't worry, it'll be here when we're done," he tugs on my earlobe with his teeth. "well done the first time."

"Uhhh." Is my intelligent reply.

"How is it that I still want you so fucking bad?" he yanks me off the stool, and I grab onto him so that I don't trip over my own feet on the way down.

"Edwa-" But he cuts me off with a soul-sucking kiss. He licks every millimeter of my mouth, and I feel drugged by the taste of him.

He quickly yanks the robe off my shoulders and fills his hands with my breasts, and I groan into his mouth.

My fingers quickly slip down his sweat pants and find him hot and heavy, and hard as rock. He hisses when I close my hand around him, and quickly pulls my wrist out and away.

"Wha?" I say confused, but dazed by the thick passion that is suffocating me. He yanks his pants down his legs and off.

"I touch you." He says gruffly, hefting me up onto the edge of his little kitchen table. I should be concerned that it's going to break underneath me, but the wayward thought completely disappears when he licks his way between my legs.

"Oh gahhh." I babble out incoherantly.

"You're so wet already," he groans against me, and then starts sucking firmly on my clit.

I am so ready to combust, but he stops right before I explode, and crawls up to kiss me again. I fist his hair and moan long and low, I feel delirious like I can't get enough of him, like I could _never _get enough.

He slams into me so that his little table moves back with us, and his rhythm is so relentless that I have to lean back on my forearms to get leverage.

"Ugh!' I groan tossing my head back, and I don't even feel like me anymore, I feel like I'm looking down on this unbelievably erotic scene in front me. "Harder, Edward!"

"You want it harder, baby?" His eyes are heavy with lust, but his mouth is quirked with smugness.

"Yes!" I grip the edge of the table and hook my legs around his waist.

He holds me by my hips and thrusts even harder hitting some unknown but completely glorious spot inside of me.

"No one touches you like this but me." He says roughly between clamped teeth. I can see a sheen of sweat break out all over his body, as I know mine is slick with it too.

"No one," I echo as I feel my orgasm building.

"This is mine." He rubs my clit lightly so that I want to die, it's just enough to drive me crazy, but not quite enough pressure to send me over the edge.

"Say it!" He demands as I groan in response.

"Yours!" I choke out, arching my back.

And he pinches my clit, and I detonate.

"Edward!" I think I'm screaming, but really, I've lost all senses except the feeling that is ricocheting through my core.

"Ugh!" He explodes, and after what seems like forever, he collapses on top of me.

"Wow." I breathe, completely unsure if I'll ever move again.

He leans up on his forearms and studies my face. His hair is sticking out in every which way, making him look undeniably adorable, and one corner of his mouth turns up.

"So do you still wish you'd gotten to finish your plate?" He leans down and plants a kiss on my sternum, and it's so sweet, I almost forget to answer, but I somehow regain my wits.

"Well, actually," I reply in a serious tone. "I'm still pretty hungry, and it _was _quite rude of you to disrupt me, I kind of think you owe me, don't you?"

His eyes dart to mine incredulously, but something in my face must have given me away because his laughter is lightening quick and so infectious, I start to laugh too.

"In that case, let me make it up to you." He lifts me up in a fireman's carry and carts me upstairs.

"What about my egg rolls?" I say laughing so hard I'm almost unintelligible.

"I'll give you an egg roll!" He yells.

"But I wanted a vegetarian egg roll!" I can't stand it, tears are rolling down my cheeks

"Bella!" He tries to sound scandalized, but we both fall onto his bed howling our heads off.

Okay, who needs food when you've got a gorgeous, naked Edward to laugh with?

**What did you think?**


	7. Chapter 7

A/N Many apologies first and foremost, I know this chapter has taken WAY too long to come out, however, I do have an excuse, I promise, it _is_a real one. I have been super sick for about a month, no joke, a MONTH! And not just a little cold that I can't shake, we're talking all inclusive nausea, vomiting, congestion, migraines, and other symptoms that I won't even bother you with. Suffice it to say, it wasn't pretty, and neither was I for about 6 weeks. So I'm finally starting to feel like myself again, therefore back to the keyboard for me. Thank you for your patience and for those of you who are still with me! Love you!

**Chapter 7**

**You can go your own way; go your own way**

**You can call it another lonely day**

I was dreaming; and it was a wonderful dream full of texture and sensation. In this fantastic dream I felt a warm, smooth hand slide down my body, mindlessly making me arch and practically mewl against it. It swept over me, through my hair, over my cheek, down my breast, I moaned as the thumb belonging to that perfect hand rolled over my nipple before continuing it's journey past my stomach, over my hip before finally, _finally_, stopping at the place I wanted it most.

Fingers stroked between my legs and again I stretched against them. Yes, this was one of _the _best dreams of my life.

"Bella." A deep voice spoke softly into my ear.

Two fingers dipped inside and I thoughtlessly ground against them.

"Mmmm."

"Bella." Again that sensual voice, only a bit raspier this time. "I'm going to take you in about five seconds, whether you're awake or not."

The words didn't really make sense to me, but whatever the voice, that belonged to that hand wanted to do was fine with me.

"Uhhhh."

The world shifted around me as I vaguely heard sheets russling and warmth covering me. The hand left me, but before I could make a sound, I was thrust into blinding pleasure and light. My eyes opened and the most beautiful face was hovering over mine.

"Edward." I moaned.

"There you are." he whispered against my mouth as he kissed me and filled me with the most sinfully slow strokes.

I brought my knees up to better cradle his hips and bring him deeper inside of me. Miraculously I could feel my orgasm already building. I urged him to go faster, but he just smiled and kept his pace.

"Patience." he murmured, tipping my face up so he could kiss my eyelids, my temples, my cheekbones. "Just let me feel you, baby."

I rode over that first wave with a peaceful pleasure I had never felt before. It was no less intense than the other times we'd been together, but with a calm, a connection that was unreal.

"You're so beautiful." He whispered, rubbing his lips over my jaw, and then I felt his body tighten as he gave into this release. We laid quietly in the darkness of Edward's room, in his bed, legs tangled together, as our hearts slowed down to normal pace.

It felt like floating on a serene sea with only Edward as my life raft.

"That was amazing." I breathed.

"You're amazing," he kissed my shoulder. "Who are you?"

I laughed, slightly confused by what he meant. But then he was rolling off me, no, he was rolling us both over so that I was now sprawled across his chest. He pulled the sheet up over us and stroked my back.

"Do you think you can go back to sleep?" he asked, his words slow and tired.

"Mmmhmm." His soothing hands lulled me back into a doze. "Goodnight, Edward."

"Goodnight, love." I thought I heard his say, but I was already back into that sweet world of unconsciousness.

A soft noise woke me as the sun was starting to spread pink fingers through the morning sky. Instantly aware of where I was, I turned my head slowly to see Edward lying on his stomach snoring lightly. He had one arm thrown over my waist, and one leg hooked around mine. Desperately trying not to giggle at his adorableness, I gently detached myself from him and eased off the bed. He murmured and shifted around, but settled back into sleep.

I tiptoed over to his white button-down shirt that was lying across the back of the red armchair in the corner and slipped it on. It was barely six a.m. but my stomach grumbled hungrily. I padded downstairs and towards the kitchen. I needed breakfast, and caffeine now. I dug around the refrigerator and cupboards in hopes of some ingredients for a farm breakfast, and as luck would have it, there was ham, but no bacon, eggs, but no potatoes, and an expired half jug of milk, but a fresh carton of buttermilk. Obviously, he had no rhyme or reason to his grocery shopping.

Thankfully, Edward did have flour, sugar, and cinnamon, so I threw together the most basic of coffeecakes, and while that was baking, and the coffee was brewing, I started frying up the ham. Lost in my culinary world, I almost screamed when I felt a pair of hands circle my waist.

"Whoa, it's just me baby." Edward dropped a kiss on my bare shoulder, where his shirt had slipped off one side.

I laughed sheepishly. "Sorry, in my own world."

"It smells amazing, but you didn't have to cook breakfast, we could have gone out and picked something up." He grabbed a mug from the hook above the sink poured a cup of coffee.

I glanced at the clock it was almost 6:45 now.

"That's okay, you were sleeping and I was hungry, so I figured I'd just whip something up." I smiled, flipping the ham over. "Do you want scrambled or fried eggs?"

He studied me for a moment, with an odd expression on his face. Maybe I overstepped my bounds by puttering around his kitchen.

"Should I have not started breakfast?" I asked uncertainly.

His expression changed to one of confusion.

"Why do you think that?"

"I guess I didn't ask if you wanted me in here, so it was kind of presumptuous to start making myself at home." I could feel my face start to turn red and cursed my inability to hide any feelings of embarrassment from physically manifesting.

Edward set his coffee down, and came to cup my face in his hands. "It was incredibly nice of you to start breakfast, and I appreciate that you let me sleep." He kissed the tip of my nose.

"Although, I would have liked waking up to you warm beside me just as much, if not more." He started to lean down for a kiss when the oven buzzer went off.

"What's that?" He asked straightening up.

"Well you see, this is an oven, and you can cook things inside, and when they are done cooking, a new-fangled feature dings so that you know to take it out." I smirked as he tipped his head in amusement.

"Not what I meant, smartass." He swatted my bottom, which was bare underneath the shirt, so the smack was fairly loud. I shrieked from the surprise as well as the slight sting.

"Oh, hello." He murmured against my ear, as he began to knead my stinging flesh.

"Edward." I moaned, as he began inching the hem of my shirt up.

"Mmmm." He sucked the lobe of my ear.

It took all my concentration not to lose myself to this man yet again.

"I have to pull the coffeecake out of the oven."

"Let it burn, I want you for breakfast." He almost had the shirt to my breasts, when I finally took a step back.

"You're dangerous." I laughed unsteadily, pulling the shirt back down to my thighs.

He grinned, and picked up his coffee to take a sip. "Not as much as I'd like to be, baby, but we'll play it your way and save that for after we eat."

I shook my head and again that shaky laugh escaped, as I took the ham off the skillet and pulled the cake from the oven. Since I never got an answer, I just fried the eggs because that was the quickest and easiest thing to do.

"Where did you learn to cook?"

I glanced back to see Edward sitting comfortably on the opposite counter, watching me work.

"Um, I don't know, I guess I just wanted to do it, so I kept trying to make things, and eventually, they became edible." I said honestly.

"No one taught you?" He seemed surprised.

"No, my mom is frightening in the kitchen, she likes to make strange concoctions that she swears will be the next big dish, but are always awful, and my dad burns water, so I also had to learn from necessity."

"What did your mom try to make?" He asked like he was truly interested.

"Ha, well, there are countless incidences, let's see;" I tried to think as I began plating the food. "there was the salmon with chocolate sauce night, and tofu stew with jellybean garnish, and of course, my personal favorite, barbequed rabbit with Peeps melted over the tops. That was for Easter of course."

Edward laughed out loud, "You're kidding! The yellow and pink marshmallow chicks? Over rabbit? That's...that's disgusting."

I laughed too, as I handed him his plate and took mine around to sit at the counter on a stool.

"Yes, it absolutely is, but my stepdad, Phil, totally ate it. Now that, is love." I cut a piece of ham and dipped it into the runny yoke of my egg.

"Eternal love." He settled onto the stood next to me, and took a bite of the cake. "This is really good."

"You sound surprised." I smiled smugly.

"Well, I guess I shouldn't be, you seem to be able to do just about everything. And," He continued before I could comment, "now I'm especially glad knowing that it could have been a bacon cake with cinnamon filling."

I shook my head, "That doesn't work, it's almost impossible to find a way to ruin bacon, I bet your bacon cake would be amazing."

Edward laughed and took another drink of coffee.

"Who are you?" He said quietly. It reminded me of last night when he'd whispered it in the dark. It confused me now, just as it had confused me then.

"Just Bella." I said trying to give the simplest answer.

He shook his head, giving me a strange smile, almost a sad one.

"You go shower if you want, and I'll clean the kitchen. It's only fair since you cooked." He got up and started stacking dishes.

"No I don't mind helping." I said starting to follow him.

"Ah!" He put a hand up to stop me. "Cullen House Rules, He or She who makes the meal, does not clean up after. Sorry, it's the law."

"Well, I don't want to do anything illegal." I grin, sliding my hands up his bare chest and around his neck.

"Ma'am I'm going to have to ask you to refrain from frisking the law enforcement agent, or I will have to take measures."

"Drastic measures?" I ask innocently. Is this really me? Flirting? With the most gorgeous man on the planet?

"Is there any other kind?" He says seriously.

"I'm sorry, officer, I just can't seem to help myself." I drop my hands to his waist and start to dip them under the elastic of his sweat pants.

"Then you'll have to face the consequences." He tries to sound serious, but his breathing has picked up and it comes out in a whoosh.

"Better bring out the handcuffs." I say solemnly. "I just can't be trusted."

Edward laughs loudly before hauling me up to the counter. "Remind me to buy a pair."

"Okay," I reply breathlessly, but the end of the word draws out into a moan as his hands begin their wonderful torture.

"Have you learned your lesson, Miss Swan?" He says softly against my thigh.

"What lesson?" I say mindlessly.

He laughs before continuing his journey.

Sometime around three o'clock that afternoon, Edward dropped me off at home. We ended up making love, no I remind myself fiercely, had sex, don't overly-romanticize it. We ended up having sex twice more and then fell into an exhausted sleep tangled together on his big L shaped couch.

I know I look disheveled as I walk in the door, but Alice ignores commenting on it as she bounds out of her room like a rubber ball as soon as I latch the door behind me.

"Story time!" She sings jumping onto the couch and landing impressively indian-style.

"You know," I say smiling, because I can't be upset about anything right now, not when I can still practically feel Edward's mouth on mine. "I don't ask for every detail of yours and Jasper's love life. I allow you to keep some things to yourself."

"I tell you anyway."

"The point is that I don't make you tell me." I point out.

"Well that's you, this is me. Spill it, you big slut. I'm already jealous of all the nasty that you've been doing." She grins and pats the seat beside her.

I sigh, but don't really mind recounting my night and morning because it was so wonderful. I start with how I helped at the bar and finish with us taking a quick and mildly innocent shower together before he dropped me off on his way to work.

"He is nothing like Jacob." Is Alice's first comment.

"I should hope not." I say grabbing the phone and dialing for pizza, I'm starving again. I've had a lot of activity lately. "Do you want half of a pizza?"

"Of course, get mushrooms and green peppers on mine." She says getting up for wine glasses.

I order the pizza and then take the glass of red wine Alice hands me.

"Why would you automatically think of Jacob? He's in my past."

"Yes, he is, but he was a big, well blip shall we say, in your past, and that situation certainly affected you and changed some things about you. So maybe I should point out that yes, he is nothing like Jacob, but more importantly, you are nothing like you were when you were with Jacob. Hallelujah. For instance, how you met Edward, you never would have thought to go to a sex party before Jacob, but he finally pissed you off enough that you went, had sex with some random guy, which still kind of blows my mind by the way, but then met a friend of Rosalie's and Emmett's, who turned out to be Mr. Amazing. You take chances that I've never seen you take before."

I sip my wine and listen. I still haven't mentioned that Mr. Amazing is the same random guy I had sex with.

"Okay, that was one incident." I respond.

"Yes, but now that you've met Edward, you're in; like _all _in, and remember how long it took you to get busy with Jacob? Which was and is perfectly fine," she quickly adds, "but with Edward, you seem comfortable to be intimate pretty quickly. _Then _also unlike with Jacob, you aren't completely unhappy and dissatisfied afterwards. In fact, you're a little glow-y, my friend." She smiles smugly.

"That's what the best sex of my life will do." I grin foolishly as we hear the doorbell go off.

"Pizza! I'm so hungry!" Alice yells lunging for her wallet.

"My treat, Brandon, remember, I've got tips from last night." I say waving the bills like a fan. "I'm a regular bar maid."

After I pay the delivery guy, we dig into the fragrant, cheesy pizza with vigor.

"So when are we all going to get together for a dinner date, a party, a drink? Anything, I'm willing to be flexible here, but I want to look over this guy."

"I don't know, soon maybe, we'll see if we can come up with something fun, maybe Rose and Em will want to join us too." I say biting into my third slice of pepperoni and black olive.

"Okay."

Alice is slightly less excited.

"I really like Rose, I don't get why you don't, you like everyone." I say pointedly.

"It's not that, I do like her, what I know of her at least, it's just kind of weird, we've always been just the two of us, I mean I know you're friends with Esme at work, but she's a little older, and you guys don't get together all that much. Geez, I feel like a jealous boyfriend, and like, you're going out and seeing other people, but I still feel like we are exclusive." Alice laughed sheepishly.

"Alice, I love you, I'll always love you and no one could possibly take you're place." I tell her seriously. "You are one of a kind."

She shrugs and her smile brightens a bit. "Thanks."

"Besides," I wipe my fingers on my napkin. "We'll see other people together so it's not like cheating."

"Oh, it's like a threesome, I can live with that."

"Not what I meant, you're so dirty, people have no idea."

"Hey!" Jasper opens the front door and walks in with a six pack of beer. "Do I smell pizza?"

"Help yourself," I smile, getting up to head to my bedroom. "I'm going to give Rose a call about getting together."

"Okay. Hi babe!"

Alice greets Jazz before I hear him ask in a low voice. "Is that the same dress she was wearing last night?"

I roll my eyes and let Alice handle that one.

Rose freaks out at the idea of having a dinner party, and demands that I let her take care of it. I'm certainly glad that I don't have to throw it myself, but feel a little guilty that I've shoved all responsibility and hassle onto her, however, she quickly dismisses my misgivings and assures me that she's thrilled to do it.

She decides that we'll have it a week from this Wednesday and all I need to bring is Edward. On a whim, I ask if I can bring Esme too, which of course, sends her into another gale of excitement.

Of course I should invite Esme, she tells me, that's a fabulous idea and oh wait, she's going to invite Edward's father, Carlisle, who is single and a doctor. He's about ten years older than Esme, but he's extremely handsome.

"How old was Carlisle when he had Edward?" I ask trying to do the math in my head. If Carlisle is around 44, and Edward is 28, there is a slight problem with this timeline.

"Actually, Carlisle adopted Edward, it's kind of a personal story that I'll let Edward tell you himself, but oh, this is so perfect, why didn't I think of putting Esme with Carlisle before? I need to go plan right now, I'll call you later!"

Rose hangs up before I can reply so I shake my head and press the End Call button on my phone. She and Alice are more alike than I'd realized. Geez, what am I going to do with two of them? I try not to think of the possibilities what they would be like together at full strength.

So on Monday morning, as I pass Esme's office on the way to mine, I peek my head in and point at her as she's going through her memos.

"Lunch, today, I'll meet you down here for a sit-rep." I keep my face serious.

"A what?" Her expression is pure confusion.

"Situation Report."

"Since when did we start communicating in military speak?" She asks with a half-smile.

"Since we've been commissioned for duty by one Rosalie McCarty."

"Ah." Esme laughs. "Roger that."

The morning is pretty hectic, and I'm buried under a mountain of paperwork from over the weekend, so by the time I get downstairs for lunch, I've only got about ten minutes left before I need to go back up again.

"Where've you been?" Esme asks throwing her turkey sandwich remains in her trash can.

"Crazy day, no time to discuss, I've got to plow through my leftover pizza, no comments on how non-nutritious this is please, and inform you that we are going to a dinner party, all in the next nine minutes."

So between bites, I tell her about Rose's diabolical plan to look over Edward's and my chemistry, her words not mine, and to set up Esme with Carlisle, the quite young, and handsome father of Edward.

"Hmmm, interesting. I've heard he's pretty dishy." Esme gets a wicked gleam in her eye.

I'm almost astonished that she's so absolutely fine with being set up on a blind date without her consent, but then I remember it's Esme, and she's a free spirit who happily goes with the flow.

"You're going to scare him to death" I take a gulp of her diet cola and toss the plastic bag that had my pizza in it away.

"I don't think so." She replies. "I've heard he's just as free with his sexuality as his son."

"Free?" I say almost stupidly.

"As in, you met Edward at a swinger's party, my dear. That's pretty free and open-minded. In fact, I wonder if the good doctor, was at the party this last Sunday, I've heard that Edward was there."

It takes every single drop of self-control that I have not to react. Edward went to a sex party? After we'd just made love, and dammit, we _made love_, it was sweet and passionate and perfect, on Saturday? I think I've stopped breathing.

"Where was the party at?" I ask, sounding surprisingly calm. I don't think it would have been and Rose and Emmett's, she would have mentioned it right?

"Oh some woman named Tanya, I believe." Esme waves her hand, her mind on other things, but then takes a closer look at my face.

"Are you okay honey?"

"Does Edward go to these parties a lot?" I evade the question.

"Off and on I believe, didn't you go with him?" She replies slowly.

I shake my head.

"And you didn't know that he'd gone either." Esme deduces.

Again I shake my head.

"Oh, Bella, I'm sorry, I didn't realize, oh I'm so insensitive." She clutches my hand. "You know people don't always have sex when they go."

I look at her skeptically. It's a sex party for goodness sake, why else would they go, for the sparkling conversation?

"Seriously Bella, the community of people here is fairly small, sometimes we just go to socialize, and it has nothing to do with sex." She looks at me with earnest and I know she feels awful for me.

"I'm sure you're right, I'll just need to talk to Edward about it; we probably just got our wires crossed and misunderstood each other." I tell her getting up and heading for the door.

I want to leave before she sees how truly upset I am about this. "I'd better head back upstairs."

"Bella-"

But I'm already at the elevators and thank goodness, one is opening so I step onto the car and punch my floor number.

Edward and I didn't get any wires crossed and there was no misunderstanding. I left his car on Saturday and he told me that he was going to work late that night and probably be busy doing inventory and paperwork for the bar on Sunday, but he'd call me within a few days. I kissed him goodbye without a second thought. Why wouldn't I? He'd given me no reason to mistrust him.

Now I was back to where I'd started with Jacob, feeling awful and wondering if I was always going to be the butt of some big cosmic joke for men.

Did I have a 'use me' sign on my head? I mean, okay, Edward and I were new, and we'd still hadn't had _the talk_, the one that defines the perimeters of the relationship, and maybe _that_ was the problem, we weren't having a relationship. Maybe I had mistaken what I thought to be the start of something that was actually just a passing fling for Edward.

Geez, I'm so stupid! Why wasn't I more careful with my emotions? I'd given myself the pep talk, keep it simple, keep it light, but every damn time I was with the man, he was incredibly sexy, and incredibly sweet, and I couldn't seem to stop myself from totally forgetting all my rules and falling head first more in love with him.

And that was the crux of the matter, right there; I'd fallen in love with him. Stupid didn't begin to describe it. I was going to have to figure out a way to pull myself back together, and I was going to have to do it now, before he realized what a total loser I was. Who falls for someone in a week?

Dammit! I wanted to punch the wall in disgust.

I exited the elevator when the doors opened and dropped down onto my desk chair.

"Oh good, Bella," Angela came out of her office in a hurry, "I'm sorry, I know you're swamped today, but I just got this new manuscript and I need twenty copies, calibrated, stapled, and mailed to these addresses before the end of the day, and then I still need the rest of the files that I gave you this morning organized and copied before you go home, you'll probably have to stay late tonight, I'm really sorry to dump on you, but I've got to run downtown for a meeting Michael Newton, the author of _Shockwave_. Thank you!"

Angela breezed out the door with her coat slung over her briefcase and me with the biggest manuscript I'd ever seen in my life staring at me.

Yeah, well I'd pull myself together later I guess.

**Oooo, what the hell, Edward?:)**

**Please review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N- Alright loves, hopefully this chapter will be a little bit better than the last, Chapter 7 was necessary, but maybe not as much fun as some of the others. I hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer- SM owns Twilight, I own a pretty sweet little convertable.**

**Chapter 8**

**Thunder only happens when it's raining,**

**Players only love you when their playing.**

I worked steadily until late that evening. I didn't want to go home and put on a happy face for Alice, nor did I want her to take one look at my fake happy face and know something was wrong. I texted her that I was working late and that I'd be home before nine. Thankfully, she texted me right back to tell me she was spending the evening at Jasper's and most likely the night as well.

By 8:30 I shut off the remaining lights in the building and began my walk home. It was almost completely dark, but the moon was bright enough that I could clearly see around me when I walked between sidewalk lamps. The air was warm and balmy, it was a beautiful night, the kind of night you'd want to spend with a lover, doing romantic things like having a moonlight dinner outside, or taking a stroll through a park, or maybe even making love on the back porch swing. Instead I was using the evening to walk home and think about what I was going to do about my said lover.

Quite frankly, the more I replayed our time together and then tried to piece it with the information Esme gave me today, it just didn't make sense.

I haven't been involved in many relationships with men, or romantic affairs for that matter, but the way Edward treated me, talked to me, looked at me, _touched _me, just did not match up to him being with other women.

Was I _that _naive to think the time we spent together meant something more than mutual orgasms? At the very, _very _least I would have expected a friendship between us, a start of something that was respectful of not only our emotions, but geez, the undeniable chemistry that exploded everytime we came together. I was thoroughly stumped, and yes, dammit, I was hurt!

I wasn't expecting a marriage proposal anytime soon, but I guess I was kind of expecting a normal sort of progression of our...our...whatever it was that we were sharing. I imagined we would follow the normal timeline; eventually we would discuss titles, boyfriend/girlfriend and such, then we would meet each other's families, and then I don't know, just move _forward_!

Shit! I was so ahead of myself, and I knew it! Why was I already thinking about meeting his family? I just couldn't believe that he wasn't feeling for me what I was feeling for him. That he didn't think that it was even a little special.

I sigh, as I pass another block_. Wasn't _this something special, or was it always like this for him with other women?

The truly sad part, on top of this entire pile of suck, is that I still wasn't sure I wanted to stop seeing him! How pathetic was I? Obviously, this guy is using me for sex, and instead of calling him up and saying screw you, I'm thinking about the next time we can be together. Unbelievable!

The wind starts to blow harder and I can feel the first drops of an incoming rain by the time I walk up our front stoop. It's also at that moment that the answer to everything just sort of floats into my mind, and it's so blindingly obvious, I don't know why I hadn't thought of it immediately.

I use him for sex, and only sex too. Do to him exactly what he's doing to me.

Wasn't I the one constantly telling myself that I was on the start of my new self? That I didn't want to be the doormat that I was with Jacob? That I would strive to be stronger, more independent, and maybe just a little wilder? Well, dammit all, now it's time to put the rubber to the road, right? Time put aside my cloying emotions that drown me and make me feel unsatisfied with everything.

Yeah, I felt sad and more than a little hurt that Edward hadn't immediately fallen head over heals for me, but, and this was a big _but_, I found out exactly how he felt about our situation before I'd completely lost my heart to him. And that was huge.

There was a brief moment these past few days that I'd fancied myself in love with him, but really, you can't love someone that fast, no, you fall in _lust_. So I was in deep lust, and a friendship could still be salvaged now that we were on the same page.

I ignored the twinge of sadness at my new realization, and embraced the triumph of turning a could be crushing blow to my ego, to a satisfactory arrangement with a gorgeous man. There, problem solved, I unlocked the door to our apartment, and switched on our side lamp.

Unbuttoning my blouse, and stripping down to my underwear, I threw on a pair of sweats and a tank top before rummaging through our cupboards for something to eat. As popcorn popped merrily in the microwave, I sipped on a glass of iced tea, and again congratulated myself on dealing with this whole matter in a very un-Bella-like way. I was calm, rational, and very pragmatic.

Yes, I was very proud of myself.

My resolve was still strong four days later when I entered our apartment to find Alice whipping around her room frantically.

"What's going on?" I leaned against the door frame and watched as she threw clothes into an oversized suitcase.

"Jasper's taking me away for a long weekend!" She grinned over a skimpy turquoise bikini that landed in her bag as well.

"Where are you off to?"

"San Diego!"

"Wow, any special occasion that I'm forgetting about?" I slipped out of my red pumps and kicked them across the hall into my room.

"No, that's what's so exciting! I think he's going to propose!" Alice hopped up and down in exhilaration.

"No way!" I took a step into the room and threw my arms around her bobbing form.

"Yes!"

Somehow I got caught in the up and down motion of her body and we were both jumping in the middle of her room.

"Okay, you have to call me as soon as he gives you the ring, and I need every single detail!"

"Oh, every _single _detail! I can't believe this is finally happening!"

I laughed, "what do you mean finally? You've only been dating for ten months."

"I was ready to marry that boy after a week!" Alice giggled hysterically as she zipped up her case. "I have to go, he's picking me up in like two minutes!"

No more had the words left her mouth that we heard the door buzz.

"Oh, I love you! I'll call you!" Alice screamed before taking the suitcase that was as big as her and hauling it out the door.

"Bye, remember everything so you can tell me later!" I called.

After the door had shut, and the house settled back into quiet, I sighed and walked into my room to start stripping off my work clothes. It was a miracle that I'd been home to see Alice off, I'd been working late every night because Baker's Publishing had had a week for the books so far. The influx of new authors was incredible and with the boost of Mike Newton's new release reaching number one on the New York Times Best Seller's list, we were starting to outgrow our building, as well as needing more employees. My work load alone had doubled this week.

Not that I was complaining, I enjoyed my job, and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't appreciate the distraction. Despite my determination to continue in my new me status, I was still working out the kinks. One such kink that I did not have to work through was worrying over the fact that I had not yet heard from Edward. Normally, I'd be biting my nails, rethinking every moment I'd last been with him, and second-guessing every move I'd made, but since I'd learned that he was out living it up and screwing other people, and yeah, that's exactly what he'd been doing, because why else go to a sex party, I'd been thankful to put off our next reunion.

I wasn't entirely sure how I was going to handle being around him since I'd never been in this type of relationship before.

Maybe I should take charge, and not wait around for him to call me. I stared at my phone for a moment before snatching it up and scrolling down my 'E' contacts. Take the bull by the horns, Swan, scratch that, take the bull by the balls.

"Hello? Hey, it's me. What do you have going on tonight?"

"Are you sure you sure? I mean absolutely sure you want to do this?"

"Esme, calm down, I have done it before, remember, you gave me the flippin' flyer."

"I know, I know, it just feels funny this time, like maybe you aren't doing it for the same reasons."

She was wrong, I was doing it for the exact same reason, to prove that a man didn't define me and that I could go out and do whatever the damn hell I wanted.

"Look, don't worry about me, I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself, besides, you were coming to this party tonight to have fun, to meet up with friends, you can still do that. If you feel like I'm imposing, than I'll totally go, but if that's not the issue, than just breathe. I'm fine, everything is just fine." I patted her shoulder as we walked up a towering staircase to an equally impressive gothic style mansion.

"It's not that you're imposing at all, in fact, I've never been here before, I don't even know who owns it, so I'm glad that you are with me for my sake, but I just don't want you to regret coming."

Esme's deep hazel eyes shone with concern.

I squeezed her arm before reaching up to push the door bell. "I'm okay, and if I get uncomfortable, I'll leave. Fair enough?"

She took a deep breath, and blew it out. "Alright, okay."

The huge wooden front door opened to reveal an extremely handsome, blonde man in his thirties.

"Hello." he said pleasantly smiling warmly.

"Hello," Esme stuck out her hand to the Adonis, "I'm Esme, Carmen invited me and my friend, Bella."

"Of course!" He pulled Esme inside by the hand that he'd shaken and I followed, closing the door behind me.

"I'm Carlisle, welcome to my home, if there is anything that you need, please let me know."

"Dr. Carlisle Cullen?" Esme spoke up, before I could choke on my own spit and embarrass myself.

"Yes." His perfect smile, turned up to one side in puzzlement.

Esme laughed delightedly. "It seems we've met before we were supposed to, I'm going to be set up with you on a blind date this Wednesday at Rosalie and Emmett McCarty's dinner party."

Carlisle joined in her laughter. "Well, I guess it won't be so blind will it?"

I stared dumbfounded, as these two loons laughed together as if they were the best and oldest of friends. I, however, was not laughing at all. This was Edward's father. Edward's _father_! I was two seconds from bolting out the door behind me when Carlisle turned to me.

"Will I be meeting you again as well at the McCarty's dinner party?" His face was all mirth and kindness.

"Uh, um" I stuttered stupidly. "Yes, yeah, I'll be there. I'm Bella."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Bella! Can I take you two ladies to the drink area and get you something?"

"I would love a drink!"

Esme's flirt power was on full volume and she was making bedroom eyes at the good doctor.

They turned expectantly towards me.

"No, thank you, I think I'll wander around a bit if you don't mind." I desperately hoped he didn't mind, I needed to get a handle on the complete mindfuck that I'd just been a part of. And yeah, there was no other way to say it, being here with Edward's father, who was hosting a sex party, that I was attending, to further detach myself from Edward, as in Carlisle's _son_, who was hosting a _sex _party, that I was _attending, _was a complete and total mindfuck! These facts kept swirling dizzily as Esme and Carlisle smiled and nodded at me and made their way to another room.

I gripped my clutch purse as if were my lifeline, and slowly made my way in the opposite direction of the two new lovebirds.

Shit, shit, shit! I crossed the long front entry and passed through a threshold into a large cavernous library, a low fire was burning and thankfully it was empty, save for a few people scattered in the far corners holding conversations in whispers. The walls were covered with books of every variety, and a long table sat underneath a picture window that faced to the West side of the mansion.

I dropped down onto a deep green velvet couch and stared into the fire.

A voice cleared behind me.

"Mind if I join you?"

I turned to see the bluest eyes staring back at me with unveiled lust.

"Sure." I said quietly. I shifted nervously to make room for the man.

"I'm Demetri." He stuck out his hand to shake mine.

"Bella." I replied softly. My mind was anything but quiet, it was screaming at me to run. This man, handsome as he was, with deep shining blong hair that waved perfectly over his forehead, sensually shaped lips and cute little dimpled chin, was looking at me like I was something to eat.

"Beautiful name for a beautiful girl," I almost rolled my eyes, it was a cheesy line that I'd heard before.

"Thank you." I answered anyway.

"I have to tell you, Bella, I saw you walk in with Esme, and I immediately wanted to get to know you." he smiled in what I'm sure he thought was a sexy way, but came off a little too smarmy to me.

I couldn't help but think how when Edward had said something similiar to me on the night we'd met, it hadn't fallen flat the way Demitri's words were. Edward's words had turned my insides out and made me want him with a desperation I'd never known.

"That's nice of you to say." I told him innanely. It was a stupid reply, but really, I didn't care what he thought of me.

He smiled back anyway, like I'd said exactly the right thing. "I only speak the truth." He scooted closer on the couch and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.

I flushed, feeling uncomfortable for the first time. He was getting too close, and touching me in a way that didn't feel quite right. I didn't know how to explain it other than it just wasn't quite right.

He must have, unfortunately, taken my blush to mean that I was pleased with his contact because before I could blink, his face loomed to mine as he kissed me. It wasn't a particularly intimate kiss, but as he opened his mouth and pushed his tongue into mine, it held slight edges of roughness to it.

Panic skittered up my spine as I pushed him back and tried to stand up, but was held down.

"Whoa, whoa, sorry." He spoke softly, almost soothingly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you, I thought you were okay with this."

I took two deep breaths and shook my head. "No, no, I'm not, and I'm sorry, I need to leave." I stood up and this time he let go of me and held up his hands.

"Are you sure, I think we could have a lot of fun together." Demetri said silkily.

"No, I don't think we would, I should be okay with this, but I'm not. Excuse me." I quickly bolted for the door, trying not to look at the other people in the room who must be staring.

Once I reached the front porch and jogged down the stairs, I dug out my cell phone and quickly called the cab company to send a taxi over. It was much too far to walk and Esme had driven us both here in her car. After the taxi company told me one would be here in ten minutes, I texted Esme:

_Going home, I'm fine, don't worry, just decided to head out early, enjoy yourself, and the good doctor._

I waited at the end of the driveway, when I heard my phone buzz.

_What's wrong? Are you sure you're fine? I can take you home myself. Did something happen?_

I sighed before texting her back.

_I'm really fine, I promise, I'd tell you otherwise, just ready to go home. Go make out with Dr. Carlisle._

As the cab pulled up, I received one more message.

_We already did, but I'm willing to go for round two:)_

That made me laugh. I told her to call me later, as we pulled away from the house.

I settled into the backseat feeling much better now that I was leaving the party. It wasn't the house that made me feel uneasy, in fact, for as huge as it was, it was very comfortable. No, it was that I knew that I didn't really want to be there. I thought I did, I told myself I did, but I really didn't. What I wanted was to be curled up with Edward, in his bed or mine, while he whispered to me in the dark and stroked my body. I felt my stomach clench at the thought of it.

I blew out a heavy breath and stared out the window as the streets flew by. It just wasn't going to be. Edward and I were what we were, nothing more. The sooner I accepted this, the better off I'd be. My phone buzzed again, but instead of a text it was an incoming call. From Edward.

Of course he would be calling me now, because that is the cherry on top of this whole clusterfuck sundae. Yeah, clusterfuck, apparently the new Bella liked to swear as well as have casual sex. Go figure.

I let it go to voicemail because I couldn't deal with talking to him, wanting him, and knowing that I was nothing more than an arrangement, geez, I was a freakin booty call. The thought depressed me so much, I just turned off my phone altogether and dropped it in my purse.

Guess I hadn't quite convinced myself to completely be the new me yet.

I dragged myself up my front stoop and into our apartment feeling weighed down with frustration at myself, Edward, and the world in general. I started shedding my clothes and without bothering to put on pajamas, crawled into bed naked. I soon let the blessed, peaceful oblivion take me over as I slipped into unconsciousness.

What seemed like a minute later, I heard an incessant buzzing from our front intercom. I groaned and burrowed deeper in my covers, hoping whoever was rude enough to come by so late would give up and go away.

This however, did not happen. The buzzing continued for an annoying eternity. Finally, I huffed in irritation and stalked to the intercom.

"Yes?" I'm sure I sounded pissed, because that was exactly how I felt. I squinted at the microwave in the kitchen and my annoyance escalated as the green numbers read 3:08 a.m.

"Bella?"

Oh hell, it was Edward.

And I was standing here totally naked.

"Yes?" I replied lamely, my voice quickly morphing from pissed to panicked.

"It's Edward, can I come up? Are you okay?" Damn his voice was already turning me on. I hated my traitorous body.

"Uh, yeah, come on up." I buzzed him up and ran to my room to grab a t-shirt and pair of boxer shorts. No way was I opening that door sans clothes.

I'd barely yanked my red flannel boxers up when I heard the quiet knock on the door. Sure, now he's quiet about coming over, it was this side of three minutes ago, he was buzzing our bell like the building was on fire.

I opened the door and felt the breath leave me as I stared at his stupidly perfect face. Life just wasn't fair. It was the middle of the night and instead of looking rumpled like any self-respecting human would, he was utterly flawless, his hair casually tossled, his jeans slung low on those delicious hips, and a blue t-shirt draped perfectly over his shoulders and chest.

"What's going on? Are you alright?" I asked trying to act normal, because yeah, right, late night guests were so normal for me.

He tilted his head and studied me.

"Are _you_ okay?" he asked softly.

This was the second time he'd asked me this, but I couldn't figure out why he'd think I wasn't.

"Yes." I said slowly, looking at him in confusion.

"Can I come in?"

"Uh, yeah, sure." I moved back from the door to let him pass.

"Can I get you something to drink?" I asked feeling the need to be polite even though I was completely baffled by his visit. Shouldn't he be off doing another girl at some sex party? Alright, maybe that was snotty of me, but after the day I'd had, screw niceties.

"No, nothing, thanks. Why didn't you answer your phone, and why is it off?" His tone still soft.

"My phone?" My brain working to come up with something, because I didn't feel like saying, 'yeah, I turned my phone off because this thing between us is stressing me out!'

"I've been sleeping."

"So nothing happened, you're alright?"

"Yes..."

This was beyond bizarre.

"You're not upset that I haven't been able to call you?" he took a step towards me.

"No..." I was upset because he was screwing around with other women.

"Are you sure? You weren't ignoring me on purpose?" He took another step and slid his hands up the side of my face and pushed my hair behind my ears.

"No." Okay that was in fact a lie.

"Good, I was worried that maybe you'd found a better offer and had left me hanging." Edward's lips turned up in a sexy smirk.

"No, no better offers." I said, because that was the utter truth, but dammit, my voice was embarrassingly breathy.

"I'm very glad to hear it." His moved closer, his lips skimming over mine.

Brain activity can now shut down.

"Mmmm" Was that me? Oh yeah, it was because I'm the girl who was all pissed ten seconds ago, but now that Edward's touching me, I can't remember why.

"You always taste so good." He murmured as his mouth traveled down my jaw to my neck. "Is Alice here?"

What?

"No, she's in San Diego."

"Good because I want you right here, right now."

I moaned as he drew the t-shirt up and over my head.

"You're so beautiful," he cupped my breasts and rubbed the nipples with his thumbs until they stiffened.

"Ohhhh."

"I just love the noises you make, baby, let me hear you, I want to hear what I do to you."

I should be angry that somehow I was letting myself be his disgusting sex toy again, but instead, caught up in my own lust, I mindlessly started unbuckling his jeans and slipped my hand down into his boxer briefs and pulled him out. He hissed as I stroked him. Edward always felt amazing, so smooth and hot.

"Easy, we don't want this to be over too soon." He laughed lightly and drew my hand away from him.

He pulled his shirt off and discarded his jeans before sliding his hands down into my shorts and over my ass.

"No panties." He groaned into my neck. "You're killing me."

"You have a bad habit of destroying my panties," I whispered in his ear.

"Mmm, you're right, I think you should forget about ever wearing them again." He whispered back while he moved one hand around front and began stroking my folds.

"Uhhhh"

"That's right baby." He pushed one then two fingers inside me and I ground shamelessly against him. Much too soon, he pulled his fingers out but then licked them with that sexy as hell tongue of his. I think my eyes rolled to the back of my head when he leaned down and yanked my shorts off completely.

"I need to taste you baby, I've been thinking about it all week, just how fucking amazing your pussy tastes." He practically growled at me, as he hiked me up by my waist and sat me on the breakfast bar. Nudging my knees open, he took one long lick over my core and I almost came off the counter.

"Mmmm, so delicious." He grinned up at me from underneath his lashes and held my thighs tightly as he began nibbling his way over every millimeter of me.

"Yes, oh yes, don't...right...yeah."

He sucked and licked and kissed until I almost lost my mind.

"Edward, oh gah, Edward!"

"I fucking love eating your tight little pussy, Bella, it makes me so hard."

Oh shit, his dirty words, and that amazing mouth which was tugging relentlessly on the bundle of nerves between my folds sent me soaring into wave after wave of ecstasy.

"Mmmm" He hummed making it even more mind-blowing.

He slowly kissed his way up my stomach as my body started to level out again.

"Kiss me, see what you taste like on my tongue." his voice was so low and husky it made my heart skip a beat, but then his mouth was on mine, rasping his tongue over me and I could taste the tang of myself mixed with the unmistakable flavor of Edward, and I moaned like the shameless slut I knew I was becoming for Edward, and only for Edward.

"What do you want, Bella? Tell me what you want right now." Edward sucked on my neck and I couldn't think at all.

"You." I breathed.

"How do you want me?" he started pinching one of my nipples between his fingers and I dropped my head back in utter submission to the sensations he was giving me.

"Edward." I could hear the whine in my own voice.

"Tell me, baby, I want to hear you say it, I love it when you tell me what you want." He placed open-mouthed kisses down my chest as he continued his wonderful torment, till he reached my other breast and flicked that nipple rapidly with his tongue.

"Oh, uh, inside of me, I want you inside of me."

"What am I doing inside of you? Come on, sweetheart, say it."

"I want you to fuck me." I moaned.

"That's right, I'm going to fuck you, Bella." He groaned against my nipple before throwing my right leg over his left arm, opening me more. With my back arched off counter, and his hands gripping my hips, with one fast thrust, he filled me.

"Yes, Edward, ugh." I gripped his hair.

"Look at me" he ground against me and then pulled out, thrust, and ground again. It felt freaking unbelievable. I could already feel the coil in my belly tightening.

"More Edward, give me more." I told him staring into his beautiful green eyes. They darkened as he swooped down and kissed me roughly.

"You want more, I'll give you more." He pulled out of me and hauled me up off the counter, turning me around and bending me over one of our bar stools.

"How does this feel baby?" He pushed back inside of me and pounded at a furious speed.

"Uhh, so fucking good." I could barely breathe, and I felt my eyes water as he hit my g-spot with each thrust.

"Ugh," he groaned behind me, the sound of our skin slapping together filling the air.

"Edward, I'm going to...I'm gonna.." I couldn't speak, I was too busy spiraling out of control.

"Come on Bella, give it to me. I want all of it"

I felt him cumming inside of me too as his thrusts became erratic and shorter.

"Ohhh." he moaned behind me, his movements finally slowing. We both stayed there, trying to catch our breath. Carefully, he pulled out of me, gently rubbing my back as I stood up too.

"Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" He asked softly, all traces of his rough desire dissolving into tenderness.

"I'm fine, you didn't hurt me." Suddenly I felt shy again, unsure of what I should do or say. "The bathroom is back at the end of the hall if you want to clean up."

"Okay, thanks." He leaned down and kissed me on the forehead, and walked unabashedly to the bathroom.

I grabbed a paper towel and wiped myself off before picking up my discarded clothes and putting them back on.

I heard the toilet flush and the sink running before it too shut off and Edward came back into the living room. I didn't say anything as he put his boxer briefs on, but watched him silently.

"I feel like something happened, but I don't know what it is." He said finally, studying my face again. "You're acting…. different."

I shrugged, and shook my head.

"I don't know. Nothing happened." Nothing happened with me, I went to a freakin sex party tonight but couldn't stomach screwing another guy, unlike you, who is totally fine with boinking other girls.

"I don't know." He said slowly. Again I just shrugged and crossed arms.

He walked forward and ran his hands up and down my arms. "Can I stay with you tonight?"

"Sure." I said without hesitation, because as much as I felt resentment over his betrayal, and that's exactly what it felt like, rational or not, I still wanted to be with him. Maybe I'm pathetic, but that was for me to deal with tomorrow.

I linked my fingers through his and led him to my bedroom.

"My bed isn't quite as big as yours." I told him gesturing to my double bed.

"That's okay, I like being close to you." He nuzzled my neck and I couldn't stop the goose bumps from breaking out on my skin.

"Okay." I turned to give him a small kiss before climbing into bed, but he stopped me from moving back to quickly.

"I've missed you this week." He told me after finally breaking a lingering kiss.

Yeah right, he really missed me while he had other girls warming his bed. Doubt it.

"I missed you too." And I actually mean it, pathetic me.

"I'm glad."

We crawled into bed and he slid behind me, fitting his body perfectly to mine.

"Goodnight Bella." he whispered into my ear.

"Goodnight Edward." I said softly, almost feeling like I could cry, because I knew that this all was nothing to him, that I was nothing to him but another warm body.

**Review please, I really want to know what you guys think, what works, and what doesn't. See you in a few weeks!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**I gotta know tonight, if you're alone tonight**

**Can't stop this feeling, can't stop this fight**.

I was a coward, a full on, no doubt about it, coward. Instead of telling Edward that I didn't want to be an impersonal fuck buddy anymore, and to get out of my house while I licked my preverbial wounds, I woke up the next morning to him licking something of mine that was definitely not a wound, but throbbing like one.

"Oh!" I'd shot awake with a start to find coppery-haired perfection between my thighs. "Edward!"

"Good morning, beautiful." He'd murmured against me.

I'd tried to scoot back up the headboard, but his hands had firmly grasped my hips and I was completely unable to move.

"Wha, what are you...? Uhhh!" My orgasm blasted through me like napalm as I shook and quivered underneath Edward's skillful mouth.

I panted and writhed as he crawled up to kiss me.

"Sorry I woke you, I couldn't help myself, you were just lying here, smelling so mouthwatering, I had to taste you again." He nuzzled my neck as he kneaded my ass, tilting my hips towards his. He was hard as a rock. "It's become a real problem for me, I get one whiff of your delicious scent and I can hardly control the beast inside of me from devouring you.

He bit lightly on my collarbone, and I moaned wantonly. "Why do you think that is, Bella?"

I arched against him.

"I don't know." I whimpered.

"Me neither, but I'm glad that it's mine, you're all mine." He growled as he raised my t-shirt up and off and took one of my nipples in his mouth. In the next second, he whipped off his boxer briefs, and lined himself up with my entrance.

"Edward, I..." I don't know what it was that I was going to say to him, but the words died in my throat as he slid inside of me and our moans mingled together.

He laid his forehead against mine as we moved together.

"I can't stop wanting you, Bella. Every time I turn around, I want you; to see you, feel you, taste you. Being with you always feels so fucking good." He sat up on his knees and pulled me with him so that I sat astride him.

"Edward," I wrapped my arms around his neck and moved my hips quicker. "yes, uhhh... I want you too, so much."

My words were slurred at best, what he made me feel, what he did to my body, was unlike anything I'd ever imagined.

A growl hummed low in his throat as he palmed my breast, squeezing it, pinching the hardened tip, and shooting desire straight to my core. I grabbed his head, burying my fingers in his thick hair and fused my lips to his. I came as he sucked my tongue, and massaged it with his.

"Yes!" I moaned, grinding in to him. His arms banding me tightly to him, he quickly followed with a sexy grunt.

I kept my face buried in his neck as we both calmed from the storm we'd just ridden. He stroked my hair and kissed my shoulder lightly.

"Do you have plans today?" He murmured against my skin, his hot breath sending ripples of need through me.

"I uh, brought some work home, from my office." I replied, lifting my head and finding my face a centimeter from his. His beautiful green eyes piercing mine.

"If I give you space to get most of it done, can I talk you into coming home with me a little later?"

"Don't you have the bar tonight?" My brain scrambled, I wanted nothing more than to go home with him, lose myself in the wonderful cocoon that had become my weekends with him, but I knew that when I surfaced again, I'd be that much more vulnerable to the hurt I'd feel at knowing that that's all I was, his weekend sex partner. Just a body to use for a few days.

"Jax can handle it tonight, I've had a party of sorts planned for about a month, and I want you to come. Please come." He shifted slightly, brushing his lips over my jaw.

"Alright, but I really have a lot of work to do." I told him trying to keep some semblance of strength, of control.

"Thank you." he kissed me soundly on the mouth and eased out of me and off the bed. "Is it okay if I use your shower?"

"Of course," I waved dismissively as I slipped my t-shirt and boxers once again, back on. I was letting him use my body, why not the shower too?

I heard the water start in the bathroom as I began brewing some strong coffee.

Okay, Swan, get a grip. You're losing it. I dropped my head to the kitchen counter, who was I fooling? I had lost it, it was gone, long loooong gone.

I stayed with my head down until I heard the water shut off. I stood up quickly and grabbed two mugs. After pouring us both a generous dose of caffeine, I popped a bagel in the toaster.

"So, you're getting slammed at work this week?" Edward breezed in the kitchen, picking up his mug of coffee and smelling like my soap.

Lethal, that boy is plain lethal.

"Yeah," I moved to the refrigerator and pulled out a tub of cream cheese. "Lots of new releases this month, as well as a bunch of new authors getting signed."

I handed him half of the bagel after I smeared it with cream cheese. He smiled adorably as he took it and bit in with a crunch.

"Sounds exciting, are you getting more responsibility with the influx of business?"

"Yes and no, my boss is, therefore I am, but really, it's just a heavier work load. More paperwork to generate, meetings to set up, lunches to coordinate, that kind of thing. I brought home some odds and ends things that I couldn't get to at the office, but can finish up here on my laptop and take in on Monday."

"Well, then on that note, I will let you get to it, so that I can steal you later." He bent forward and kissed me softly on the mouth. He tasted like coffee and cream cheese, I was doomed to forever associate those flavors with him. "I'll run down to the bar and get a couple things done so I don't get in your way and then come back in say three hours?"

I glanced at the clock, it was only just nine o'clock. "What are we going to do all day until the party?"

I was genuinely trying to figure out what he could possibly have planned all afternoon.

He smirked wickedly, "Don't worry, I'm sure we'll find something to occupy our time."

I felt a clenching in my stomach, but controlled my face as I took a drink from my mug.

"I'm sure we will, I've been wanting to challenge you to a game of Canasta for a while."

Edward's face broke out into a grin as he laughed.

"You read my mind, baby."

I sifted through most of my paperwork quickly, it was merely a matter of organizing and making sure that when I gave it to Angela on Monday, it would be easy to find the information she needed. The computer work however, was taking more time than I had anticipated. It wasn't terribly difficult to do, but my mind kept wandering back towards a certain man who regularly raised my blood pressure, and our little situation.

Finally, though, I was able to focus on the job in front of me. Angela had actually given me the task of sorting through manuscript files. I'd always taken care of the ones that she'd specifically handed me, but that had entailed nothing more important than copying or sending them out to other publicists. This time, I would actually be looking at manuscripts she hadn't even seen yet. I was to read through each file's abstract and decide which genre they belonged to, as well as whether they seemed like a top priority read. With the flood of work Angela was receiving, she needed an extra pair of eyes that knew what she looked for in both an author and their piece of work to mill through the dozens and dozens of manuscripts she was being sent each day.

I was surprised and thrilled when she'd asked me to help her. She was absolutely a nice boss, but she also had high expectations when it came to doing a job. I couldn't help but feel flattered that she trusted me enough to be able to give her the right manuscripts to read while she saw to other tasks.

I was chewing on a pen, sitting on the floor, staring at my laptop that was propped on my coffee table and trying to decide if the current abstract I was looking at would either go into science fiction or romance when I heard my front buzzer. I stood up while twisting my hair up and holding it in place with the pen I'd been chewing on to answer the buzzer.

"Yes?"

"Hey babe, it's me, can you ring me up?" Edward's voice came through the speaker.

"Uh" I looked down at myself, I was still in the boxers and t-shirt from earlier. "Sure." I pushed the little button on my panel to let him in, and shook my head. Nothing I could do about my appearance now. I thought I'd have time to at least shower before he came back, but I guess not.

I opened the door after a quick knock sounded on the other side.

"Hi, sorry, I'm still working," I gestured at my unkempt self.

"No problem, I brought lunch, I can eat quietly while you keep at it." He held up to brown paper bags.

My stomach growled on cue, I hadn't even realized I was starving. Half a bagel doesn't last a girl very long.

"Thanks, that was nice of you, what did you bring?" I tried to peer into one of the bags as he sat them on our little cafe style kitchen table.

"You'll see, but first," he shifted me away from the bags and kissed me firmly, sweeping his tongue over the top of my mouth.

"Mmmm, you taste better than lunch." I murmured against his mouth.

"So do you. How about we go back to the bedroom and then reheat lunch after?"

"After what?" I asked grinning, but then gasped as one of his hands slipped down my shorts and stroked the crease between my hip and thigh.

"After I help you make the bed of course. I felt bad leaving it in such disarray this morning." Edward sucked lightly on the back of my jaw.

"Well that would be ridiculous." I said breathlessly. I don't even know where my verbal skills were coming from, I should be a puddle of desire on the floor.

"Why's that, baby?"

"Because, we're just going to mess it up again." I gripped his wrist and moved his teasing hand where I wanted it.

"I was hoping you'd say that." He played his fingers over me and circled them against my opening.

"I love your fingers." My voice was low and raspy.

"My fingers love you." Edward plunged two of those wonderfully long fingers inside of me, making my breath hitch and my eyes close in ecstasy.

All too soon, he pulled them back out and without looking away from my eyes, he slowly ran his tongue over them. The wicked, wicked man.

I pushed his hand away and attacked his mouth.

"Mmmph." He hiked me up so that my legs wrapped tightly around his waist and quickly headed towards my bedroom.

He laid us both on the bed and began stripping off our clothing. When we were naked, he stroked my face and kissed me again.

I could freaking live off this man's kisses.

"Turn on your side away from me, baby."

I looked at him slightly puzzled, but did as he asked. He moved up behind me and spooned against my back. He pulled my hair back from my face and licked lightly over the back of my ear. I shuttered involuntarily.

"I need to touch you while I take you." He said it so softly, I wouldn't have been able to hear it if his mouth hadn't been right by my ear.

"Please." I moved against him. I needed to feel him inside of me, it seemed like I couldn't get enough of us together like this.

He moaned and pushed his erection against my cheeks.

Edward stroked my thigh and pulled it up and over both of his. "Push that ass back, baby."

I arched slightly and felt him slide into me. It felt so amazing I couldn't make a sound.

"Fuck, Bella, you're so tight."

He slid one arm under my head and gripped my outstretched hand, lacing our fingers, while his other arm pulled my hips further back into him. He set a steady pace, moving us in a mind-numbing rhythm.

"Uhhh," I moaned, "every fucking time." I don't even think my words were understandable.

"Every fucking time what baby" Edward whispered hoarsely.

My head fell back against his shoulder as he began to brush his fingertips over my nipple. The sensation shot straight down to my core.

"It just feels amazing with you every fucking time." I stuttered out.

"I know, I don't know why, but it does, I don't ever want to stop being with you like this." He pulled me tightly against him and began to quicken his thrusts.

"Yes, yes." I groaned, feeling the tightening of my orgasm begin in my abdomen.

"Bella."

"I'm so close..."

He quickened yet again, and slid two fingers over my clit.

I mewled as I came with an unbelievable intensity. Edward sucked on my shoulder as I felt the warm rush inside of me from his release. We slowed our movements before stopping altogether and just panted, hearts pounding as we caught our breath.

"Now I'm really hungry." I smiled smugly.

He chuckled behind me, and slapped my ass lightly, sending a warm rush through me and causing me to clench my muscles around him.

Edward stopped laughing and rubbed the cheek he'd just slapped. "Do you like that, Bella? Would you like it if I spanked you?"

I couldn't stop the low growl in my chest. I never thought that I would ever like a man to spank me. It seemed too dirty, too taboo, but the thought of Edward doing it, using those hands of his to caress and work over my flesh as I lay naked across his lap, turned me on inexplicably.

"Yes." I whispered.

"I'd like it too, in fact, I can't think of anything sexier right now than you bent over for me, I could make it so good for the both of us." He continued to message my ass, and I felt him harden a little inside of me.

"Yes, gah, Edward, please." I'd officially lost my mind at the picture of us together like that.

"We will, oh I promise we will." He cupped my breasts and gently kneaded them. "But first, we need to get you fed, so you can finish work and we can get to my house."

"What is your rush to get to your house?" I asked as I turned over and kissed his chest.

"I just want to be there with you for a few hours before people come over." Edward replied tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Why?"

He shrugged, and kissed my forehead. "There's just going to be a lot of people there tonight and I'd like us to have a calm before the storm."

"Okay." It didn't really make sense to me, but whatever.

I shrugged into a short white terry-cloth bathrobe and Edward pulled on his jeans before we walked back to the kitchen. He opened the bags he'd brought and took out two containers of soup, a foot long Italian sub, and two jumbo white chocolate macadamia nut cannoli's.

"Mmmm," I opened the container with minestrone soup. "This looks and smells awesome, I think I could eat everything."

"Eat whatever you want baby." Edward smiled as he grabbed napkins from the basket by the toaster.

"But then what will you eat?"

His smile turned wolfish. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Dirty mind!" I pointed at him and shoved the other Styrofoam cup at him.

"Alright, alright, I'll just eat the chicken and noodle then." He smirked pulling off the lid and picking up the other plastic spoon.

Edward ate his half of the sandwich and soup at the table while I took my food back to my laptop and finished the last five manuscripts that I needed to go through.

"All done." I announced as I threw away the trash from lunch into the garbage. Edward looked up from the newspaper he must have brought in with him.

"I put your cannoli into the fridge if you want it." He folded up the paper and sat back in his chair.

"I cannot eat another bite, I'm stuffed." I clutched my stomach dramatically.

He shook his head at me. "There's always room for cannoli, love."

I blinked at his endearment. He called me 'baby' all the time, but this was the first time he'd called me 'love', wasn't it? Flickers of a memory of us lying in his bed and him calling me 'love' surfaced, but I quickly dismissed it. It had to have been a dream or something.

"Not in this girl, I'm going to go shower, and grab something to wear for the party." I headed towards the bathroom.

I adjusted the temperature of the water before stepping into the stream. I'd been in there barely a minute when I felt a body slide up behind me. I shrieked and laid a hand over my pounding heart.

"Edward, you scared the crap out of me!"

"Who else did you think was getting in the shower with you?" He pushed his hair out of his eyes and looked at me with amusement.

"I wasn't expecting anyone at all to join me!" I said mulishly, as I grabbed my shampoo and began lathering my hair. "Besides, I won't get done quickly with you in here with me."

"I promise, I'll be a good boy." he held up three fingers in the scout's honor sign. "Unless you don't want me to be a good boy, of course."

I narrowed my eyes at him while I rinsed my hair, and with an innocent smile he reached around me and grabbed the soap.

"You know, you did already take a shower today." I reminded him, trading places with him as he rinsed the suds off his body. He looked so delicious I didn't know if I could keep _my _hands off _him_.

"Yes, but that was before the stupendous sweaty sex we just had." Edward grinned wickedly at me as water sluiced over his face. "And see, all done, you can have the shower back now."

He dropped a kiss on my mouth and stepped out of the tub.

I shook my head as I quickly shaved my legs. Edward always seemed to get his way with me. Not just that he'd had his way with me...multiple times, but that every time I tried to throw up some kind of barrier, he kicked it down like it was nothing more than a barely noticed pebble.

I shut off the water and grabbed a towel, drying myself quickly, and walking to my room. Edward was sprawled on my bed reading the paper he'd put down earlier.

"Just let me know when you're ready and we'll jet over to my place." He didn't even look up from whatever article he was perusing.

"Okay."

I slathered lotion on my arms and legs, and pulled on a pair of jeans and fitted blue and white cotton button down shirt. I didn't bother with makeup since I'd just take my cosmetic bag with me and do it before the party. I pulled out a tight royal blue mini-dress, and a pair of nude pumps. Throwing them in a tote bag with a hairbrush and curling iron, I turned to Edward as I slipped on a pair of tan flats.

"Ready."

"That was fast." He looked impressed.

I smiled, "I'm low-maintenance."

"Good to know. Let me get my keys and we'll go."

We drove to Edward's apartment and waited for the elevator to take us to his floor.

"So, are we playing Bridge or Canasta when we get inside?" I asked smirking at him.

"I'm in the mood for Rummy actually. Strip Rummy." He replied looking straight ahead with a half-smile on his perfect face.

"No such thing."

"Sure there is, you can make any card game a 'strip' game."

What we actually did for most of the afternoon was cuddle on the couch and watch movies. It was ridiculously high school and absolutely wonderful. I was able to lay in Edward's arms for hours while he stroked my hair, or kissed my temple, or held my hand. It was a complete departure from the erotic time we usually spent alone together. It was achingly sweet, and it made it almost impossible for me to believe that he was only using me for sex.

Why would he even bother spending time with me like this if I didn't mean more to him than just sex? I couldn't fathom an answer.

We had just finished "3:10 to Yuma" when I turned over and laid my chin on this chest and looked into his face.

"Tell me about your family." I requested. "You haven't told me anything about them."

"Well," his face grew pensive. "my dad, Carlisle, adopted me when he was nineteen and I was six. He was pre-med at the University of Washington, and it was probably the worst time for him to take on the guardianship of a small child, but he did it."

"Where were you before Carlisle adopted you?"

"With my mother, she died, so I was sent for a brief period to a state-funded housing center. I wasn't there long before I went to live with Carlisle." he replied flatly.

I wanted to ask more, but Edward seemed uncomfortable discussing his parentage with me, so I tried to steer the conversation in a little bit different direction.

"What kind of medicine does your dad practice?"

"General Medicine. He could probably pick any specialty that he wants to and be amazing at it, but he likes the variety of people that he meets with General Medicine. He's really great." I could hear the admiration and pride in Edward's voice as he spoke about Carlisle. I tried to picture in my head the almost saint-like man that Edward described and the young, handsome, man with the sexual reputation that I'd met the other night with Esme.

He was probably an equal measure of both the sinner and the saint. A good man with human tendencies.

"Well my father is the chief of police back in my hometown and I have to tell you it wasn't nearly as handy to have a cop for a dad as having a doctor around must have been." I smiled and poked him in the ribs.

"Wait a minute, are you telling me that I'm doing all kinds of deviant things with a woman whose father not only owns a gun, but is allowed to kill with it?" Edward's face shifted in mock horror.

"That's right, buster, so you better make sure you treat me right!." I slid up his body so that I was straddling his hips and my mouth hovered over his ear. "And you know what I mean by that don't you?" I let my voice drop to a husky whisper.

"Maybe you should be clear, just so there's no miscommunication." He nuzzled my neck while his hands stroked over my hips and thighs.

"What that means, exactly, is that I always get to win at strip rummy." I bit his ear quickly and then sat up laughing at the surprised look on his face.

"Oh really." He said dryly, before running his fingers up my ribs and tickling me mercilessly.

"No! Stop!" I kept trying to move away from him, but he wouldn't let me go and soon we were both wrestling on the floor.

"Okay! Okay! You can win sometimes too!" I said laughing as tears ran down my cheeks.

He rolled over so that I was tucked underneath him. "You are very lucky that it's almost time for the party, otherwise, your punishment would continue."

"What kind of punishment?" I asked running my hands over his arms, with thoughts of our earlier conversation flitting through my head.

"Exactly the kind you're thinking of." Edward replied his eyes darkening.

My hips bucked involuntarily, making his eyes darken to almost black. "Soon, baby."

"How long before people start arriving, we might still have time." I pulled his lips to mine, my body on fire for his touch.

"An hour, not nearly enough time for me to touch you the way I want to." He murmured before sweeping his tongue along the top of my mouth.

I couldn't stop the moan from sliding from my throat.

He slowly sat up and helped me off the floor as well. "If we don't stop now, I don't think I'll be able to stop at all, and we'd be giving our guests an unplanned floor show."

A sudden thought stopped me from agreeing immediately. "Edward, this isn't a sex party is it?" It hadn't even occured to me that he would be throwing a swinger's party, but it was completely possible, considering how we'd met.

He tilted his head the right slightly and studied my face.

"Would that make you uncomfortable?"

"I don't know." I replied, while my head screamed, yes.

"Well, don't worry, it's not, I'm just having some friends over to hang out and eat and drink a little."

I nodded, as previous insecurities of Edward's motives with me swept through me.

"Come on, love, let's get dressed." He pulled me up to his bedroom.

Forty-five minutes later, I joined Edward in the kitchen as he was filled a bucket with ice. I'd put on the blue dress, nude pumps, and applied makeup. Because I'd let my hair air dry, it was slightly wavy, so I pulled up the sides into a clip, letting a few pieces fall around my face.

"What can I do to help?"

"Well first, you look fucking stunning, and second, if you don't mind, I still need to put together a couple appetizer plates."

I blushed, "No I don't mind, and ...thank you."

He kissed the side of my head on the way to the refrigerator to pull out cheese and grapes, along with slices of baguette bread and crackers. I began arranging them on two white platters while he began pulling bottles of wine and liquor from a side cabinet.

"How many people are you expecting?" I asked popping a grape in my mouth.

"Maybe twenty at most."

The doorbell rang just then and giving me a smile, he walked over to answer the door.

People began piling in and it was quite obvious within an hour that more than twenty guests were packed into the first floor of Edward's loft apartment. I tried to not stick like glue to Edward's side and make him feel like he had an unshakable shadow, but it was hard to not want to stay with him since I didn't know anyone else there.

One of the times I wandered off from him, I walked over to replenish a plate of jelly tarts.

"You're Bella, right?" A male voice sounded beside me.

I turned to find an average, if not slightly geeky looking man standing to the right of me. His hair was messy, he wore a black button down shirt that was in fact buttoned _up _clear to his collar, and a pair of thick framed tortoise-shell glasses.

"Right." I said smiling at him and feeling like he might be as awkward here as I was.

"Hi," he held his hand out for me to shake. "I'm Eric, a friend of Edward's...well obviously a friend of his, because why else would I be here." He laughed self-consciously.

"It's nice to meet you, Eric. It's good to get to meet some of Edward's friends." I said trying to be kind.

"And it's nice to finally meet you, I mean, I've heard a lot about you." He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his noses when they began sliding down.

"You have? Well I hope it's good things."

"Definitely good things."

"Well that's a relief. Can I get you something to drink?" I asked noticing that he wasn't holding a glass.

"Oh, no thanks, I was actually on my way over to get something, I just wanted to say hello first." He shrugged.

"Oh, okay, well thanks for introducing yourself. I better take this over to the table." I gave him one last smile before taking the platter over to Edward's little dining room table.

"Who are you?" A very irritated female voice came from behind me.

I assumed she wasn't talking to me, because why would someone be speaking to me like that? Regardless, I did turn to see who she was talking to.

A tall, very pretty strawberry blonde was glaring at me.

"Are, are you speaking to me?" I asked confused.

"Obviously." Her voice was grating and annoying.

"I'm Bella."

"And? What? Are you like Edward's 'girlfriend'?" She even did the ridiculous air-quotes with her fingers as she said girlfriend.

"No." I said slowly and not liking where this was going. "We're just...friends." I didn't know how else to explain our relationship.

"Well that's something at least." Her face relaxed to mildly irritated.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" I asked wanting nothing more than to not know who she was.

"I doubt it, but that's okay, because you will, I'm Tanya. You know; another one of Edward's 'friends'." She flicked a long lock of hair behind her shoulder, and smirked.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N- First, I would like to say thank you to all of you who have added 'Let Go' to your favorites and/or alerts. It really does mean a lot to me to know people are reading and hopefully, enjoying this story! I really enjoy writing it! With that said, for those of you who haven't reviewed, I would greatly appreciate any and all feedback, it helps me to know what is working for people and what isn't. Of course, I have definite ideas for this story and its characters, but that doesn't mean your comments don't help me! Okay, see you darlings on the flip side!**

**Chapter 10**

_**Come on, oh my star is fading, a**__**nd I see no chance of release**_

_**And I know I'm dead on the surface, b**__**ut screaming underneath**_

****  
"Another one of Edward's 'friends'." I said dumbly looking at this beautiful woman in front of me, blood whooshing loudly in my ears. I felt deafened by it as it drained down out of my head and pooled nauseatingly in my stomach.

This must be some kind of mistake, right? I'd finally started to entertain the idea that my insecurities were unfounded, that even if Edward had gone to another swinger's party, that surely, there must be some kind explanation, because when we were together, there was something different between us. We were special, and of course, _of course _it had to be more than mere sex to him. Yet, here Tanya stood, telling me plainly that I was not, in fact, Edward's only significant other.

I tore my eyes away from Tanya's smug face, and searched Edward out in the crowd. He was speaking to a group of three people, his perfect profile to me. He turned then, meeting my gaze, and smiled crookedly. Using every ounce of willpower within me, I smiled back. His eyes shifted suddenly to who I was speaking with and his smile disappeared quickly and he spoke a few words to his companions before making his way towards us.

The last thing I wanted was to speak to him before I could pull myself together. To my utter relief, he was detained once more by another group, a man and woman, Irina, and her date, Caius. I'd met them earlier.

"Oh dear, you'll have to excuse me, I want to say hello to Irina, I haven't spoken to her since my party last week, but I'm sure you knew about it, Edward was there too after all."

I wanted to rip the arrogant expression off her face, but instead, I coolly met her snarky blue eyes.

"Of course, I knew about your little get together. I was unable to attend, but it worked out well that Edward could make it." You bitch.

Her smiled dimmed slightly, but she nodded and made her way over to Irina, Caius and Edward.

I turned slowly as not to attract attention and moved to Edward's bedroom to gather my things. I needed out of there, right now. I had to leave before I suffocated under the choking emotions boiling inside of me.

"Bella."

I'd just made it past the counter of liquor when Eric's voice stopped me. I should have been overwhelmed with gratitude that it wasn't Edward, but I wanted out of there so badly, that even this detainment sorely tested my patience.

"I need to get going, Eric. I'll, uh see you later." Anything, I had to say anything to get away.

"Please, I don't know what Tanya said, but she's poison, don't let her get between you and Edward." His voice was so soft and kind, I wanted to sob.

It wasn't Tanya getting between us, Edward had firmly placed her there.

"Don't worry, Eric. I'm fine. I just need to go." I lied and continued towards the door, slipping through it while a new string of people came in. It helped disguise my exit, as I weaved around them.

I strode purposefully down the long hallway and punched the elevator button. Just as I entered the lift car, I heard my name.

"Bella! Wait!" Edward called running towards me.

I hit the lobby button hurriedly and closed the doors before he could get to me. I stared at him blankly as the doors closed on his distressed face.

_Goodbye Edward_.

I gripped my bag tightly and waited to step off onto the main level. I strode determinedly through the lobby and out the main revolving doors. I couldn't have planned it better as a couple were exiting a taxi in front of the building, I slid into the backseat and gave the driver my address.

I was a half a block away when I saw Edward run out onto the sidewalk through the rearview mirror. He frantically searched left then right.

A moment later, my cell phone buzzed inside my handbag. I pulled it out already knowing it would be Edward.

I hit Ignore and sat back in the seat, waiting to get home, waiting to finally be able to break down and feel every piece of my shattered heart breaking.

I'd been home fifteen minutes, and Edward had called eight times. _I don't want to talk to you_, I thought rolling over onto my stomach where I'd sprawled on my bed earlier, as my phone buzzed for the ninth time. _I _can't _talk to you_!

It would stop, eventually, it would have to stop. I wanted to cry, scream, punch something, but above all, I wanted what Tanya said to not be true. I wanted to continue on in that tiny bubble where Edward and I had existed today, where we'd snuggled on the couch, with his strong arms around me, his heavenly scent invading my senses, and we talked about our lives and families and friends. I wanted to not feel this ache in my heart that hurt so much worse than any ache from Jacob.

I closed my eyes and curled into a ball, I was still wearing that stupid blue dress and suddenly feeling like I couldn't shed it fast enough, I jumped up off my bed and whipped it over my head. I even stripped out of the underwear I'd been wearing all day. I crossed to my dresser and pulled out a soft comfy pair of purple sweatpants and a gray worn t-shirt that read 'University of Maryland'.

I quickly dove back to bed and buried myself under the covers. I didn't have to come out if I didn't want to right? I was an adult and didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do. I could become a hermit, and live right here in this safe little spot for the rest of my life.

Five minutes later, five hours later, I don't know, someone was buzzing incessantly down on our front stoop. I clenched my eyes shut like the wuss that I was and willed them away.

It had to be Edward, and I couldn't face him right now. When I eventually spoke with him again, I wanted to be strong, and shrug my shoulders at the funny little thing Tanya had said to me, because that's all it should have been, a funny little nothing, just as our arrangement shouldn't have meant to me what it did.

So no, I didn't move a muscle to answer that buzz.

Finally it stopped, and blessed silence kept me company again. That is until a insistant knocking at our front door began. I sat up with assuredly a shocked expression on my face. How did he get up to our door? I didn't buzz him through!

I crept slowly out of my room and across the living room to peak out the peephole.

There he stood, in all of his magnificent, beautiful glory. The fucking _bastard_!

"Bella." He spoke lowly through the door, leaning with both hands braced on the frame.

"Bella, please. I know you're home, please talk to me, I don't know what Tanya said, but let's talk about it, whatever it is."

I closed my eyes tightly as a wayward hand started to reach for the door knob. I snatched it back quickly. What was I doing? I hadn't prepared myself, I wasn't ready to smile carelessly at him.

"Don't shut me out, baby." His voice was soft.

Baby? _Baby_? He had the gall to call me _baby_? Wonder what he called Tanya?

Before I could stop myself a second time, I yanked that door open with fire shooting out of my eyeballs. Pride be damned!

"You want to talk about it, alright let's have a fucking discussion."

He stared at me open-mouthed for all of five seconds before he stepped into the apartment and tried to reach for me.

"Bella-"

"Don't touch me. Words don't require touching." I told him, stepping away from his grasp.

He blinked with surprise and slowly nodded, looking at me like skittish animal who might run at the slightest move.

"What happened tonight?" He asked, his voice soothing and calm.

"Nothing that I shouldn't have been prepared for." I replied flatly, because truthfully, what Tanya said shouldn't have been anything shocking. I knew he'd been to that party, and I knew that I was merely someone to call for a piece of ass. If I'm hurt, I have no one to blame but myself. That doesn't mean I couldn't hate him though.

"I don't understand." He took a step towards me and I took a step back, causing him again to halt all movement.

"I knew what we were, so really, like I said, it shouldn't have surprised me."

"What we _were_?" His eyes narrowed at my word choice.

"Yes, I knew that I was little more than a fuck buddy."

He winced. It gave me a slight degree of satisfaction.

"So when Tanya explained that she was as well, I shouldn't have been surprised."

"She wha-!"

I cut him off.

"It's probably better now actually, I was allowing myself to think maybe we were becoming something more, but that's my fault, and I'm rectifying it now. I'd like to end whatever it is we've got going on here. I thought maybe I could do it, but I can't, and you deserve to know that before it goes any further."

Edward looked stunned. He was silent for a moment.

"I don't want this to be over Bella." He kept his eyes on mine, his voice increasingly gentle.

"I understand that the sex was good, great actually, but who are we fooling? You want a convenient lay, and I'm a relationship person. I really want you to understand that I don't blame you for misleading me, you haven't. I mean," I laughed mirthlessly, "we did meet at a sex party, how could this mean any more to you than a couple of good fucks."

Edward's head snapped up and he took two giant steps towards me, grabbing me by my upper arms.

"I don't ever want to hear you say that again, that is _not _what this is." His voice was raspy and hard with anger.

My eyes widened at his coldly furious face, before I regained some composure.

"What it _was_," I correct him "and don't tell me that when you walked into that bedroom at Emmett's and Rosalie's you weren't hoping for one thing and one thing only?

Why wouldn't he just agree with me and go? I needed him to go so I could fall apart.

"You're right," he brought his face close to mine. "I was, and if you didn't want to do it, you could have said no."

I nodded.

"I'm saying no now."

His grip loosened and he took a step away from me.

"That's it, just like that, you're done? Because Tanya fed you some bullshit about her being, what, my 'other fuck buddy'? And let's get that straight right now, Bella, it was definite bullshit, I have never been with Tanya sexually or otherwise." He ran his hand through his hair leaving it in disarray.

"Regardless," I stiffened my spine against the overwhelming relief. "it doesn't really change anything, and I don't want to be used for sex."

"Who's using you?" He almost bellowed with frustration.

"You are!" my volume matched his. "Why else would you go to Irina's party last week?"

His eyes narrowed, but the rest of his face went blank.

"How did you hear about that?"

"Why does it matter if it's true?" I replied just as flatly.

He shook his head, "Bella, it's not-"

"I would like you to leave please." I looked over his shoulder at the wall as I said it. Enough was enough. I needed a clean break.

"No damnit, not until we've straightened this out." He growled.

"It's my apartment, and I'd like you to leave." I repeated.

"Baby-"

"Now." It took all my resolve, but I stood unwaveringly.

"This isn't done." Edward told me grasping my chin in his fingers and tilting my face to look him in the eye. "Even though I'm leaving, this is not finished."

I stood mutely as he turned to walk out the door.

"Yes, it is." I said softly before he clicked it shut.

I took two deep breaths before dissolving into the tears I had been fighting. I stumbled to the couch and cried until all I had left were hiccups.

Two days later, I sat in my room in my armchair and stared out the window. It was late evening, I'd managed to eat a hurried dinner before Alice got home from work. So far she hadn't mentioned my distant mood, but that could also be attributed to her dealing with her own issues.

She had returned late Sunday night and I only stayed up long enough to make sure she wasn't sporting a new ring on her left hand and I'd somehow missed the call. She smiled a little sadly as she held up her naked hand. I returned her smile feeling sorry for the both of us as I gave her a hug. We both went to bed that night without further discussion. She was lost in her own thoughts just as I was in mine.

I'd been trying to stay away from Esme at work without seeming like I was avoiding her. I'd made sure to say hello when I passed her desk Monday and Tuesday, but then quickly made my way up to my desk before she could start a conversation.

So here, I sat in solitude with Him and Her playing through my speakers. Zooey Deschanel's voice soothed and allowed me to either think long thoughts or wipe my mind blank as I watched the night sky.

Edward had called me every day, but I'd yet to answer my phone. I wasn't ready. After our discussion on Sunday night, I realized just how deeply I'd come to care for him. I knew that I was already in too deep, but in his absence, it only became more abundantly clear.

A soft knock at my door interrupted my star gazing and pensive mood.

"Come in." I called.

"Hey." Alice peeked her head in. "Edward is in the living room. He wants to talk to you."

I tensed but kept my expression neutral.

"Please tell him that I will call him when I want to talk to him."

Alice hesitated.

"He's not Jacob. I just want you to know that. I don't know what happened, but he's not like Jacob."

I turned my head to look at her compassionate gaze.

"Please tell him." I said again firmly.

She nodded and shut the door quietly behind her. I heard murmurs in living room. The deep tone of Edward's voice, and the softer, higher tone of Alice's.

A few minutes later another knock sounded on my door.

I sat silently as it opened without my reply.

"He's gone." Alice came in and sat on my bed cross-legged. "He asked me to tell you that it's important that you talk soon."

"Alright, thanks Alice."

She sighed when I made no other comment.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." I didn't want to hurt feelings, but discussing Edward was the furthest thing from what I wanted to do at that moment.

"Do you want to talk about San Diego?" I asked turning to look at her.

That same sad smile floated across her lips as she rubbed her temple.

"No." She laughed humorlessly. "But I will tell this much. It was a beautiful weekend, and if I hadn't gotten it in my stupid head that he was going to propose, then I wouldn't be so disappointed right now. It's my own fault."

"The messes we make all by ourselves, huh?" I held my hand out to her. She grasped it and squeezed it tightly. "How about some tea? I know I could use a little soothing."

I stood up and headed for the kitchen.

"Put a little whiskey in mine." Alice replied as she pulled my gray quilt around her.

I nodded and ended up adding whiskey to both of our mugs. We watched "Say Anything" while huddled underneath my quilt and sipping our hot toddies. It was comforting, so much so that we both fell asleep in my room that night.

I repacked my container from lunch into my purse the next day and was preparing to dive back into the stack of manuscripts that needed to be filed away when Esme barreled her way in front of me.

"What's going on?" She asked firmly. Her face serious and leaving no question of whether or not she meant business.

I didn't even try to feign ignorance.

"Edward and I had a situation/fight/thing, whatever you want to call it. I don't want to talk about it, Esme. I mean it. I love you, but I just don't want to."

"What about dinner tonight?" She asked without preamble.

"Shit." I'd totally forgotten about dinner at Rose and Emmett's house. "Shit, shit, shit."

"Yeah." She didn't move an inch, waiting for some kind of reply other than repeated expletives.

"I'll have to back out. I can't go like this." I bit my lip, trying to think of a good excuse. Would claiming Typhoid work? Maybe Mad Cow disease? Rubella?

"Go like what?"

"Feeling how I do right now." I shook my head. No, I needed to come up with something quickly. Dinner was six hours away.

"Kind of late to back out." Esme raised her eyebrows.

"Who's side are you on?" I scowled at her.

"Yours every time, honey." Her expression softened. "But that doesn't mean I'll go easy on you all the time either."

I blew my breath out and up so they fluttered my bangs over.

"I'll think about it." I said and turned towards my work, signaling that I was done discussing this.

"Alright, well, I'll only say one more thing then, Everyone is going because of you, Alice and Jasper are going for you, as am I, and Carlisle is going for Edward, who is also going for you. This dinner is for you and Edward."

I looked up at her stoically.

"Okay, okay, I'm leaving now." She held up her hands in surrender.

I worked through the afternoon trying to block out Esme's words, but they were harder to ignore than they should've been. It was true, this dinner was set up by me because Alice wanted to get a look at Edward. And it would be unfair to Rose, who had gone to all the work of putting it together for me to cancel this late. I knew I had no choice but to go.

I closed down my computer at five o'clock, and began walking down to the main lobby. I saw Edward standing at the main desk talking to Lauren.

I froze.

He looked up and saw me standing outside the bank of elevators.

"Bella." He said softly, walking towards me.

I took a deep breath. "Edward."

"You haven't returned any of my calls." he came to a stop in front of me.

"No, I haven't."

"It seems a little unfair for you to just quit without really talking to me about this." His eyes were slightly hard.

"I spoke to you Sunday night." I reminded him, returning his gaze.

"Barely, and I had to practically force you to."

"Well, this isn't the time or place to have this discussion either." I started to brush passed him, but he caught my hand.

"Are you going to be at the McCarty's tonight?"

"Yes." I said pulling away from him and walking out through the front glass doors. I could feel Lauren watching me with unconcealed curiosity, but I tried to keep my eyes forward.

I kept my pace steady and even so that I didn't break out into a run like I wanted to, to get away from him. I wanted to sprint as fast as I could, because what I really wanted was to curl into his chest and breathe in that delicious lemon and smoky scent of him, tell him that I didn't care about anything but being with him, and that if I could, I'd stay with him forever because I was so in love with him, it was choking me, squeezing my heart so tightly it felt like it could kill me.

So I walked briskly away to survive.

I fastened a drop earring on as Alice came through my bedroom door at 6:40.

"You look pretty." I told her looking at her through the reflection of the mirror I was using. She was wearing smoky blue short-sleeved sweater with a scoop neck, charcoal cigarette slacks, and black stilettos.

"Thanks, you do too." She looked at my form-fitting cider-colored sweater dress with three-quarter length sleeves, and caramel toned knee-high flat boots. I'd pulled my hair into a loose pony-tail and kept my make-up light.

"What's up?" I asked her as as I applied a neutral-toned lip gloss.

"I just wanted to see if you were okay going tonight."

I was really impressed with how calm Alice was being with my situation. She'd normally be bouncing off the walls, asking questions, and digging for information, but she'd been blessedly sensitive and easy about my feelings.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. You okay with Jazz, after this weekend and all?" I picked up my carmel hobo bag, and followed her out to the living room. We were going to go in Alice's car, and pick up Jasper on the way.

"Yes, I'm fine." She said firmly, locking the front door behind us as we made our way down the garage entrance to the underground parking. "Jasper hasn't done anything wrong, in fact, he gave me an amazingly romantic weekend, I just assumed it was because he wanted to ask me to marry him, that's on me. So yes, I'm okay, I just need to keep reminding myself that not everyone moves at the same emotional pace as I do."

I put my arm around her shoulders and squeezed before moving around her little BMW to the passenger's side. "I'm really proud of you, Alice. I know this is hard for you, but you're being really understanding and mature about it."

"Thanks, buddy." She gave me that wan smile again, and started the engine.

Jasper was completely normal as we drove to the McCarty's, he chattered about some of the things he and Alice did in San Diego and how he really wanted to go to San Francisco next to go on the tour for Alcatraz. Alice to her absolute credit, didn't miss a beat, speaking up to insert her own opinions on the sights they'd gone to, and how she'd also really enjoy a trip to San Francisco.

We pulled up to the main gate and around Rose and Emmett's expansive drive to their front door. I tried to quell the nerves in my stomach, but they swam uneasily. How was I going to possibly act normal around everyone with Edward right there, reminding me of how miserable I was? I had no idea.

Emmett answered the door when we'd rung the bell, pulling me into a boisterous hug as well as Alice, and shook Jasper's hand as if they were great friends. To my pleasant surprise, Jasper seemed equally happy to see Emmett. He must have really been impressed by Emmett's facer to Jacob.

"Everyone is in the parlor, except Rose, she's in the kitchen grabbing drinks." Emmett directed us toward the front room.

I edged back and towards the kitchen. "I'll just say hi to Rose and see if I can help her at all." Because I really want to avoid this situation as long as possible, I thought.

"Oh ok, thanks Bella." Emmett smiled and followed Alice and Jasper in the opposite direction.

_Chicken_, I closed my eyes and walked through the door into the brightly lit kitchen.

"Bella! Hi!" Rose, beautiful as ever in a deep aqua sheath dress, was competently making martini's.

"Hi Rose, can I help you with those?" I smiled.

"Sure, I'm just about done, why don't you take those on out." She gestured towards three glasses, two were dirty with olives, the other had a lemon twist.

Not the job I was hoping for, but I didn't know how to politely refuse, so I just nodded with my plastic smile and set my bag on the bar stool so I could carry the glasses.

"You okay, Bella?" Rose shot me a quizzical look.

"Yeah, Edward and I just had a ...thing. It just feels a little awkward is all." I tried to downplay it without totally lying to her.

"Ah, I see, well how about I take those out and you finish these. That one is straight up, I need to grab two beers and of course whatever you and Alice want, I'm assuming the Jasper will just take a beer."

I smiled gratefully. "Sure, and you're right, Jasper would like a beer. Thanks Rose."

She leaned over and pecked my cheek in a completely sisterly way. "Don't mention it. Does Emmett need to kick some ass again? I always like it when he does." She grinned wickedly.

I laughed my first real laugh in days. "I'll let you know if he does."

She pouted lightly, "Alright. Holler if you need help carrying those out.

I finished getting the drinks ready, pouring both Alice and myself healthy glasses of Riesling.

I downed half of mine before refilling it and promising myself that I'd go slow the rest of the night. With my arms full, I walked out into the parlor.

"Here Bella, let me help you." Carlisle jumped up from his seat next to Esme on the dark brown couch and took a martini, handing it Esme, and the beers, distributing those to Jasper and Edward, who were standing with Emmett by the fireplace. Edward was watching me blatantly, but didn't say anything.

"Thanks Carlisle." I smiled warmly at him, he was just as charming and handsome as before. I gave Alice her glass of Riesling.

"Have you met before?" Edward asked suddenly.

Oh crap, I could see the train wreck that was about to go down.

"Who, son?" Carlisle returned to his place with Esme who smiled lightly at me. She placed her hand on Carlisle's knee.

"You and Bella." Edward's gaze narrowed as if he were trying to figure out something that had been kept from him. Was that a look of...jealousy, on his face?

"Oh, well yes, we met last weekend, at my house. She came with Esme to a get together I had." Carlisle was oblivious to the heightened tension that filled the room.

"One of your get togethers?" Edward asked quietly, his words slow and enunciated as he locked his eyes on mine and tilted his head.

"Yes, the one I told you I was having."

"Interesting. Bella, a word please." His voice a velvet caress that was coated with ice. This was not a request, but a command.

Oh, shit.

**Please Review!:)**


	11. Chapter 11

**I know this is kind of a shorty, I apologize, but there is a lot that happens in this chapter, so at least there's quality, if not quantity:) (I hope you think it's quality at least) **

**Chapter 11**

_**I keep looking for something I can't get**_

_**broken hearts all around me,**_

_**and I don't see an easy way to get out of this.**_

I prepared myself to go with Edward to whatever room he wanted to have his 'word' in, but before I could open my mouth, Rose jumped in.

"Actually, dinner is ready, why don't we head into the dining room?" Her smile was bright and cheerful.

I wanted to hug her in gratitude. It looked bad, very bad that I had just jumped down Edward's throat a few days ago for going to a sex party, only to have him find out that I went to one as well. Of course, I was there for a total of ten minutes and I didn't do anything but he didn't know that.

Dinner was torturously slow. I wanted to act as if nothing was weird, but acting is not one of my strong suits. Thankfully, conversation flowed around us anyway. It seemed that Edward and I were the only one's not speaking, even Alice and Jasper kept up steady dialogue.

I was trying to swallow my fruit parfait dessert and figure out a way to get the hell out of there when Carlisle turned his attention on me.

"Bella, Esme tells me that you are well acquainted with the Quileute tribe. I know a number of them as my partner is Quileute. Do you know Dr. Cameron Uley?"

I almost choked on a blueberry.

"Yes I, uh do." His son is Jake's best friend, Sam. He is exactly like Jake.

"So I'm sure you've met his son, Sam, he always came into the office with, oh what is his name...Jacob. Yes, that was it. Do you know them as well?" Carlisle's face showed nothing but genuine interest. Little did he know he was touching on one of the worst decisions of my life.

"I know them as well," Hell, this night was already going so well, might as well just keep it in that direction. "Jake and I dated for a quite a long time."

"Oh really? I didn't know that. I've only talked to him a few times, but Cameron has always spoken fondly of him." Carlisle smiled again and then looked at Esme who must have been giving him some kind of message under the table to shut up because his eyebrows drew together questioningly.

It was no small wonder that Dr. Uley liked Jake so much, he and Sam really were two peas in pod. And poor Carlisle, so nice himself, probably didn't realize what a bunch of assholes came from the Reservation. Of course, I'm not ignorant enough to think all Quiluetes are jerks, but Jake and Sam and their friends definitely are.

"Rose, dinner was really great, and I hate to eat and run, but I have some work to catch up on tonight." I stood up when it looked like everyone was finished eating.

"Sure, honey, don't even worry about it. Em would walk Bella out?" Rose gave me a sympathetic smile because she knew I was just trying to get out of there.

"Of course." Emmett stood up, but before he could leave the table, Edward stood up as well.

"I'll walk Bella out. I need to get going as well. Thanks for dinner guys." His voice was formal and edged with irritation.

"Actually, I rode with Alice and Jasper." I said realizing that I couldn't just leave, as I'd wanted to, I needed to wait for them.

"In that case, I'll drop you off on my way home, and let Alice and Jasper stay a bit longer." Edward rounded the table and took me by the arm, in what surely looked like a gentlemanly move. In reality, his fingers dug into my flesh.

"Oh well, uh, okay, see you at home, Alice. Esme, Carlisle." I nodded at them as I was led to the front door.

"Don't think you're getting away that easily, baby." Edward whispered with a note of steel.

"Don't call me 'baby'." I mutter.

He didn't speak until we were both in his car and we were driving down Rosalie and Emmett's street.

In fact, we didn't speak at all until I realized we weren't heading for my apartment.

"You missed the turn Edward, you've should've gone left two streets ago."

"We're not going to your place, we're going to mine." He gripped the wheel tightly as he spoke.

I straightened in my seat. It was one thing to hash it out on the way home or outside my apartment, but I didn't appreciate being kidnapped.

"Take me home, Edward, if you want to talk we can do it there." I say firmly.

"Only to have you throw me out when you've decided you're done talking? I don't think so, we go to my apartment this time."

"Listen buddy, I don't-"

"Have a choice", he interrupted me. "We're going to sort this out right the fuck now."

I clenched my teeth in anger. How dare he? High-handed measures were not the way to win me over. Not at all.

I looked out my window to the passing street lights in silence until we reached his building.

"Are you going to walk with me or am I going to have to carry you, because believe me, it doesn't make a difference to me either way." He looked at me with smoldering green eyes as soon as he cut the engine.

"I'll walk, but not because I'm afraid of your barbaric threats." I replied stiffly and stepped out of the car.

He led the way to the elevator and up to his apartment.

As soon as he unlatched his door and stepped inside, he whirled around, dragging me behind him and slamming the door shut.

"What in the world has gotten into you?" I finally yelled.

"You're what's gotten into me! And it's driving me fucking crazy! I haven't had a damn moment's peace since you sashayed your way into that stupid party a month ago." He dragged his hands through his hair and glared at me.

I threw my bag on the side table next to door instead of winging it at his perfect face.

"First of all, I didn't freaking sashay, and second of all, what the hell are you talking about?"

"What I'm talking about," He gritted his teeth as he set his wallet and keys next to my bag. "is that ever since I watched you walk in like sex personified, you won't leave me alone."

"Just a damn minute, I haven't been calling day and night, or showing up unexpectedly, or even sending you crazy texts messages, so don't make me out to be the loony stalker girl." I was royally pissed. I never ever wanted to be one of those girls who couldn't take a hint, so for him to make it sound like I was hanging around when he was trying to shake me was beyond insulting.

"That's not what I'm even talking about!" Edward stalked to his wet bar and poured two fingers of whiskey. "Oh! And speaking of parties, what the hell, Bella? You read me the riot act for going to one when you've done the same thing?"

"That was completely different," I defend myself as I grabbed his liquor with an angry jerk. "I was there ten minutes tops, I went with Esme, and I left after some guy tried to hit on me."

"What was his name?" Edward's eyes flashed as he practically bared his teeth.

"Who cares! I left, and ended up sleeping with you that night." I began pacing, tapping my fingernail agitatedly on the glass, my boots beating an rhythmic tattoo on the wooden floor.

"Damn right you did." He said quietly.

I sighed, tossed back the whiskey and set the glass down on the counter.

"Look, I know it seems hypocritical, but I promise, I was barely there. I met your dad, talked to this guy for maybe three minutes and left. That's it, that's the entire story. You on the other hand, are not so innocent."

"How do you know? I told you that it was all bullshit, but you believe the worst of me anyway." He stepped in front of me and blocked my path of pacing.

"You said Tanya was bullshit, that's all." I challenged.

"Well for the record then, it's all bullshit, I haven't been with anyone since I made love to you." He told me grabbing my shoulders.

"Since you fucked me, let's not pretty it up." I spat, it was best that neither he or I forgot what was really between us.

His hands tightened and his face shuttered clean of all expression.

"You want to know what if feels like for me to just merely fuck you without any emotion?" His voice was soft, but it was more potent than his yelling. "Trust me, you'd feel a difference."

I swallowed as hot desire curled enticingly in my stomach.

"No, I don't think that's necessary."

"Oh I think it is very necessary, you wouldn't mix them up again." His hands slid down to squeeze my rear end.

My heart rate started to speed up and I could feel my breath coming more quickly.

"That would not be a good idea." My body was now flush against his, his hardness pressed to my belly.

"I believe it would be, we wouldn't want there to be any confusion on your part as to what was between us." He leaned down and whispered in my ear.

"I ...I don't want to, I'd like for you to take me home." Geez, even I could hear the lack of conviction in my voice. My words said no, but my tone said, oh yes."

"No you don't, I can feel you Bella, and hear you. Your heart is pounding, your breathing heavily, and your body is like fire in my hands. You want me just as badly as I want you." His voice washed through me straight to my core.

"Edward..." I tried to form a coherent sentence, but nothing would work, not my brain or my mouth."

"I just need to hear you say one little word, baby. Come on, we'll both feel better when this is over." Liquid sex, that was the only thing to describe his tone.

"...yes." I moaned as his hands continued to kneed my ass, and his breath floated against my neck.

A split second later his mouth crashed down to mine and devoured me. I tried to wrap my arms around his neck but just as quickly, he whipped me around so that my back was to his front. He bent me, just shy of roughly, over the back of his couch. My breath whooshed out in surprise and unbridled lust. This was happening. Right now, Edward was about to ravish me. Excitement shot through my system like a rocket.

Edward yanked the skirt of my dress up and slid his fingers inside my black lace thong.

"What's this?" He snapped the top of my thong so that it slapped back against my skin.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were anticipating this." He said through clenched teeth before grabbing a handful of the fabric and ripping my them off entirely.

My reply was a dazed grunt.

"You're so wet, baby." He told me unnecessarily as he placed his long fingers back on me. Oh, I'd forgotten just how he could make my body sing with a touch.

I tried to gain back a modicum of control.

"Are you going to fuck me or are we just going to talk about it."

A moment later, I felt a none to gentle smack on my right ass cheek. I couldn't suppress the moan from escaping through my lips.

"Such language, Bella. Where did you get such a mouth?"

"Must have picked it up from a guy I know." My voice wasn't quite as strong as I wanted it to be. It was too breathy, too excited. It revealed how much I enjoyed this.

Smack.

I ground against his left hand that was rubbing between my legs mercilessly. I was going to explode if he kept this up.

"You like that don't you, baby, you like it when I spank that perfect ass of yours."

Smack.

"Yes..." I moaned again.

"Are you going to come all over my hand, Bella? Are you close? I know you are. You're fucking my hand so hard right now."

Smack.

And I came and came and came with an intensity that almost made the room look fuzzy. As soon as my orgasm waned and I started to slump against the sofa, he gripped my hips and plunged into me.

Again I gasped, and heard him groan deeply.

"Yessss." he breathed against my ear.

"I love your pussy baby, it's always so wet and tight. I just want to be inside you all the fucking time." Each thrust was deliciously deep, his body pinning mine. He slid one of those wicked hands around and pinched my clit firmly.

"Better hold on baby, this won't take long."

Oh sweet heavens. I could feel myself gush around him as his words seeped through to my brain.

I clenched my hands around the cushion in front of me as Edward stood up and began pumping in and out of me with fervor. It felt so exquisite, I didn't want it to ever end. I tried to keep my moaning low, embarrassed by his affect on me, but he would have none of it.

"Don't you dare hold that shit in baby, I want to fucking hear what I do to you." He grunted, picking up the pace of his thrusts.

"Ohhhhhh uhhhh!" It pushed through my lips as both of our moans and grunts filled the room.

"I'm so close, are you?" he asked breathlessly.

"Yes, oh gah, yes." I babbled, trying to push back into him. "Edward!"

"Give it to me then, I want to feel you go." Again, he pinched my clit hard and I screamed as I came around him. He followed me a second later, yelling my name and obscenities.

I laid there on the stool, completely unable to move as he pulled out of me.

"Come on baby" he lifted me up in his arms and carried me to his bedroom. I was out by the time my head hit his pillow.

I woke in the dark to the faint, but unmistakable ding of my cell phone text alert. Disoriented and groggy, I turned over to see Edward's sleeping face next to mine.

I sucked in a breath as I tried to quietly ease away from him. Naked, I crept downstairs to my purse that sat on the side table where I'd flung it earlier.

_R U OK? Where R U?_

Alice.

Shit.

I squinted at the clock that ticked rhythmically on the wall. 2:17 a.m.

Trying to be as quiet as possible, I sent her back a quick message assuring her I was fine and would be home in a little bit.

I tiptoed back upstairs and searched around the room for my clothes, realizing once again, Edward had destroyed another pair of underwear. I slipped my bra back on and pulled my dress over my head. On the hunt for boots, I looked up and finally noticed that Edward was watching me steadily from the bed.

"Leaving?" He asked flatly.

"Yes."

"You weren't going to wake me." It wasn't a question, but a statement.

"No." Why deny it?

He shook his head and got out of bed. He pulled on a pair of jeans without bothering with underwear.

"So you're just done? Done with us, this, everything?"

"I think it's best, don't you?" I sat down on the chair to pull my boots on.

"No, I don't, as a matter of fact."

"We hardly know each other really, and being together only causes drama and stress, so it would probably be better to just cut our losses." I say trying to keep my voice reasonable.

"We're getting to know each other, and the only drama and stress is coming from _you!_ I don't know what the hell is going on most the time. You're hot, then cold, and you won't tell me why? How the fuck am I supposed to keep up?" He ran his hands through his hair and looked at me with frustration.

"I don't trust you." I told him finally. "I don't trust this, we've got a relationship based soley on sex and little else, what am I supposed to think. You call me only for the weekends and when we are together, all we do is screw each other's brains out."

"First of all, I'm not going to apologize for being so attracted to you I can hardly see straight and therefore, can't keep my hands off you. Second of all, we are building a relationship, it's not going to be here overnight, it's going to take work. And thirdly, bullshit. Something else is going on and you won't tell me, so just _tell _me damnit."

I huffed, as I paced the room. How could I explain to him what I could barely understand myself. It's true I don't trust him, but more than that, I don't trust me, not after Jake.

"Why bother?"

"Because I'm fucking falling in love with you."

I sat down heavily in his armchair and stared at him dazedly. I must have heard him wrong. Surely I heard him wrong, no way did he just tell me that he was falling in love with me.

"Don't look so stunned." He glared at me as he grabbed a cigarette from the pack on his bedside table.

"You can't be in love with me, you...you don't even know me."

He blew out a puff of smoke. "I know how I feel."

His eyes grew colder as I stared at him dumbly.

"Edward-"

"I'll take you home now if that's what you want." He stalked out of the room and down the stairs, while I sat unmoving and stunned.

Impossible, it was just too _impossible_. There's no way he could love me. Yet I felt the undeniable thrill at his words.

Trying to form coherent thoughts, I slowly made my way after him.

Now donning the t-shirt he'd flung off earlier he stood next to the window and stared blindly out into the night as he sucked on his cigarette. His eyes flitted to mine, hard green eyes that were anything but loving as I made my way towards him.

"Edward," I tried again, putting a hand lightly on his arm. "I-"

"You might not want to touch me just now." His voice was low and husky, and maybe a little desperate.

"Yes, I do." I gripped his sleeve and moved more squarely in front of him. "I'm not going to pretend that I'm not shocked by what...you've told me."

"That I love you." He supplied icily as he started to turn away.

"Yes, that you love me. I didn't expect it at all. In fact, I thought that all you were really looking for from me was the physical, not emotional."

"Why would you think that?" He all but exploded. "What have I done to make you think that I want to use you for sex and nothing more? It's like you and I are in two completely different relationships with each other!"

"You're right." I cut off his rant, searching for the calm that seemed to elude me. "It appears that we are looking at this from very different places, and I'll take the blame for mine.

"I don't want you to 'take the blame'" he turned and jammed his cigarette into the ashtray dish on the little coffee table beside us.

"Then what do you want, Edward?" Frustration filled my voice. I felt off balance, confused, and uncertain of what to do. I was trying to be level-headed and understanding, but it only seemed to make him more angry with me.

"I want honesty from you, I don't want you to hold back. Just tell me what you feel!" He gripped my shoulders, his fingers digging desperately into my arms.

"I don't know what I feel!" I yelled back. "I'm scared, and unsure, and elated that you ..." I stopped before I revealed what I told myself I'd never tell him. It would give him too much power over me.

"That I?" He tipped my face up firmly with his thumb and forefinger at my chin. "No games, Bella."

His eyes pierced mine sharply. "No pretenses, no facades, no clever words. Say it plainly and mean what you say."

"I'm elated that you would love me when I love you too." I whispered. "I don't feel like I know enough about you to love you, that you know enough about me. I don't trust myself anymore, and I don't even know if I trust you, but somehow...somehow I love you too.

A tear slipped down my cheek as I kept my gaze locked on him. His eyes softened by degrees as I spoke. He gently swept a thumb over my cheekbone, wiping the tear away.

Leaning down so that his forehead rested on mine, he took a deep breath and stroked my face with his fingertips. "It _is _enough. For now."

**Good? Bad? Let me know!**


	12. Chapter 12

A/N- Wow, I uh, don't know what to say (kicks ground with shoe and looks around sheepishly.) I haven't posted anything in like six months….however I have a really good excuse believe it or not…I gave birth to twins. No joke, I really did, so I've been super busy figuring out how to be a mom, thus, other things had to take a backseat. So in the few and I do mean few snatches of free time that I had, I tried to write this chapter. I wish it would have been a super exciting chapter, but a lot of it is set up to move the plot along. So stay with me, I'll try and get things rolling here again soon. For those of you spare few who have stuck it out with me from the start, much love, lots of hugs and kisses and a boat load of appreciation!

**Chapter 12  
**  
**In your eyes, the light the heat,**

**In your eyes, I am complete**

**In your eyes, I see the doorway to a thousand churches,**

**In your eyes, the resolution of all the fruitless searches.**

"Stay with me, stay tonight." He whispers laying both hands on my cheeks.

I close my eyes and try to think, but thinking is impossible. What is this power that he holds over me? It's impenetrable. Undeniable.

"Bella," he drops gentle kisses on my forehead, nose, cheeks, lips. "Stay."

Melting into him, I'm unable to deny him anything. I offer up my mouth and he captures it with his own deepening the kiss till we're both drowning in it.

"There's so much more we need to talk about." I try one last time for logic.

"Later. I need to touch you now."

Seduction has never been so drugging, my mind clouds and I'm lost in him.

"Edward." I sigh.

I wrap my arms around his neck and to my surprise and awe, he sweeps me up and carries me back to the bedroom.

He sets me down beside his bed and pulls me tightly to him. This was missing from before, he would show me tenderness but I didn't know the emotion behind them, it was always kept at bay. Now, it poured out of him, lapsing over me in endless waves.

"Bella." He whispers softly. "Sit down so I can take your boots off."

Dazed, I sit on the edge of the bed and watch as he pulls one and then the other boot off my feet with such care. He caresses the arch of my foot, kneading the muscle and kisses the inside of my ankle. My breath catches and instead of looking at me with a smirk on his lips, there is only sweetness in his eyes.

Feather-light touches move up my legs as he lifts my dress to my hips and I ease up to allow him to pull it over my head. What is this magic between us? It's unreal, otherworldly even.

Still holding eye contact, he gently unclasps my bra and eases it over my shoulders to drop on the floor. He stands to take his shirt off.

"Don't." I say softly, "let me."

Without a word, he holds a hand out to me and I stand taking hold of it.

I run my hands underneath the hem of his shirt and lift it off and over his head. Kissing where I can feel his heart beating strongly, my fingers dance lightly over his stomach to the waistband of his jeans.

"I love your body." I tell him as seduced by this moment as if he were saying the words to me. "I love that you're strong, and a little wild, but you know exactly how to touch me, how to use this body to bring me the most amazing pleasure."

"Bella, love." Edward lifts his hands to my face and tilts my mouth to his for a kiss of impossible sweetness.

"I love your hands," I whisper. "They might be gentle or firm, but they are always sure and perfect."

I unzip his jeans slowly as I speak, and let them fall to the floor.

"If I could have imagined a perfect face, beautiful eyes, firm full lips, soft auburn hair, it would yours." I trail light kisses down his torso where he is hard and waiting.

"No," His voice rumbles low and husky from his chest. "Come here."

Again, he wraps his arms around me, our bodies were flush, skin to skin, heartbeat to heartbeat.

"Please...please."

I stare into his eyes, they are verdant and liquid, and they say what his mouth doesn't. Just us tonight, no one's pleasure over the other.

I pull his mouth to mine, drinking him in as he lowers us to the bed. It sighs with our weight just as everything inside of me sighs with this new intimacy.

Of their own volition, my legs cradle him as he slips inside of me. There are no fireworks, no explosions, just gorgeous, rolling pleasure.

"Edward." I breathe as he places kisses on my breasts as we rock together. "I love you."

He lifts his head and with eyes locked, he takes both my hands and gently grips them over my head.

"I love you, Bella." He echoes, breathless. I come as his words wash over me. With a soft moan, he quickly follows.

Edward rolls us on our sides, pulling slowly out of me and tucking us both tightly under his covers. I bury my head in his neck, unwilling to let him see how unsteady our lovemaking has made me.

"I didn't know it could feel like that." He tells me softly, gliding a hand over my hair, our legs tangled together.

I shake my head. "Me neither."

"Don't go, Bella. Don't go tonight." He lays his cheek on the top of my head and presses me to his chest.

"No, I won't." I whisper against his warm skin.

For I don't know how long, I listen to the comforting rhythm of his heartbeat. It lulls me to sleep, making me feel warm and reassured.

I hear the pop of speakers as an alarm clock sounds and a morning radio show blasts U2. I groan and burrow deeper under the covers. I'm tired and I hate U2. Then I realize I'm not in my own bed, I'm in Edward's and he is leaning over me to shut the stupid music off.

"Good morning." He snuggles close to me and folds me into his arms.

"Mmm" I murmur closing my eyes and breathing in the undiluted smell of him. I almost moan in appreciation.

"Let's stay in bed all day." His fingertips stroke my back.

"Ok." I purr, already falling back into a sleepy haze.

I can feel his chest rumble as he chuckles.

"That was easier than I thought it would be. You didn't even try to put up a fight about missing work."

My eyes pop open and I jump out of bed frantically.

"Work!" I croak, my voice still hoarse from sleep. I squint at the clock and take a breath of relief. I've still got two hours before I have to be in.

"Oh," I breathe in relief, "I totally forgot about work today."

"So that means no on the whole bed all day thing?"

I glance back over my shoulder, and Edward is sitting up with the sheet pooled around his waist. I nod feeling myself start to salivate.

"Are you sure?" He gives me a hopeful smile.

"You know I can't, we're swamped right now." I frown, but then smile at him. "Actually we could try something out we haven't done before."

"I refuse to be celibate." He replies without missing a beat.

"No!" I laugh, climbing back under the covers where it's warm. "A quickie."

Edward laughs as well.

"We've done the quickie, we just do that to warm up for the night."

"Maybe we should warm up for the day now, and then just get to the main event when I get off work tonight." I say nipping at his earlobe.

"Mmm, I like the way you think, Swan."

Work is impossibly long. I have to constantly remind myself to focus on what is in front of me instead of daydreaming about the perfection that was the night before with Edward.

I shoot a very sparse text to Alice assuring her that I am alright and stayed the night Edward on my way to the Baker building. She replies back that she is glad I am not dead in a ditch, and that she expects a full recounting of our night.

Esme catches my eye on the way in and raises an eyebrow in question. I just smile and mouth 'later' to her as keep heading towards my desk.

"Wow, the 'L' word." Esme sounds impressed as we finish our respective lunches later in the day.

"Mmmhmm" I sip the last of my coffee. "Shouldn't I be more crazy about this than I am? I've been completely neurotic about everything else up to this point, why isn't this totally freaking me out?"

"I have no idea, I'd be more than a little nuts right now, but yeah, you are remarkably calm considering the sex adonis you've been banging just proclaimed undying love."

I look at her amused by her description of Edward.

"That _is _Carlisle's son you're calling the sex adonis you know."

She smiles unabashedly. "I know."

"Oookay." I toss my coffee cup and pick up my handbag. "I need to get back upstairs and get this day over with so I can hurry up and get to the adonis."

"Well, I hope it goes fast for you then."

"Me too. Oh by the way how are things going with Carlisle, I meant to ask earlier."

"Great." she grins. "You don't even want to know the nickname I have for him."

"Guh! No I don't! You may not think of him as Edward's father, but I do, so keep it at least PG-13 for me, please."

"So I guess you don't want to know how big his- "

"Stop!" I plug my ears and start backing away.

"Bank account is. Geez Bella, get a grip." Esme smirks.

I give her a look before heading towards her office door.

"He also goes down on me like a dream!" Esme says in a rush.

I freeze and then let out a shriek as her words truly sink in and the unavoidable image of Carlisle and Esme fills my mind.

"Ahhhh, no no no no!" I run for the elevator with the sound of Esme's loud laughter following me.

I make it to my desk half horrifed, half impressed. Seems the Cullen boys aren't lacking in the skill department. I can't stop the small giggle from escaping as my phone rings.

"Angela Weber's office."

"Hey Bella, there is a hot guy on his way up to see you." Lauren from the front desk informs me.

I can't stop a grin from splitting my face. Edward.

"Okay, thanks Lauren."

I hang up as the elevator door opens and my stomach drops as Jake steps out.

I must be hallucinating because he is the _last _person on Earth I expect to walk off that elevator.

"Hi Bella." He smiles and has the grace to look sheepish for dropping by completely out of the blue.

"Jacob?" I can barely get his name out as I stare in utter disbelief, and damnit I feel that tell-tell lump in my throat, he just has this innate ability to make me feel two inches tall.

"What are you doing here?"

"Yeah, I guess you must be surprised to see me." He again smiles meekly, which is totally freaking me out, because he never, I mean _never _looks meek, or acts in any way other than confident.

"Uh, very."

"Well I won't take up too much of your time I know you're at work, but I wanted to see if we could get together after you get off and grab a drink or something. I really need to talk to you about something."

I can't imagine what he could possibly have to discuss with me, and I'm sure my face expresses it.

"I don't think that's such a good idea Jake." I immediately think of Edward and how it would look for me to be getting drinks with another guy, and my ex-boyfriend no less.

"Please Bella, it's really important." He pleads quietly.

I gather up my gumption and remember that I am not his girlfriend anymore, I can do what I want and he has absolutely nothing to do with me or my life now.

"Why don't you just tell me what you need to talk to me about now, I have a few minutes before I need to get down to work."

I am completely mystified by his presence in my office.

"No it really is something that will take more than a few minutes, at least I hope it will."

"Jake, I'm sorry, I can't meet with you." I say hoping to sound firm.

"Damnit Bella!" He pounds my desk with his fist, making me jump in surprise. "Can't you just do as you told for one fucking minute?"

This is the Jake I know. The one who loses his temper at the drop of a hat, who turns on a dime from calm to turbulant rage.

My stomach flips and I feel a wave of anxiety wash over me, but I work to keep my voice steady.

"Jake, you need to leave. This is where I work, you can't come in here and make a scene."

He sneers, and points his finger at my face.

"I'll leave when I'm ready, I tried to be civil, but you just have to be difficult like always. You'll learn your place soon enough though."

With a final stony glare he turns and gets back into the elevator.

I close my eyes as he disappears behind the doors and take as many calming breaths as I can before I feel the prickly tension behind my nose and eyes that warn me I'm on the verge of a meltdown. I clench my teeth and will myself to get control.

With steely purpose, I pick up my phone and dial down to Lauren.

"Hey Bella." She answers after seeing my extention light up.

"Hi Lauren, could you do a favor for me please?" My voice is flat, but strong.

"Sure, what's up?"

"I need you to call security if you see that guy comes back in the building, the one that just came up to my office? He's not allowed in here anymore. Okay?"

"Okay.." Lauren says after a beat. "Should I have called them before? I thought it was okay to send him up, he said you'd be expecting him."

I sigh. "No I wasn't expecting him. He's an ex-boyfriend, who unfortunately, and inexplicably has decided to resurface."

"Ah."

"Yeah, so I need to get back to work, but if you could just make sure he's not allowed in anymore, I'd really appreciate it."

"No problem. Consider it done." She replies.

"Thanks. Bye Lauren." I hung up.

I force myself to plow through my tasks for the afternoon. I refuse to allow Jake to disrupt my work. This job is very important to me and I will not let him jeopardize it. When the clock finally lands on five p.m. I dutifully shut down my computer and prepare my desk for the next day, once that is finished, I call Alice.

Angela has already left for the afternoon, so I have full privacy in our office.

The phone rings and rings before shooting me to her voicemail. Gah, not what I wanted, but it'll have to do for now.

"Hey, it's me." I say once Alice's recorded voice tells me to leave a message after the beep. "I, uh, had an unexpected visitor today that I really kind of wanted to talk to you about, but I'll, um, tell you about it later I guess. It was Jake by the way, he just showed up at Baker. Crazy huh? Anyway, call me when you get this. Bye."

I hang up feeling dissatisfied. I really wanted to tell her about Jake's craziness. It would have made me feel a little better to share the story and have her commiserate with me.

Shaking it off, I grab my bag and head downstairs. As I exit the the building, I look around, half expecting to see Jake lurking about, fulfilling his "you'll learn your place soon enough" threat. Which by the way, what the hell does that mean? I am only met with light traffic and a cloudy spring day though.

Amused with my own wild imagination, I start my trek home. Jake may be a little nuts, and is undeniably bipolar, but he's really nothing more than a big bully, who I unfortunately allowed to bully me for too long. It only stopped when he broke up with me, which was truly sad, he had to break up with _me _for our atrocious relationship to be over. I should have dumped him a week after our first date, but instead I let myself be sucked into a completely toxic situation.

I could kick myself everytime I think about it.

I unlock our front door as my phone buzzes in my bag. I dig it out as I elbow the door shut behind me.

"Hey Alice, I-"

"What! Are you kidding me! Jacob showed up at your work? What did he say? What the hell was he doing there?" Alice's voice was so high-pitched I almost can't understand her words.

"Whoa, calm down, I don't know what his deal was, he waltzed off the elevator after lunch and asked me to get a drink with him after work. I said no, he got mad, told me I'd learn my place and stalked off like a bratty kid who didn't get his way. End of story." I summarized.

"No way that's the end of it. I want details!"

I sigh, and go through the entire situation again. I did want to talk to her about what happened, but more than analyze Jacob's weirdo visit, I want to ask Alice if I should tell Edward about it. Would it be better to tell him or is it a no big deal and I could forgo the embarrassment that is my past.

"Uh, I don't know because I haven't been reprised of the latest details in the Bella/Edward Saga. Spill the juice and I'll tell you whether you need to inform him of your ex-asshole's little visitation." Alice informed me.

So then I go through the events of last night, followed by which I had to pull the phone from my ear as she squealed loudly when I'd finished.

"Love, LOVE? He said 'love'? Actually used that word?"

"That's what I'm telling you." I smile smugly.

"Oh honey, I'm so happy for you and hell yes, you need to tell him about Jake, actually you need to explain the entire relationship, he needs to understand what happened there. It will only help him know why you feel the way you do about certain things."

"I...don't know." I wasn't quite sure I was ready to divulge my idiocy to him yet.

"Trust me, Bella." She advised softly.

I blow out my breath and make a face as I consider it.

"I'll think about it." I finally admit.

"Okay, well good luck, I know you'll do what you think is best. And like always, I want details." I could hear her smiling through the phone.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." I hang up at the sound of her laughing.

I peel off my work clothes as I call Edward's cell phone.

"Hey baby." He answers after a few rings.

"Hey! How is your day going?" I unhook my bra and search through a drawer for a comfy tank top.

"Any day that starts out with you is going to be a good one."

"That's sweet." I practically melt into the floor.

"Did I earn a few brownie points just then?"

"Definitely."

"Good, now I can cash them in when I ask what you're wearing." He had a grin in his voice.

"Ha, well." I look down and almost turn red at the thought of telling him just what I had on, which is basically nothing.

"Come on, now I'm really curious." His voice turned into liquid sex.

Perfect, I can't fight that voice, it's my kryptonite...actually, anything that has to do with Edward is my kryptonite.

Feeling totally self-conscious I swallow, and murmur my answer.

"What was that love, I couldn't hear you."

Butthole was enjoying making me squirm.

"I said, just a pair of red panties." Screw that elusive tank top, I grab a t-shirt and just pull it on and a pair of gym shorts.

"Nevermind, now I'm fully dressed!" I practically shout.

"Mmmm, why did you do that, I like imaging you on the phone with me in only a pair of panties." Edward purrs.

"I was just changing after work, I really wasn't trying to be kinky." I say beyond mortified.

"You don't have to try, you're just sexy baby."

Could he be any more wonderful?

"Well, in that case, what are _you _wearing?" I say slyly.

He laughs, "A t-shirt and jeans, I'm afraid nothing exciting, but since I'm at the bar, it's probably for the best, the customers aren't here for that kind of show."

"I would frequent Windsor to see that." I grin wickedly.

"You wouldn't have to, you get a private viewing." His voice dripping sex. I shiver envisioning his perfect body fitted to mine.

"Speaking of which, when do I get my private show?"

"If it were up to me, I'd be there now, but I need to stay until close tonight. Could I come by after, it's going to be pretty late, but at least this way you wouldn't have to wait at my place."

"Sure, just buzz when you get here, I'll let you in."

"Sounds good. See you about 1:30. And if you wouldn't mind being in just those red panties I'd appreciate it."

"Edward! Alice will be here, I can't just walk around in my underwear." I laugh

"What, girls don't do that when they are home alone?" he asks innocently.

"No, you pervert." I'm still laughing.

"Well that's disappointing to find out. Thanks for bursting my bubble." He sighs. "Alright, I better go. See you later. I love you Bella."

I want to drown in that one sentence, curl up in it like a blanket and bask in it for hours.

"I love you too, See you tonight." I echo.

The line disconnects and I sink down onto my bed. 1:30 can't get here soon enough.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N- No, your eyes are not deceiving you, I did just post an update! I've really been trying lately to keep up with my stories, I let a lot of time go before between updates, and I can't promise that I'll add chapters every single week, but I can definitely promise that I will do much better! So with that said, thanks everyone for reading! Kisses my loverlies!

**Chapter 13**

**And I wonder when I sing along with you**

**If everything will feel this real forever**

**If anything could feel this good again**

**The only thing I'll ever ask of you**

**You've got to promise not to stop when I say when**

I'm awakened around 2 a.m. by a buzz at the door, I stumble half asleep to the intercom.

"Lo" I mumble.

"Hey baby, it's me." Edward's voice washes over me.

Without a word, I buzz him in, unlock the door, and head back to my bed with eyes almost completely closed.

"Who is it?" Alice calls, voice thick with sleep from her room.

"Edward" I tell her and fall back into bed, hauling the covers over my head.

Before long, I hear the front door open and then shut along with the snick of the deadbolt locking. A second later, footsteps into my room and the whisper of fabric and then a jostle of the mattress as Edward slides up behind me.

"Hi." I immediately cuddle into him, lulled by his warmth and comforting scent and the safety I always feel when I'm near him. It seems like seconds later that I'm pulled from my sleep by warm caressing hands. They glide over my body, leaving trails of fire in their wake. "Mmmm" I'm already wet and aching for this man. "Bella." Edward groans. "Fuck, I want you, I've been dreaming of you all day, your eyes, your lips, your hips, your legs, I want them wrapped around me right now." He pulls me on top of him pressing urgent kisses on my mouth, my throat and trails down to my breasts where he captures a swollen nipple between his teeth. "Edward!" I hiss losing my mind under the sensations shooting through my body. I should wonder how I'm suddenly naked, but I'm too caught up in him that I don't even give it a second thought. He slides two fingers along the slit of my core and my hips buck automatically. "You are so ready baby," he lifts then lowers me quickly onto him. "Fuck!" He moans loudly. And I can't stop the earthy groan from escaping through my lips as well. His hands knead the flesh at my waist before sliding down and around to squeeze my ass firmly. I'm so crazy with desire, if I don't come soon, I know I'll die. "Please Edward!" The voice coming out of me doesn't even sound like me, it's deep and throaty. "Please what baby?" "I need you, I need to..." I bite my lip to cut of the wanton growl from escaping again. Alice is home and I can't be loud. "I know what you need." He whispers, his eyes almost black with passion. One of his hands slides behind me further and caressing between my cheeks, my breath hitches in anticipation. Edward's eyes are locked on me gauging me reaction. "More." I whisper. "More." He echoes and circles my entrance with a fingertip lightly. My breathing is uneven and I can barely shudder from the exquisiteness of what he's doing to my body. I slide my hands over my breasts and pinch both my nipples at the same time. "You're so fucking sexy, I'd fuck you every fucking day for the rest of my motherfucking life." He says through clenched teeth. I moan so loudly I know everyone in our building can hear me and my pace quickens as I race towards my completion. He bucks hard underneath me but keeps his finger in me gentle, eliciting the greatest balance of sensation. "Yes, Edward, fuck! I'm coming, I'm coming" My words are incoherant because my brain has short circuited, I am nothing but nerve endings riding out the best orgasm of my entire life. Edward roars underneath me as he comes hard inside of me. Exhausted and dazed I practically collapse on his chest. "That was...that was.." I try to find the words. "Yeah, it was." He strokes my back soothingly.

My eyes stay closed as I ease out of the most drugging deep sleep. I'm overly warm and pinned deliciously to my mattress. I slowly raise my eyelids to see Edward sprawled over me, his leg hooked over one of mine and an arm possessively holding me to his chest. His breath is warm and moist against my neck and goosebumps break out all over me at the sensation.

I try to slide out from under him, but he mumbles and tightens his hold.

"Darling," I purr softly.

"Mm" his voice is low and gravelly.

"Let me go and I'll start some coffee." I smile and kiss his forehead.

"Mmm" He wrinkles his brow and then I feel his arm loosen. "Kay".

He's too adorable for words and I want to stay and snuggle and do wicked things with him, but I know that if I don't make a run for it now, no one will be drinking coffee, and I desperately need some to get my day started.

I make my way to the kitchen and rummage in the freezer for coffee grounds. As the machine makes a popping, plopping noise while it brews, Alice wanders in, in a bathrobe and in the middle of a yawn.

"Morning." I say.

"Oh yes good morning." She smirks after sliding onto a kitchen stool.

"What?" I ask narrowing my eyes.

"Nothing." She feigns innocense. "You just must be having a very 'good morning'"

"'Scuse me?"

She shrugs.

"Alice?"

"All I'm going to say is you, Edward, sex noises, and three o'clock in the morning."

My face flames.

"Uh...huh?"

"Don't be embarrassed, sweetie, if I made those moans and groans at night, I'd be a very, VERY happy camper in the morning too."

Again, she smiles guilelessly.

"I'm not the only one in the world who had sex last night." I mutter while pouring coffee for both me and Edward.

"Not even close, I know Edward did too...unless you were making those sounds all by yourself and he just happen to sleep through- "

"Stop! Okay I get it. I'm loud. Sorry." I cringe and try to focus on, well, anything but Alice.

"Oh, don't apologize, my dear, I'm just saying...you know, _'good morning' _and all that..." Her smirk gets exponentially wider as she snags my coffee and sashays back to her room.

I frown, feeling bitter about my stolen coffee, but then sip the mug I poured for Edward and remember the exceptional sex I had last night and decide to be smug instead.

Be jealous Alice, be very jealous.

I take the coffee with me back into my bedroom and set it on the night stand.

"Wake up sleepy head." I whisper into Edward's ear.

"Ugh...no."

"Yes, it's morning, the sun is up and you should be too." I bite back a laugh as he barely opens one eye to glare at me.

"Says who?"

"Says me and..." I slide my hand down his chest and lower to greet a very happy morning riser. "someone else agrees with me."

"He's always been partial to mornings and I don't like be ganged up on." He groans and covers his head with a pillow.

"Well if that's how you feel," I sigh and pull the sheet that is barely covering him all the way off. "I guess you should go back to sleep while he and I enjoy the sunrise."

With that, I cover him with my mouth.

Edward tenses and yanks the pillow from his face.

"Bella..."

"Oh, are you going to join us?" I ask mockingly, while licking up and down his hardened dick.

"Shit!"

"Mmm"

"Don't stop...oh shit, right...SHIT!"

I inwardly smirk, while cupping his balls and taking him in as far as I can. Sucking, licking, and swirling my tongue to give him unending sensation.

"I'm going to...! Fuck!" He explodes inside of me. I drink him down, relishing in the fact that I made him lose control so quickly.

I sit up when he's finished and smile innocently.

"Coffee's on the nightstand." I lean over to grab it, take a quick sip and pass it to him.

"Thanks." He says weakly. "Did I mention I love you?"

"Not this morning." I laugh, making my way to the shower.

Cleaning up quickly, I turn the water off with a flick of my wrist and pull the curtain back to step out of the tub. Just as I'm tucking a towel around me, Edward walks in.

"Shower's free." I smile at him in complete contentment. This gorgeous man with a five o'clock shadow is mine all mine. Yum.

The corner of his mouth turns up in an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, something came up, and I've got to go. I didn't want to leave without saying bye." He tucks his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and hunches his shoulders a little.

"Oh, okay, something with the club?" I ask watching him while I cream lotion on my legs. The air becomes scented with citrus.

"I...no...it's something else, but anyway," he leans in and kisses my forehead. "I love you, I'll call you later."

Then he leaves, shutting the door behind him.

Uhhh, ok. Odd.

I stand there for a second, before going out into the hallway. Edward's already left, so I knock lightly on Alice's door.

"Hey." She opens it and then goes back to making her bed.

"Hey, Edward just left, and he was kind of weird about it. Did you hear anything while I was in the shower? Like a phone call or something?"

I feel slightly guilty asking Alice about this, like I'm digging around behind Edward's back, but I just wonder what was up with him. Maybe it's nothing at all.

"Hmm, I heard his phone ring and him talking, but I didn't really catch what he was saying." She shrugged and fluffed her purple throw pillows.

"Okay, no big deal, just thought I'd ask."

"Everything ok?"

"Yeah, yeah," I shake my head and smile. "it's fine."

I wander into my room and turn on some Ray LaMontaine while I dress for the day. It's Friday and my oh my, has it been a week. I shrug on a light trench coat over my black shirt dress and yell out to Alice that I'm leaving.

"Have a good day a work honey." She yells back from her room. I can hear her heels clicking on the floor and know that she's getting ready to take off for work as well.

"Thank you dear, and I expect a pot roast at six o'clock sharp when I get home." I holler back, picking up my tan satchel.

"Of course darling, I'll have a martini waiting as well!"

"That's right woman, know your place!" I laugh, and walk out into the front hall, shutting the door behind me.

The lobby is fairly empty for the beginning of the day, but it's the end of the work week so I assume some people have decided to take a long weekend. I wave at Esme before jumping on the elevator and riding up to my office.

"Bella!"

Angela, looking frazzled, barrels at me as soon as the elevator doors slide open.

"Thank goodness you're here! I'm completely screwed!"

"And not in the good way?" I joke. Not a good time for jokes though, as Angela looks at me like I've lost my mind.

"No, not in the good way, I'm talking screwed as in up the ass with no lube!"

Whoa, most definitely not in the good way, Angela is never so graphic.

"Uh oh, what happened?" I set my bag on my desk and take off my jacket.

"Mike is booked for back to back interviews with the Seattle Times and the New York Times at 9 a.m. this morning, and he can't be left alone with the press for a second, a _second_! I have to lead a conference call about Charlotte Murphy's latest book with the London branch at 8:45 and then I have a lunch meeting with the local book stores to talk signings and advertisement, and on top of all that, we have seventeen books being released tomorrow, which means that I have to make sure they are completely, totally, and 100 percent ready by the end of the day. So please, please, _please _tell me you can handle Mike. He's disgusting and a pain in the ass and I know he inappropriately ogles you when he comes into the office, but I need you, I really need you today! I think I'm losing my mind!"

"Okay, breathe Angela, in annnnnnd out." I hold up my hands and breathe with her. "I can totally handle Mike, I'll call the Seattle Times interviewer, ply him with lots of coffee and a cheese Danish while Mike does the NYT interview and then switch and repeat. I will, as always, discourage his skeeviness. I will make sure he does not say anything unprintable. Your conference call will be a breeze, you know everything that needs to be discussed, and even if you didn't, it's all in the file on your desk that I put there yesterday afternoon. The local store owners love you, they always trip over themselves to accommodate our authors, and just remember to order an extra bottle of Riesling with the appetizers to grease your wheels. Now, we have been prepping for this major book release for months, _months_, so every little detail has been triple checked by the both of us. You will get through today, and it will be fine!" I placed my hands on her shoulders and turn her towards her office.

"Alright, it's," I glance at the clock. " 8:08, your call is in thirty-seven minutes, go sit at your desk, I'll bring in an extra cup of coffee and you can go over anything you want me to make sure Mike discusses today."

"Okay, okay, okay." Angela turns back towards her office door while taking deep breaths.

Wow, today should be interesting.

It proves to be while I wouldn't say the most exciting day of my life, more than I'd bargained for. Mike, true to form grabbed my ass not three, not four, but five times. He would have left with a black eye if he'd gone for number six. Fortunately though, his interviews came off charming and some how self-deprecating, _hallelujah_, and I was done dealing with him by noon.

By the time I got back to the office, Angela was leaving to meet the book store owners and asked me to join them. Lunch ended at two and then we came back to iron out any kinks for the book releases tomorrow.

Brain dead and with aching feet, I gathered my things to leave for the day at six. I dreamed vaguely of getting to see Edward sometime this evening but knew it would be a busy night for him so I tried not to hold out too much hope.

"I can't tell you how much I appreciate all the work you've been doing lately." Angela stops at my desk with her jacket and briefcase in hand.

"I'm happy to do it." And amazingly enough, I am. The work is long and can make you feel like your brain will start oozing out of your ears if you read another manuscript, but I love it, and I wouldn't want to do anything else.

"I'm glad to hear it, because I've been talking to the partners and they gave me the okay five minutes ago to offer you an editing position." Angela grinned.

"Uh what?" I sat back down in my chair and stared at her.

"Well, it's more of a combination of editing and coaxing high-maintenance writers into churning out works of art faster and then handing them over to us to sell." she laughed. "You are a hard worker, you are way over qualified to be my assistant, although, I'm going to miss the crap out of you when you leave, and you know your ass from your elbow when it comes to quality manuscripts. The notes you've left me on some of those abstracts I sent home with you are dead on."

"Wow... wow, thank you, yes, YES!" I jumped up and grabbed Angela and squeezed for all I was worth. "Thank you so much!"

She laughed and hugged me back, "You are welcome and you earned it. Now I'm going home to soak my feet and quite possibly my head too, but you should go out and celebrate, you are moving up the food chain my dear!"

With a final squeeze she let go of me and headed towards the elevator.

I sat back down in my chair and tried to absorb what she'd just told me. I'd wanted to be an editor at a publishing company for...well ever, and now it was finally happening.

I've got to tell Edward. I've got to tell Alice! Hot damn!

I grabbed up my things and jumped on the elevator already planning what I was going to wear to tell Edward the great news!

I called Alice on the way home and built up my surprise as I unlocked the front door. It swung open as soon as my key hit the deadbolt.

"Tell me now! What's the news? Are you pregnant? Did you win the lottery? Did Ed McMahon show up at your office today with a million dollar check from the Publishers Clearing House?" She jumped up and down with glee.

You know, there is a lot of things about my best friend that can get on one's nerves, she's pushy, she's bossy, she's pretty nosy and sometimes you think if she doesn't shut up, you'll have permanent brain damage, but if you want someone to love you unconditionally and rejoice when you rejoice, you just can't beat Alice Brandon.

"No, better!" I yell dropping my bag and jacket by the door and shutting it behind me.

"Better than Ed McMahon? This must be good!"

"I'm a fucking editor, baby!" I scream and she screams and it's so ridiculous. You would think we _had _won the lottery the way we are carrying on. I'm thrilled with my new position and because Alice loves me and knows that this is what I've always wanted, she's thrilled for me. I'm on cloud freaking nine!

"I've got to change and go tell Edward, he's going to be swamped tonight, but I just have to go tell him!" I let her go and make a dash to my room, whipping my clothes off.

"Put on my black leather cigarette pants, and that gray sweater with the black studded shoulder patches I bought you and you've never worn. It's adorable and it'll keep you warm too." She yells after me.

"Oh! And put on those black patent leather stilettoes with the pointed toes that you say pinch your feet." She comes barreling into my room and starts digging through my shoes.

"But they _do _pinch," I exclaim, while shimmying into her leather pants.

"Beauty is pain. Deal with it." Unsympathetically she tosses the shoes she's unearthed out of my closet at me.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, can you do something with my hair, while I shellac more eyeliner on?" I yank the sweater over my head and viciously tear the tags off where they dangle from the armpit. She's right of course, this sweater is freaking cute.

She pulls the sides of my hair up and back combs the top for volume. I dust some pink blush on and grudgingly wiggle my feet into those blasted heels.

"You look gorgeous, now go tell your man he can quit his day job and become your full time sex slave because his sugar mama just got promoted!"

I laugh hysterically because I can only imagine what kind of face he'd make if I said that to him.

"I love you, you're the best, best friend ever." I lean in and kiss Alice's cheek and give her a hug.

"Aw, get out of here, or I'll start blubbering all over you!" She hugs me back and then gives me a little shove towards the door.

By the time I make it to Winston's the place is hopping. I bob and weave through the cacophony of people and finally make it to the bar. Jax is the only one manning it, and he's mixing a gin and tonic.

"Hey Jax, where's the boss?" I lean in so he can hear me over the noise.

"Hey Bella, he left about thirty minutes ago, got some kind of emergency phone call or something." Jax hands off the cocktail and without missing a beat pulls two Heinekens and gives them to an older gentleman at his left.

"Oh okay, I'll give him a call, thanks." I make my way outside again, curious as to what kind of emergency could have called Edward away from the bar on one of his big nights of the week.

I hit his number in my phone and keep walking away from the noise and conversation around me so I can hear when he answers.

"Hello." he picks up.

"Hey handsome, where are you, I wanted to come see you at work and tell you some news I got today!"

"Uh, hey baby, that might not be such a good idea, we're really busy tonight, can I come by later, you know when things have cooled down around here?" He sounds nervous, which makes me uneasy.

I tilt my head and glance back at Winston's. "You're at work right now? It's too busy?"

"Yeah, I'm at work," he laughs lightly. "Where else would I be? Don't come by though, really, we are packed and I won't be able to really talk to you, and I want to give you my undivided attention."

"I see." I say feeling slightly ill knowing that he's 100 percent lying to me.

"Well just um, come by when you can, I guess." I sit down on the nearest bench and wonder what the hell is going on.

"Of course, thanks for understanding, I just don't want you to have to sit in a crowded bar alone and wait on me to finish working."

"Right, yeah, of course."

"Okay, I'll see you later tonight, oh wait, your news, it's good right?"

"Mmmhmmm, yeah it's good."

"Great, can't wait to hear it, love you."

I make some kind of non-committal noise and then hang up. Placing my phone carefully back in my bag, I sit there in the relative quiet, and all I can think is: what the fuck?


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Here we go again guys, I swear, I wasn't sure I'd be sending out another chapter so soon, but I must say I'm pleased as punch that I am. I've been so encouraged by your reviews and comments, thank you, seriously! Also, I went back and revised a few small details, they aren't major plot points, but in case anyone is interested, they're just a few small things that hopefully make this all flow a little better. Kisses to you my readers, you may be small, but you are MIGHTY!

**Chapter 14**

**Foolish heart, hear me calling**

**Stop before, you start falling**

**Foolish heart, you've been wrong before**

**Don't be wrong anymore.**

"What are you doing?"

I look up from my fortress of solitude, also known as the corner of the couch and dip another animal cracker into the jar of Nutella that I'm holding.

"Eating my emotions, what are you doing?"

Alice huffs and grabs the jar from me, and sets it on the counter.

I shrug and pull out the bowl of popcorn and Cheetos I've got stashed under my blanket.

"Stop it!" She tries to take that away as well, but I dodge her.

"Bella! You're going to blow up to be five hundred pounds if you keep shoving food down your throat like that." She taps her foot and crosses her arms.

"Okay. Could you move a little to the right, you're blocking the tv."

"No, I won't move, in fact..." she switches the old episode of _Saved by the Bell_ off with an indignant flick.

"I don't know why you're so huffy, _your _boyfriend isn't lying to you." I mutter.

"No he's not, but my best friend's boyfriend is, and instead of asking him why, she decides to eat us out of house and home, Bella I swear if you put one more cracker in your mouth, I'll deck you!"

"Geez, fine, here" I hand her the bowl which she snatches quickly.

"What is the _matter _with you? Why aren't you demanding to know what the hell he's up to?" She sits next to me, which is really, pretty brave of her because I haven't taken a shower since Friday and I'm wearing the same sweat pants and the 'it ain't easy being green' t-shirt I put on Saturday morning after Edward left -at the butt crack of dawn because he needed to "take care of a few things at work before they opened for a private function that afternoon".

He had barely made it here by four that morning as it was. He stripped down, slid into bed and then slid right back out a few hours later.

Nice seeing you, buddy, thanks for the cuddle time.

"I haven't asked him, oh-nosy-one, because I haven't seen him. He's been texting me excuses as to why he can't come by or hang out all weekend, even though I've yet to call and try to make plans."

"Ok, but still, why can't _you _call him? Funny thing about them cell phones, you can talk and have conversations on them as well as check the weather and ask Siri where to eat dinner."

"You're hilarious, you should go on the road." I get up irritably. "Look, I don't want to have the conversation on the phone. I'll deal with it, but please back off...and give me back my animal crackers."

She frowns at me, but pulls the bag from behind her where she thought I didn't see her hide it.

I didn't really want anymore food, in fact, I'm feeling fairly disgusting at the moment, but I don't want her to think she can boss me around either, so I take them with me to my room on principle.

I pass my mirror and take a good long look, it isn't pretty. Making a face, I turn back around and head to the shower. After a scalding hose down in the bathroom. I wrap my pink towel around me and pad back into my room. Edward is sitting on my bed looking sheepish.

"Edward's here!" Alice bellows from her room.

"Got it, thanks." I yell back rolling my eyes.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself," I close the door behind me and grab the brush off my dresser. Drops of water fall as I comb through the wet tangles.

"I'm sorry about this weekend, it probably seems like I've been blowing you off, but I promise, I haven't. It's just been really crazy."

"I don't think you've been blowing me off." I say carefully. "I think you've been lying."

He goes deathly pale.

"What?"

"Lying, you know, like not telling the truth." I supply, now rubbing lotion on my arms and legs.

"Why do you think I've been lying to you?" he runs a hand roughly through his hair.

Okay, we'll play this game, no problem.

"I know you have, because Friday night, I went to Winston's and you weren't there, even though you told me you were." I drop the towel and let him take a nice long look while I dig a pair of icy blue satin panties and a soft gray t-shirt out of my dresser and put them on.

"You went to the bar after I asked you not too?" His voice cracks.

I tilt my head and watched him curiously. This isn't quite how I pictured this conversation going, I thought he'd either confess immediately, or he'd get angry and slam out the door. Neither of those things were happening, instead he was sitting there, looking fairly guilty and fishing for information.

"I was already there when I called you, you had assumed that I wasn't."

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before blowing it out and gripping his hair with both hands. "Yes, I lied, I wasn't there when you called, and I've been...exaggerating the truth on more than one occasion this weekend, but there is a very good reason."

"Okay, I'm listening." I cross my arms and lean on my closet doors and wait.

"I can't tell you what it is." he licks his lips. "But I promise, it has nothing to do with you or us."

"Very reassuring. You expect me to be okay with that answer?"

"I don't expect it, but I hope it." He gets up and walks towards me. "I love you. So much. And I know that I'm asking a lot of you, but please, please can you trust me?"

He cups my face in his hands and kisses me lightly.

This all goes back to our conversation on trust... and while it feels very suspect to me, I don't want to jump to conclusions like before...even if he's making it very hard for me not to. And as much as my pride wants to say, 'there's the door, bucko, don't let it hit that sweet ass of yours on the way out', I don't. I'm invested now, I'd like to play this out a little bit longer.

He pulls me into him as I think through these things and his scent is surrounding me, delicious fucking smoke and lemons.

"Are you sleeping with someone else?"

"No, I promise I am not." He looks me straight in the eye.

"Are you going to give me an explanation soon?"

"I don't know, I want to tell you yes, because I know that's what you want to hear, but I just don't know sweetheart." He kisses my forehead.

"Can you give me _something_? Anything? I'm trying to work with you here, even though I'd kind of like to kick your ass." I finally say leaning my head onto his chest.

He squeezes me tighter.

"All I can tell you is that I would never do anything to hurt you. I would never cheat on you. And I would never lie to you if it weren't absolutely necessary."

I make a face. "That's not much." I punch him lightly in the ribs.

"How about I spend all night showing you how I feel about you?" He tilts my chin up and kisses me deeply.

"That depends on what you do to me." I say knowing that he's won. For now.

He laughs softly and pulls me towards the bed. "I bet I can come up with something."

"Fuuuuuuuuck!"

Seriously, I should really think about doing voice overs for porn, because I feel like I've been a freaking soundtrack of sex noises tonight. When that boy said he'd spend all night convincing me, he wasn't joking.

"Come on baby, give it to me, you're so close, I know it," his husky voice is whispering hotly in my ear as he pushes hard into me from behind. I'm on my knees, gripping the headboard in front of me while he palms my breasts.

He's right too, I am so freaking close if I blink, I'll fall over the edge into sweet, sweet bliss. But I don't want to yet, I want to sustain this beautiful torture, and I want to make him suffer too because I know he won't cum until I do. He may not be able to tell me where he goes when he's not with me, but when he's here, inside of me, I get to maintain a little control.

A low moan rumbles in my chest as he pulls me back against him and I'm moving up and down on his lap. One of his hands slides down and grips my hip, pushing me harder onto his cock.

"I know what you're doing." he licks the shell of my ear, and I grit my teeth to hold it together. "It won't work, I can make you scream, my love. I can make you _beg_."

Fuckity fuck fuck FUCK!

_Lock it down_, _Swan_! I coach myself.

The sweat is sliding down both of our naked bodies and mixing together to drench my sheets. It should be thoroughly disgusting, but for some reason it's so fucking sexy, I have to stop thinking about it so that I don't trip off the edge.

He starts to slow down his thrusts, but still pushes himself to the hilt, caressing that sweet spot inside of me. It makes me quiver every time he hits it.

"What makes you think I can't make _you _beg for it?" I ask him, feigning more confidence than I actually have. It's all I can do not to detonate all over him.

"Oh you can, baby. I was ready to beg when you dropped that little pink towel tonight, I swear I caught a whiff of your sweet pussy and about dropped to my knees. But nobody," He punctuates with a swift, hard thrust, "touches you like I do, no one makes you feel like you're going to lose your mind like I do."

Shit! Don't think about what he just said, don't think about how hot he looks with his eyes bright, and his face flushed from exertion and his hair wild from my hands running through it!

SHIT!

He wraps a hand lightly around my throat, not even squeezing, just placing it there on that vulnerable part of me and picks up his pace, and nibbles my jaw.

"I lose my mind every time I bury my dick inside you, I think I'm going crazy each time you make me cum, it doesn't matter how you do it, hands, lips, pussy, it just matters that you're the one doing it to me, it makes me fucking insane baby, so. fucking. insane." He growls

The noise that comes out of me doesn't even sound human. I want to contain it, but I can't, I can't fight it as I explode around him and he's groaning behind me as he shoots his seed deep into me.

"Oh my gaaa..." I can't finish my sentence, I can barely breathe, let alone talk. I'm light-headed, I swear I see spots and I think my body is going to melt into my bed.

I lean my cheek on my hand that grips my headboard again and focus on sucking air in and letting it back out. Edward is softly kissing my back and shoulders.

"Are you ok, sweetheart?" He asks running his hands gently over my body.

I turn around and wrap my arms around his neck, breathing him in. "Yeah" I whisper.

He lays us down and I notice that the sky is beginning to lighten outside.

His heart beats loudly in his chest beneath my head as he strokes my hair.

"Please don't break my heart." I whisper so quietly I'm not even sure he can hear me.

"Never." He breathes, pulling me even tighter against him.

The meeting at work that I'm currently sitting through is almost over, at least I sincerely pray that it is. I downed three, yes three caramel macchiatos in a desperate attempt to stay alert all day. Edward's 'convincing' lasted until I had to finally threaten bodily harm if he didn't let me dress in peace and then hustle it to Baker's at 7: 48 a.m. I'm currently buzzed as hell on caffeine and need to pee so bad I think my eyeballs are floating.

"Okay, I think that's about it, thank you everyone." Mr. Peters, one of the partners, wraps up and _thank goodness_, people start getting up to leave.

"Oh Ms. Swan, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Spoke too soon.

"Of course Mr. Peters." I try not to cross my legs as I stand up and make my way over to him.

"I just wanted to congratulate you on your promotion, and give you these." He hands me a box full of papers. "New authors' manuscripts. Go through them, see what catches your eye and discuss with Angela. They will be your authors, but for this first batch, we thought it best to bounce your ideas off someone whose been through it. Good luck."

"Oh uh okay, of course. Thank you." I take the box, it weighs about a million pounds and I try to carry it out and not wet my pants at the same time. I barely drop it on my desk and make a beeline for the bathroom.

Angela is sitting at my desk chair when I come back.

"You know I was thinking, this just isn't going to cut it anymore."

"What do you mean?" I say confused.

"I mean, a real editor needs a real office, besides, I'm kicking you out so that my new secretary can sit here." She smiles at me.

"Where's my office going to be?" I try to maintain some professionalism, but I won't lie, I'm completely excited to have my own office, like it verifies that I've truly become an adult. I know that's stupid, but I can't help it. I try not to imagine my reaction when they tell me I've got my own extension and fax number.

"It just so happens to be Charlotte's old office. And you will be pleased to know, there's a window." She leads me back from the little lobby on our floor to the opposite hallway and down three doors.

"I don't care if it's a closet with coats still hanging in it, it's my own office!"

She laughs and ushers me inside.

It's way better than a closet, it's about 8x8 feet and actually has a huge window. There's a desk in front of the window with a computer and phone on top.

"Start moving in." Angela smiles. "Oh and don't forget to call down to Lauren. You need to get names and numbers to start interviewing for your own secretary."

"My own secretary?" I pause not having thought of that. "Is it strange that I feel a little like Melanie Griffith in Working Girl?"

Angela just laughs.

"I sure am going to miss having you right outside my door." She squeezes my hand and leaves.

It takes me two hours to get all my stuff moved to my office and set up how I want it. I call down to maintenance and let them know I need a filing cabinet when they have a minute and I'm about to call Lauren when she rings me instead.

"Hey! I was just about to call you."

"You were? What did you need?" She asks.

"I need the list of secretary interviewees." I think that's what they're called anyway.

"Oh ok, I'll email it to you, and I called _you _because I have a very lovely bouquet of flowers here with your name on it."

"You do?" I sit up surprised and pleased. "Okay, I'll, uh, just come down and get it."

"Okay, see you in a minute." She disconnects.

Odd, maybe Alice sent them, it certainly can't be Edward, I still haven't even told him about the promotion, unless he just sent them because he's still trying to suck up to me for lying.

In which case, smooth move, he should.

Lauren's right, the flowers are gorgeous. They are a thick spray of white and purple orchids mixed with pale green waxy leaves.

"Lucky girl." Lauren winks and turns back to her computer.

I laugh and take the white card off the holder and open it.

_You're still mine, no matter who you let touch you._

Whaaaaaaat?

**Ruh-roh!**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N- Ok, so a few of you are concerned with how Edward is treating Bella and that she is letting him. Now I understand that everyone reacts differently to certain situations, but this is how I'm having my Bella react to this one. It doesn't make her weak, it makes her human, she's trying to find her way in a relationship that isn't perfect, but for the time being, it's the one she wants to be in. **

**Okay, now with that said, I also want to touch on the concern about my revisions. Again, they changed none of the storyline, I promise, you do not need to go back and read previous chapters, unless of course you want to:) So please don't worry about that. I would not do that to you guys.**

**And finally to wrap up this slightly longer than normal a/n, I want to again thank everyone that is reading and has reviewed, I try to reply to them all, and I think for the most part I do, however, if I'm having mom-brain right now and forgot a few, I apologize. Thank you for joining me on this little literary adventure. Big hugs to you!**

**Chapter 15 **

**Hold on, hold on to yourself **

**Cause this is going to hurt like hell **

**Hold on, hold on to yourself**

**Know that only time will tell.**

"Lauren, did you see who brought these in?" I try to keep my voice normal, but I can't seem to control the tremor that runs through it.

"Um, just the delivery guy from that shop over on 32nd street." She doesn't look up from her computer.

"Okay...okay, uh thanks." I pick the flowers up and carry them to the elevator.

It's got to be Jake.

Who else could it be? Last time I saw him he told me 'I'd learn my place'.

My place with him? Geez, this is just perfect.

I dump the flowers in the first trash bin I can find, but keep the card in my pocket. I grab my phone and dial Edward as soon as I get to my desk.

It rings and rings and rings.

"Come on! Come on!" I whisper and try again.

He finally picks up on my third attempt.

"Hey!" He sounds winded.

"Hey, uh, are you busy? I need to talk to you about something."

What I need is my boyfriend to make me not feel like I'm going to lose my shit, which I basically am anyway.

"Actually, I am kind of doing something at the moment, are you okay?" He sounds a little like he'd rather be doing anything else right now than talk to me. And I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.

"Yes, bodily, I'm fine." I tell him through barely controlled annoyance.

"Good, than can we talk about this later, I just...need to get back to...what I was doing."

"What are you doing?" I give him one last chance to redeem himself.

"I...can't..." he trails off. "Tell me..." I finish for him. "You can't tell me. Like before. When you wouldn't tell."

There's a beat of silence.

"Bella..." he starts.

"No! Just...no." I take a deep breath and ask myself why I always let this kind of shit happen to me. "Fuck it, I'm done, I am so done."

I hang up and there's a huge pit in my stomach, but it's not because I'm sad or feel sorry for myself, it's from blind rage.

"Motherfucker!" I yell, and thank goodness it's the end of the day and most everyone has cleared out because I'm pretty sure my bosses wouldn't appreciate my language at the office.

I gather up my things and storm downstairs. I make it home in record time because my shoes are eating up the sidewalk like its their job and they love it. My heart is racing, my blood is pumping and I don't think I've ever been this angry in my whole life. Not when Jacob would get pissed off at me for no reason, not when he broke up with me, not even when he fucking cheated on me. Geez, I thought he could make me upset, but never have I felt like this. I am shaking I am so mad.

I unlock the front door and then slam it shut behind me. Alice looks up in shock from her perch at the breakfast bar.

"Hey?" She looks confused.

"Hey." I start for my room and as I pass by her she turns on her stool.

"Rough day?"

"Yeah."

And I'm not in the mood to discuss it at the moment.

"Well, okay, then can I ask you about Edward, seeing that he stayed the night and all, I thought we were mad at him."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay, sure, it's just I don't get it is all and-"

"Alice, what part of I don't want to talk about it is so fucking difficult for you to understand, it's like I need a record to play on loop for you that just repeats over and over and over, 'I fucking don't want to fucking talk about it'" I slam my bedroom door and lock it with much vigor and satisfaction.

I fling my bag and briefcase on the floor in the corner and strip down to my panties. I yank on an oversized sweat shirt and fall back on my bed. Gripping my hair in my fists, I stare at the ceiling and at equal turns, imagine Jacob and Edward dying long painful deaths.

Twenty minutes later, I hear the front door open and Alice telling whoever is standing there that she's not going to knock on my door for all the money in Vegas and if they want to risk their head being chewed off then it's their funeral.

She's so dramatic.

Well, maybe not. I've never talked to her that way before, but geez, give a girl a break and leave her alone when she asks. I roll my eyes.

There's a knock on my door.

"Bella?"

Are you kidding me? It's Edward.

"Go away, asshole, and no, you cannot convince me you love me through multiple orgasms."

I'm so glad I locked that damn door.

"I know you're angry and I understand why."

"No, you really don't." I shake my head.

"Yes, I really do, and if you'll let me, I'll explain everything."

"Too late. Fuck you."

Why am I still even talking to him?

"Bella, please."

"No, no, and uh, no. Leave."

"You really should just go. She won't talk to you." I hear Alice again through the door.

"But-"

"Dude, seriously, I'm not joking, she's way more pissed than I have _ever _seen her, as in, _I'm _not even going to go near her again without a chair and a blow torch, so you should just leave. Now. And by the way, thanks for making the sweetest, most kind and generous girl I know completely heartbroken. You're a douche."

He must finally go because the apartment gets really quiet. I may have even scared Alice off too. Which makes me feel slightly guilty now that she's gotten rid of Edward for me.

I'll talk to her later, but first it's time to stop staring at the wall and do something about this clusterfuck.

I grab my cell phone and call Jacob. It goes directly to voicemail. I wait for the beep.

"Listen asshat, I got your flowers. Gee thanks, and let me remind you, _you _cheated on _me_, and _then _broke up with me, so this whole weird twilight zone scenario you've got going on in your head is really starting to get old. We are done, there is no more you and I together in any context, so stop being a controlling creeper jerk and leave me alone."

I disconnect and only feel minimally better. That should have been said in person followed by a hard kick in the balls.

Fuck! I'm still so freaking angry! I get up and start bouncing on the balls of my feet and pacing my room with pent up energy. My phone rings breaking me out of my Rocky dance. And oh how I hope, I pray, it's Jacob so I can blast him again.

It's Esme.

"Hello?"

"Honey, what's going on? I just got off the phone with Carlisle, who just talked to Edward. You guys broke up?"

"Yep, that covers it."

"Why? What happened?" She sounds really and truly upset.

"Well see, Edward is a lying sack of shit that only seems to have time for me when he wants to get off. He isn't interested in a real relationship based on honesty, love and trust, oh no no no, that's way too much effort. So we are done."

"Oh Bella-" She starts, but I cut her off.

"And you know what else?" I wave a finger in the air as I make my point. "I don't need him, I can deal with everything on my own, I can celebrate my promotion with anyone I damn well want to, it doesn't have to be him, hell no, and I can tell Jacob to stay away from me myself. He thinks he's so scary, threatening me, sending weirdo flower messages, but he's just a big dumb meathead who got pissed off that someone else was playing with the toy he threw away." I take a breath. I was winded. Ranting takes a lot of oxygen.

"Bella!" Esme says urgently. "Jacob is threatening you? When did this start? What has he said?"

"Doesn't matter and doesn't matter," I tell her. "I'm handling it. So tell Carlisle, to tell Edward, thanks for nothing, you seriously blow at being a boyfriend."

"Oh sweetheart, that's just the hurt and anger talking." Esme's quiet comfort does nothing to soothe me, it just fuels the fire.

"I would say you're wrong about the hurt, but right on track with the anger, and believe me, I'm going to just let it keep on talking."

"Honey, you should know why Edward has been so out of it lately, there really is a good reason."

"Oh so you know all about it, but I don't. That's just perfect." I swear the anger just bubbles higher.

"It's his mother, Bella." Esme says quietly.

"His mother is dead."

"No, not yet."

"He told me she was dead, that's why he went to live in government housing when he was a kid and then with Carlisle." What the hell is going on here?

"He thought she was dead, when she disappeared for so long, everyone really thought she was dead. She turned up six weeks ago."

"Six weeks? Edward's mother, whom he thought was dead all these years, just shows up on his doorstep four weeks ago and I haven't heard a fucking peep about it? Unreal."

"Bella, she showed up on Carlisle's doorstep, and Edward didn't know about it until four weeks ago." Esme keeps informing me in that sweet little voice of hers.

"Why would she go to Carlisle's?" I sit on the edge of my bed.

"Because Carlisle is her brother. He's Edward's biological uncle."

"I don't understand." I say dumbly sitting down on the edge of my bed.

"You need to talk to Edward, he wants to tell you everything and then you'll understand."

"I'll think about it."

Esme is quiet for a minute, "I really think the sooner you talk to him the better, Bella, he's really upset."

Is it terribly insensitive of me that I'm happy to hear that? Probably.

"I'll think about it." I repeat. "Thank you for trying to help, but I need to figure this out on my own."

"It's just that-"

"Bye Esme." I've had enough. If and when I'm ready to talk to Edward, I will.

She sighs. "Bye Bella."

I disconnect the call and lie back on my bed. How did this happen? I just wanted to get busy with someone to help me feel better about myself, to feel in control, feel like my life wasn't dictated by someone else's moods and whims. That I could fly off on my own whims.

Stupid fucking Edward with his mind-blowing body and mouth and hands and fingers and voice and...he just _would_ be the one I had sex with at that dumb party. It couldn't have been some dude that I could forget about ten minutes after I'd left. No, it had to be this incredibly charming, sexy, and interesting man.

Damn him.

My phone rings again. Blowing out my breath, I grab it without looking.

"Esme, I know you-"

"What is Jacob's last name?"

"What?!" I sit up.

"You heard me."

"That doesn't concern you, Edward."

"It should have concerned me before, but you didn't tell me about him."

I spluttered. "Excuse me, are you really going to get butt hurt because I didn't tell you something? Is that really going to be your argument platform right now?"

"I know that I should have told you about my mom, but it was a lot to deal with at first, but it wasn't information that could have kept me safe, you on the other hand, didn't speak up about something that should have been _reported to the police_, damnit Bella!" Edward's voice grew progressively louder.

"Don't yell at me, you will not make me feel bad about this! I tried to tell you about the stalker flowers today, but you were 'busy'".

"Okay, today I get, that's on me-"

"It's all on you!"

Someone starts knocking on my door.

"Oh my goodness, if that is you at the door, I will punch you in the face!" I practically scream.

I walk down the hall into the living room and start unlocking the front door.

"No Bella, stop, that's not me!" Edward's voice buzzes in my ear, but I barely hear it because Jacob is standing on the other side of my door, and he doesn't look happy.

"Who are you talking to?" He asks me. His voice isn't loud, but it's dark, and it shoots a shiver up my spine.

"Hello Jacob." I say loud enough for Edward to hear me and then I end the call. I don't want Jacob to know I'm speaking to Edward, I don't think it would bode well right now.

"Just my mom" I lie.

"Hmm, mind if I come in?" He walks in before I can reply.

"What are you doing here?" I straighten my back and look him in the eye. I am not the same girl who dated him before. I am stronger, I am meaner, and I don't have to put up with his bipolar bullshit.

"I came over because I got your phone message."

I look at him blankly for a second. I'm not sure how he could have taken that voicemail as an invitation to my house.

"Which part of it was confusing for you?"

"Now see, that's just it, I think you're the one who is confused. You. Are mine. Why do you insist upon denying it?"

"Did you hit your idiotic head? You left me, and I'm thrilled that you did! Seriously, is this a psychotic episode for you?" I stare at him incredulously.

"If it is, I'd be very careful about what I say to me then. You don't know what I might do!" He yells in my face.

I stumble back a few steps and put both of my hands up. "Jacob, calm down. Just explain to me then. I don't understand. You wanted to break up, I haven't heard anything from you in months and all of the sudden you are acting ...strangely." I try to say carefully.

"Ever since I saw you at that night club, dancing around all those men, it made me realize something."

"What's that?"

"You belong with _me_. What we had was right, you understood me like no one else." He starts walking towards me as I back away.

"No, I didn't understand you one bit, I was a punching bag for you, a door mat, I let you do whatever you wanted and told myself I was content with that. I won't do that again."

"Yes you will."

Before I can think, I say "You're out of your mind."

His hand comes flying so quickly at me that I barely have time to register its intent before he punches my cheek, and everything goes black.

"Come on sweetheart, open those big brown eyes."

That deep velvety voice soaks through my senses and I just want to bathe in it. But then I realize that my face feels like it's on fire, my head is pounding and my hip aches like a bitch in heat.

I groan in protest.

"No honey, come on, come on, that's it, all the way out." He whispers into my hair.

I slowly open my eyes, my left one only partially.

"Jacob." I grunt trying to get up.

"Gone," Edward tells me flatly. "Lie still, here."

He presses a cold pack gently on my abused cheek.

"What happened?"

"Maybe you can tell me." Edward's voice is soft, but the anger is evident. He continues to cradle me on his lap and keep the ice on my face.

"Jacob clocked me, that's the last thing I remember."

"Well then, Emmett and I must have just missed that, because by the time we got here, you were on the floor in a heap and that fucker was standing over you.

I only got in one good hit before Emmett dragged him off into the hallway. And I'm guessing by the sirens that were outside that one or both of them got taken away."

"Emmett may have gotten arrested?" I yell and sit up. "I need to call him, we may need to bail him out of jail!"

"I'm sure if he needs to be bailed, Rose can handle it. I'm more worried about you right now. How is your vision?" He holds up a finger and moves it slowly back and forth.

I swat it away.

"Stop that!"

"Bella, you need to take this seriously." He tells me firmly.

"I am fine." I stand up and the room spins sickeningly. "Whoa."

"Yeah." He sweeps me up in his arms and I try not to breathe in his scent. "I'm calling Carlisle."

"No, no, don't, I'm ok." I say as he lays me on the couch.

"Bella! Just let me take care of you for two seconds!" He yells and then sighs. "Please."

I shake my head, but give in. "Alright."

I lay back and close my eyes, my head really does hurt. Edward walks into the other room and I can hear him murmuring into the phone.

"He'll be here in a few minutes," Edward tells me when he comes back in.

"Okay."

It becomes awkwardly silent.

"Do you need anything, can I get you some tea or something?" He asks finally, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"No thank you."

After five minutes of more quiet, we both are relieved when there's a knock on the door. I pull the afghan from the couch onto my lap to cover my legs since I'm still in just my underwear and a sweatshirt.

Edward lets Carlisle in.

"Hey, I got here as soon as I could." He says coming around the corner to where I'm laying. "Bella." He tilts his head and breathes out my name.

Well, I must look like crap.

"Hey Carlisle, I tried to tell worry-wart over there that I'm fine." I jerk a thumb towards Edward. "But he just wouldn't listen."

"Yeah, that's probably because your face looks like someone used it for a medicine ball." He sits next to me and pulls a mini flashlight out of the black bag he's brought with him.

I smile weakly, what can I say, someone did.

"Look at my nose," he tells me and shines the light in my right eye, then my left. "Well there's good dilation and your pupils are equally sized. Have you experienced any dizziness? Are you light-headed?"

"A little dizzy, not much-" I begin.

"She could barely stand up." Edward informs him.

"I just stood up too fast." I glare at Edward.

"Light-headed?"

"No."

Edward purses his lips, but remains quiet.

"Alright, well I want you to take these," He hands me two hospital strength aspirins. "and you need someone to stay with you overnight to wake you up periodically. Call me immediately if you start feeling nauseated or begin vomiting. Do not drink alcohol or drive for a few days, and if possible, stay away from bright lights and loud noises, anything that could over-stimulate you." He informs me.

It's a little hard to pay attention, because my head is throbbing, but I'm pretty sure I got all of it.

"Alice should be home eventually, I'll let her know everything."

"I'm staying tonight." Edward says flatly.

"No, you're not."

Carlisle gets up and leaves the room, probably hoping to get out of the line of fire.

"Yes. I am. Don't push me, Bella."

"Push you?!" I exclaim sitting up quickly. My head explodes. "Agh!" I grab it.

"You can't even sit up! Please just let me take care of you right now. I won't pressure you to talk if you don't want to." Edward comes forward, taking Carlisle's spot beside me.

"Fine." I close my eyes and place my hand over my forehead, wishing I could just escape my super awesome life for a day. Unfortunately now that I might be concussed, I can't even get drunk and pretend it's not happening.

Carlisle comes back in with a glass of water for my pills.

"Here you go."

"Thank you for coming, Carlisle. I really appreciate it." I swallow the aspirin and hand the glass to Edward.

"You are very welcome. Never hesitate to call me, Bella. And you can rest assured that I will be having a word with Dr. Uley over this incident. He may have some false conceptions of his son's friend." Carlisle tells me firmly.

I don't want to burst his bubble by letting him know that Jacob has always been a douche monkey, even if this is the craziest I've ever seen him. So I just nod.

Edward walks Carlisle to the door, and locks it behind him.

When he comes back in, I turn on my right side and look at him.

"Thank you for coming to help me." I say finally.

"I will always come for you."

"Edward, don't." I shake my head.

"No." He sits down on the coffee table so that he's directly in front of me. "I know that I've fucked things up royally, and you have a lot of reasons to be pissed off at me for and _not _a lot of reasons to trust me, but I want you to know this. No matter what. I. Will always. Come for you, Bella."

I want to believe him. I want to hit him for saying something like that to me. There are so many things that I want to say, most of which aren't very nice, but I'm just too tired and I feel like shit. So I just mumble ok, and close my eyes. Maybe if I sleep for a while, I'll think clearly when I wake up.

**I know, nothing is truly resolved yet, but some of this needed to happen so that we could get to the resolution.**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N Again, thank you everyone for your very kind reviews, a few of you, not so happy with what's going on in the story right now. All I can ask though is that you stick with me, and hopefully, you will be satisfied in the end. **

**Now I have to say that this chapter was kind of a bitch to write, there's quite a bit of exposition, so hopefully this starts to clear a few things up that have been a little murky;) Hugs, friends!**

**Chapter 16**

**Time cast a spell on you that you won't forget me**

**I know I could have loved you but you will not let me**

**I'll follow you down till the sound of my voice will haunt you**

**You'll never get away from the sound of the woman who loved you**

"Bella."

I barely hear the gentle urging through the fog in my head.

"Bella, wake up, come on, just for a few minutes." Again, Edward's voice prompts me along with the light pressure of his hand on my shoulder.

I take a deep breath and will myself to open my heavy eyelids.

His face, blurry in shape, is close to mine.

"I'm sorry, I know you want to sleep, but the police are here and they need your statement."

"Alright, how long have I been sleeping?" I push my hair out of my eyes and try to sit up. The throbbing in my head is splitting my skull open.

"Only about an hour. A neighbor called the police because of the noise, and they just got back from hauling Jacob into the station."

A middle-aged woman in a blue uniform steps into the room.

"Miss Swan, I'm Officer Kate Murphy, I know this has been a difficult evening, but we just need to take a quick statement and snap a few pictures of your injuries , then we'll be on our way."

I nod, but then remember Emmett.

"Emmett?" I question Edward.

"He's downstairs, they were going to take him in too, but after he explained the situation to the responding officers, and they saw your face, they only gave him a warning for disturbing the peace. Jacob however, will be facing charges of assault after they take down your side of the story." Edward's face hardened at the mention of my injuries.

"Alright then, are you ready to begin?" Officer Murphy asks, turning on a small tape recorder.

I lick my dry lips and nod.

"Could I have a glass of water, Edward?"

"Of course." He goes into the kitchen, and returns quickly with the drink.

I go through all the details as best as I can with the officer, starting at the very beginning: Jacob's and my less than smooth relationship, seeing him at the night club, the threats, the flowers, and finally tonight.

"Is this the first incidence of violence that you have experience with Mr. Black?"

"Yes." I sip my water.

"Did you have any reason to believe he would become physical with you? Had he shown evidence of such behavior before with anyone else?" Officer Murphy asks while also taking notes on a small flip book.

"Honestly, no. I mean, he would get in fights with his friends, but they were all other men and it seemed that they were just messing around." I rub my forehead. "Look, he'd always been hard to deal with, moody and stuff, but he's never attacked me like that. I don't know why he would now."

She nods and takes a digital camera out of her bag.

"Let's get those pictures of your face, and then I'll let you get some rest."

She snaps shots of both sides of my profile and then a picture straight on.

"Are you hurt anywhere else that I need to document?" She asks.

I touch my aching hip and tell her that we should probably get a picture of that as well.

"What's wrong with your hip?" Edward asks lowly. He's been sitting quietly in the arm chair since I started being questioned, this is the first time he's spoken up in almost forty-five minutes.

"I bumped it pretty hard when I ...fell."

He glowers at me, but doesn't say anything else.

"Stop glaring at me," I snap at him as I maneuver the blanket to cover everything but the bruised and swollen flesh below my waist. "I'm not the one who punched me."

"I know." He growls.

"Alright, that should do it. Do you have any questions for me?" Officer Murphy asks standing up.

"Um, what's going to happen now, to Jacob, what can I expect?"

"Well seeing as this is his first offense, he'll probably only be held overnight and then released on bail with sentence pending. After that, we wait for what the judge decides, depending on the kind of defense he has, he could face anything from probation to ten years in prison."

"Ten years?" My mouth drops open.

"That is extremely unlikely, one to three would be more reasonable, but again, it depends on his defense team and of course, the judge who sentences him."

"Alright, thank you." I lean back on the couch and shake my head in disbelief.

"No problem, oh and one other thing, you'll want to probably come down to the station soon to file an official restraining order against him, as well as sign your statement after I've got it all typed up. I assume you plan on pressing charges?"

"Of course she is." Edward again speaks up.

"Excuse me, that is not your decision, and if you can't refrain from butting in, you can leave." I look coldly at him before turning back to the officer.

"What would happen if I don't press charges?"

"Then he would go home, my notes would be put in the paper shredder, and this all could and would most likely, happen again." She sighs.

I'm sure she's seen her share of battered women who defended their attackers, and took all the blame for being abused. I'm not one of those women.

"I want to press charges, I just wanted to know all the information first." I tell her succinctly.

"Good, come down to the station in the next few days then. We'll get this all squared away."

I thank her again, and Edward shows her out.

When he comes back into the living room. I look at him before getting up to go to my bed. The room spins slightly and I hold onto the armchair and wait for my system to level.

"Let me help." He puts his arm around my waist.

"No. I'm fine."

"Just to your room and then I'll come back out here to the couch, I won't bother you." He starts walking me to my room. I want to argue that I am sick and fucking tired of people ignoring my wishes, but it does actually help that he's supporting me.

I gingerly sit down on the edge of my bed and Edward pulls my feet up, helping me lie back. He covers me with my comforter and turns off my bedside lamp.

"I'll wake you up in a few hours." He whispers and kisses my forehead before I can protest.

"Hands to yourself." I mumble already feeling the fatigue wash over me.

"Bella? Bella, can you wake up for a second?"

Alice is leaning over me and I can hardly make out her silhouette in the darkness.

"Honey, are you okay? Do you know where you are?"

"In my room, weirdo." I say annoyed at being woken up.

"What year is it?"

"In the year of our Lord, two-thousand thirteen." I turn my head and bury my face into my pillow.

"She seems to be fine." Alice says quietly to someone else.

"Ask her if she needs any water." I then hear Edward distantly.

"No, and stop asking me questions. Goodnight."

I hear Alice leave and drop off into blissful sleep again.

The next time I wake it must be much later because I notice there is a little bit of lightness outside. It's still mostly dark, but that first shade of blue sky is beginning to appear. I shift into a different position and moan. Every part of my body aches like I have the flu.

Fucking Jacob.

Then I notice that there is a warmth in my hand, and it's because someone is holding it. I turn my head and it's Edward. So much for staying out in the living room.

I try to slip away from him slowly without disturbing him. He has his head cradled in his other arm which is laying on the edge of my bed. I suppose I can't be overly angry that he's in here, he _did_ take care of me last night.

I grab some underwear and my robe and go into the bathroom. I need a nice long soak in a hot bathtub before I attempt to get ready for work.

I shut and lock the door behind me and turn to the mirror. And the breath completely leaves my body.

My hair is a tangled haystack, which lays haphazardly on my shoulders, and that's frightening enough, but my face... my face while still slightly puffy, is deep, deep purple and red. I look...hideous. And I can't help the tears that spring to my eyes and fall one after another down my cheeks.

I actually, at one point in my life had wanted to marry the man who did this to me.

I cannot go to work looking like this. I'll have to call Angela or maybe Mr. Peters and explain that I had an accident and have been injured and may need a few days to recover, or however long it takes to get to where I can cover my face with make-up. I can do most of my work at home, in fact, the only thing I can't do is meet face to face with authors, but that shouldn't be an issue quite yet.

I turn on the water to almost full heat, and hope it will wash away this weariness inside of me.

_You can't just wash it away_, a nasty voice in my head tells me, _you have to stop letting people take advantage of your weaknesses._

I groan and climb into the tub. I sit there until the water begins to cool. My hip while still very sore doesn't look nearly as bad as my face, and am again sincerely glad that Jacob didn't break my nose or cheekbone.

I dry off and slip my robe on and open the door. Alice's door immediately opens as well and she steps out into the hallway.

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry." She sniffles into a tissue.

"Alice, it's really okay" I tell her. "I know I snapped at you earlier, and that was kind of mean, I just wish you'd respect me when I say that I need some time or space to think through something without talking about it."

"No, not that!" She exclaims coming up and grabbing my hands "I mean, I _am _sorry about that, and I know, you're right, but I'm sorry for leaving last night. I never should have left you alone. I thought I'd go to Jasper's and vent to him about how rude you were being, and then when you _would_ want to talk, I wouldn't be here, so I'd get back at you, but ohhh," She starts crying into her tissue again.

"If I hadn't left you never would have had to face that bastard alone, and he wouldn't have hit you and you would be okay!"

"Or" I say calmly. "He would have gone after you too. You can't say for sure that none of this or something worse wouldn't have happened if you'd been here."

"I don't know, I guess not...I just...damnit, it's just when Edward called me last night to let me know what had happened, all I could think was, I should have been here."

"Don't beat yourself up, Alice, seriously. I'm pressing charges, my face will heal and we'll all just move on and forget about what's-his-butt-ugly-face."

"I hope so." Alice didn't crack a smile.

I go back into my room to find my phone and give Mr. Peters a call about work, but find Edward awake and running his hands through his hair.

"Hey." I say when he looks up.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" He stands up and walks towards me.

"A little worse for the wear, but everything seems to working as it should." I take my brush off my dresser and begin to run it through my hair.

"Are you hungry, I could make you some scrambled eggs or something." He offers.

"Sure" I accept. I can call work while he cooks it and then maybe he and I can settle a few things.

"Great. Just give me a few minutes." He puts his hand on my good cheek lightly and then leaves my room.

I quickly dial Mr. Peters, who doesn't answer his phone, so I leave a voice message and then try Angela. She picks up and I explain what has happened. She is extremely generous and tells me to stay home for a few days and even offers to bring me some files from work. I agree and think it would probably be good for her to see my face as well so that she has proof that I'm telling the truth about last night.

I'm pretty sure she believes me, but this will leave no doubt.

Since I'm not going to work, I stay in my bathrobe and head to the kitchen where the glorious scent of fresh coffee is coming from.

"Here." Edward hands me a mug and I settle onto a stool at the bar with it.

"Thanks." I say taking a nice long sip.

He looks competent and completely sexy standing at the stove, slowly stirring the eggs, a dish towel tossed over one shoulder. I wish he weren't so damn attractive to me, but the fact just remains, he probably always will be.

"Are you going to eat with me, can you stick around for a bit?" I ask him.

He looks over at me somewhat surprised.

"You _want _me to stay?"

"I think we have a few things to clear up, and since I seem to have all day, I thought it would be a good time. Is it a good time for you?"

He opens his mouth to answer, but Alice flits in, so he closes it and turns back to the stove.

"Okay, I'm running a little late, so I need to get out of here, but you call me if you need _anything_, I mean it, and I'll come straight home. Don't lift a finger, and don't even _think _about cooking dinner tonight, I'll pick something up on the way home this evening." She leans in and kisses my cheek lightly, tearing up again. "I love you."

Then dashes out the door.

"Women; so emotional." I say making a lame joke.

"Sweetheart, your face makes _me_ want to cry, and I'm pretty sure I'm not a woman."

I quickly get rid of my small smile and try not think of how sweet Edward can be sometimes.

"What would you like to talk about?" He asks, moving us away from the somewhat awkward pause.

"Well, I'd like you to tell about what is going on with your mom." I admit as he puts a plate of fluffy scrambled eggs and buttered toast in front of me.

"Um, okay, it might take a while, I should probably start though at the beginning, otherwise, the rest won't really make sense." He joins me with his own plate and mug of coffee.

I nod encouraging him to continue.

"Well, uh, my mother was, is, I don't know was, addicted to drugs, mostly heroin, though I don't think she was overly choosey when it came to getting high. Carlisle tells me that she started using in high school, she's a bit older than him."

"Esme told me she is his sister." I interject, and then silently curse myself for interrupting.

He merely nods and keeps going.

"Beth, her name is Beth, is seven years older, Carlisle was thirteen when I was born. He told me that she didn't use while she was pregnant but that is only because the only way their parents would take care of her doctors visits and prenatal care was if she stayed clean. She didn't uh, she didn't have an abortion because she was too afraid of getting one. Having me was the lesser evil, I guess."

"Who's your father?" I ask quietly.

"My father is Carlisle Cullen." He tells me fiercely, but then closes his eyes and relaxes his face.

"I don't know who my biological father is. Beth was, we'll say overly social in her first year of college and was usually under the influence while doing that socializing. I'm pretty sure she didn't even know who he was."

Edward's breakfast plate is barely touched and he keeps spinning his cup of coffee slowly around on the counter. I want to lay one of my hands over his, but I keep them folded in my lap and stay quiet.

"So once I was born, Beth picked up right where she'd left off and I was dumped onto my grandparents. They didn't necessarily relish in the new responsibility, so Carlisle kept me with him a lot. He never told me to go away, or acted like he didn't want me around, he was just always right there with me. He's the one who taught me how to tie my shoes.

"My first memory is riding on his shoulders when I was three. I felt like I was on top of the world and could see everything from up there."

I can feel pinpricks behind my eyes and the welling of indescribable respect for Carlisle. What kind of young teenager takes care of his nephew so unselfishly?

"Well, after another year or so my grandparents decided they'd had enough of taking care of a small child, despite the fact that Carlisle was doing most of the work, so they sent me back to Beth, and told her that I was her problem to deal with, they weren't going to keep bailing her out of tough situations, and Carlisle was leaving for college in a few months so he couldn't be expected to give up anymore of his time either.

"I lived with her for four hundred and eighty-three days. I hated every last second of them."

He pauses a minute, and I can't help it, I reach out and put my hand on his back and begin to rub lightly. I cannot, and I will not sit here heartlessly while he bleeds in front of me.

So I rub his back and tell him to take his time.

He clenches his fists and then relaxes them knuckle by knuckle.

"We lived in a one room apartment that was nothing more than squalor. There were cockroaches, a few rats, the water worked half the time if we were lucky, and it was never hot. The entire building smelled of garbage and body odor.

"Beth spent almost every cent on the next fix. I lived mostly on dry cereal that I'd buy with the money I'd sneak out of her purse when she was too high to notice. I was small, but I got smart real fast. If I wanted to eat, I had to be the one who found the food."

Edward looks at me briefly and then away.

"She sold herself for money, or just the drugs if she could swing that. Johns came through that place like a fast food pick up window. I'd always hide under the kitchen sink until they left. "

"How did you come to live with Carlisle?" I whisper aching for the little boy whose introduction into this world was far too ugly and hard.

"Beth and her john were high as kites one afternoon when I hear a loud crash in the bedroom. I didn't want to leave the cupboard, but I didn't know if I should stay in there either, all I could think was I needed to get out of there. Just out of that hellish apartment. So I opened the cabinet and start to crawl out when the john comes flying out of the bedroom, zipping up his pants. He takes one look at me and grabs me. I tried to fight him off, but he holds me by the collar of my shirt and keeps saying over and over, _the bitch is dead, the bitch is dead_.

Edward stands up and takes his dishes to the sink. He stands there a minute with his hands braced on the counter.

"That's enough for now." I tell him softly. "You don't need to keep going."

If I'd only known what was bubbling inside this man...I don't know what it would have changed, maybe nothing, but at the very least, I would have had more patience, more compassion in pushing him to open up to me. I just had no clue.

"No, I'm going to finish.

"This guy...this guy is dragging me out onto the street and a lady, older, kind of feeble, but scrappy as shit" Edward cracks a tiny smile for the first time. "she sees the way he has me, so she tells him he better let me go or she's going to call the cops. He freaks out and just shoves me at her. She ends up calling the police anyway and they pick me up and put me in state-funded housing for children. They called Carlisle's parents, but they still didn't want me, so I stayed in the, well, it's basically a fucking orphanage.

"February 13th, 1990, Carlisle comes to the facility I'm staying at. I'm in my room doing homework because I'm behind in school since Beth never enrolled me in kindergarten, when he busts into my room and grabs and hugs me. I mean he hugs me so fucking tight."

Edward's voice cracks and I know tears are sliding down my face. I get up and put my arms around him and hug him from behind. He turns around and pulls me against him.

"He told me to get my stuff because I was going to live with him His parents finally told him they'd gotten a call about taking me and they'd 'declined'. He drove straight from his dorm room to get me. The courts hadn't been able to find Beth, and my child advocate officer told Carlisle that if she wasn't tracked down in the allotted time frame, her parental rights would be terminated. They never found her, and honestly, I was fucking sure she'd wound up dead in some flea bag motel with a needle in her arm.

"So, Carlisle was notified that I could be permanently adopted and he went that same day to the court house, filed about a millions papers and became my legal father when he was nineteen."

I squeeze Edward a little tighter. "That man should be nominated for sainthood."

"He has my vote." He says quietly.

I know Edward's given me something important today, and I don't want to take that lightly.

"Thank you for telling me all this. It really does mean a lot to me."

"It's not that I didn't trust you enough to tell you before, Bella. I don't want you to think that, it's just...that was a completely different part of my life that I don't even like thinking about, let alone sharing with people. The only people that really know are Emmett and then Rose, because she married Emmett, and I guess Esme, because Carlisle told her. That's it, other than you."

"I understand." I tell him, and I do, I really do, but it doesn't solve all of our problems, not telling me about his mother is only one layer of a multi-layered problem.

"Why don't we take a break? I think I could use a little rest, my head is starting to hurt again, and I bet you could stand a nap, seeing as how you slept in a chair next to my bed all night." I smile wanly and step back from him.

"Shit, sorry, how bad is your headache, are you dizzy, nauseous?" He stoops a little to look at my eyes.

"I'm okay, really, I'm just going to grab some more Tylenol and close my eyes for a bit. Take the couch, make yourself comfortable."

I grab the extra pillow off my bed and hand it to him.

"Um, yeah okay."

"I'd like to talk some more later if you're up for it." I feel pushy, but at the same time, I know that I'm fighting to figure things out with this man. To get us on track so that we can maybe have something real together.

Before he can open his mouth to say anything, I cut him off.

"Edward, I need to be honest with you. I don't want there to be confusion, I want to be clear. If I didn't want to be with you, to see if we could salvage this relationship, I wouldn't bother going through all this with you. I need you to know that I'm not trying to make things hard on you by dredging up your past, I'm just trying to build something that will last. If you aren't interested in that with me, then you need to let me know right now."

And I do mean right now, because I stand there and wait for an answer.

"I want this. All of it, with you." He tells me softly.

"Then that's what we're going to work for. Together."

**Now see, some of you really think Edward's an asshole, but he's not, not intentionally anyway, he's had some shit to deal with in his life, and there will be more that we don't know about ahead (well I know, you don't know):), so before any of you get mad at me and say that he still shouldn't treat Bella the way he does, just wait a few more chapters and then see how you feel. Let's not get too ahead ourselves. If you still feel like you hate the way he acts towards her at the end of the story, fair enough. Though I hope you won't because I really kind of love that he's a bit rough around the edges. Maybe it's just me.**

**So here's something kind of fun and new, shoot me back a little info about you guys, what's the deal breaker for you when you're in a relationship? Mine is respect, if you can't respect me, then we have no where to go from there.**


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